What the Selfish Heart Wants
by CreationsGoneAwry
Summary: Oak Tree Town sounded promising to Annie, who'd held an interest in farming since childhood. After moving there, she meets the town's talented chef, Raeger, and starts acquainting herself with him. She quickly develops an interest in him, but the problem is she's already in a committed relationship - not to mention Raeger's already in his own.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N:** Hello again, HM community! It's great to be back (sort of back) after a month-long hiatus of doing nothing! Long story short, I got a job, boyfriend moved in with me, and it's summer, so I'm actually legitimately busy right now, but I couldn't pass up posting this first chapter (wrote it all today, actually! two and a half hours for nearly 4k words, I think that's a new record for me)

Anyway, this story marks a whole bunch of firsts for me.

\- first person POV (I will **NOT** change POVs every other paragraph like so many other authors do. It is a gigantic eyesore and I roll my eyes even thinking about it, so don't worry)

\- I explore what it's like having main characters interested in each other but in other people at the same time (you knew it was coming)

\- new writing style

\- using Annie instead of Minori (it just seems to fit better in a story like this)

This story underwent a lot of changes to the general idea and especially title ideas, but I'm pretty happy with the end result. I have chapters planned out in advance so I'll stick to those, and it shouldn't take too long to get this going.

I'm just really excited to be writing this, so I hope you guys stick with me!

And lastly, regarding Apple Pie, it'll be completed soon! I promise! I just need a little bit more time... but then you'll have your cheese fluff and anything else your heart desires, honestly! (And then after that who knows what else will come.)

But for now, just enjoy a little Annie/Raeger tease~

Thanks for reading!

* * *

 **What the Selfish Heart Wants**

It had already been a week since I moved here.

I got used to the sweat and heat, and I rather appreciated the noise of the birds chirping over the subway. The townspeople seemed to like me well enough, but I kept a safe distance anyway. They were easygoing and cheerful, and I thought myself to be the same, but for some reason, it just didn't feel right to spend so much time talking to them.

People here were nice, almost so much that I took off running on the first day when I met Veronica. Life wasn't like that in the city. If you even _looked_ at someone wrong, you'd probably get shot, and there was definitely a literal sense of the word _backstabber_.

But for the most part, everyone was friendly and accepting (even the ditzier ones like my fellow farmers down the hill, Fritz and Giorgio), though it did feel like they all had their own little cliques already.

Crying about things didn't do anybody any good, though, and if you were one of those wimps that only cried alone, out of earshot and sight, no one would help you.

So I didn't cry once throughout the week, not even when I tripped and fell down the entire staircase in the middle of town – though I would never again forget its stupid location.

I didn't cry as I realized my cow was becoming my best friend. In a way, Hanako reminded me of my friend back home, Johnny. They were both rocks for me to stand on, but at least Hanako wasn't afraid to move out to the country with me.

I lived on a farm for a very short time when I was young – my parents were having problems so my father took me to his brother's place during the summer I turned eight. I'd made friends with the animals, unsurprisingly, and had actually grown pretty accustomed to helping out with milking and raking and pulling up weeds and the like.

Living on a farm here was pretty much the same feeling, except I had to stay by myself and do all the work alone.

Anyway, for quite some time I'd been looking for an opportunity to get out of the city. I didn't really have any family left there for me, so there were just too many memories I wanted to leave behind. Sometime last month, I was walking around the square and saw the flyer for Oak Tree. I was with Johnny and he tried his hardest to talk me out of it but I ignored him and ran home immediately to prepare myself.

And I hadn't talked to him since, not even when I got on the train to leave.

That was back in the beginning of spring, and now it was nearing the end of summer.

…

"Good girl," I cooed, patting Hanako all over her head. She was a cow, so she wasn't visibly enjoying it, but she wasn't moving away or anything.

I usually did this while I milked her, because even though old lady Eda trained her, she didn't seem to like the cold metal thing touching her udders very much. The satisfaction of being petted probably offset the discomfort. It was harder for me to maneuver like this, but as long as I got my milk, it was fine.

I patted her head once more before dragging the bucket of milk out of the barn and into the house. From what I remembered on the farm all those years ago, you basically just added water to the cream to thin it out and make it more like store-bought milk, so that was all I'd been doing to it. It seemed to work, because the quality and consistency of the price I sold it for were pretty good.

After all my morning chores were completed, it was almost nine already. I was starting to smell like a real farmer, but a farmer couldn't do her job without seeds, so I decided to go to Mr. Otmar's shop while I was still playing the part.

My sore feet brought me down the winding path – going downhill was always way more fun than coming up. The sweet smells of summer wafted into my nostrils and I took a deep breath to savor it.

I knew this would be the case, and I reveled in it every day, but country air had already proven itself to be a million times cleaner than city air. No pollution. All you could smell was nature.

As I approached the bottom of the hill, to my right was the rival farm (or farms, considering one person ran each one). I thought about stopping by while I was still in a good mood to say hello, but my stomach growled and diminished all hopes of doing that.

If I remembered correctly, there was a restaurant in town nearby. Admittedly, I actually hadn't been inside any buildings besides the general shop and the guild office. The latter was only because Veronica had practically led me by the hand there when I moved in. I met her daughter and the crossdressing doctor, and come to think of it, there were only a handful of people I didn't remember meeting yet.

I'd seen them around town but never introduced myself to the innkeeper, the chef, the contractors, and a few others. If that went on I'd probably be considered rude so I made a mental note to stop by those places after I stocked up my seeds.

I reached the general store after some more mental debate and pushed the door in. Otmar looked up from the counter, invested in his fishing magazine just moments ago, but he didn't look as happy as I was to see the other person.

"Who are you?"

Now, see, any other person in my situation would've responded probably a little nastily, but I knew Mr. Otmar was getting a few pre-Alzheimer's symptoms – and besides, he really was a sweet old man when he remembered me.

I just smiled. "I'm Annie, the new farmer? I just moved in last week."

Suddenly his face rolled up into a smile and I could see he really did remember. "Oh! Annie!"

I nodded. It wasn't that I was a very patient person by default, but I had a soft spot for seniors, I guess, because I didn't have any grandparents growing up. I always wanted to know what that was like.

"I just need to stock up on some seeds again," I told him. I reached into my pocket and yanked out my wallet, not really knowing why I didn't count my money before coming here.

There was only just over six hundred gold so I couldn't go all out. "Could I just get some tomatoes?" Tomatoes regrew every few days or so, meaning more profit to equal more seeds, rinse and repeat.

Otmar nodded and left his post for a moment to grab a few bags for me. When he returned, he placed the seeds in front of me and started the math on his cash register. "That's… three tomato bags… one-fifty each… uh, who are you again – oh! Annie!" He turned to me. "You get a discount today!"

I raised an eyebrow. "Why?"

"Because you're my best customer this week!"

I think I stifled a laugh then. Did that mean I was buying more than anybody else? That wasn't very fair – I'd just moved in, so of course I needed to buy more stuff than other people.

I bit my lip. I didn't want to be selfish, but I remembered that I was hungry and only had a little bit of money left, and I was going to be stopping at the restaurant soon, anyway…

"Okay, so how much of a discount is it?"

He typed in some stuff on the register again, like he hadn't figured it out already, and smiled. "I only need one-fifty from you today."

That number made me happy, but I also felt scummy, like I was ripping him off. Still… that meant I could probably get a better dish, and while I wasn't exactly a glutton, food was always good.

"All right," I conceded, grabbing out the right amount of coins, "here you go. Thank you!"

He waved it off and just kept smiling that old man smile. He opened the register and deposited the coins before putting the seed bags inside another bag and handing it to me. "Come again, Andrea."

"It's Annie," I corrected, though at least he got the first syllable right. I took the bag and bowed my head as I walked out the door.

Every day I spent in Oak Tree was a mini adventure, really. I never knew what was going to happen.

In any case, my stomach growled again, so I figured I should gung ho it to the restaurant if I wanted anything in my bloodstream before passing out.

The staircase was a bit tricky, only because I was spacy and a bit lightheaded from lack of food, but I made it to the door of what I thought was the restaurant in no time.

I knew Mr. Otmar enough to just barge through the door, but the restaurant wasn't left open and I didn't know who worked there or anything, so I knocked a few times to be on the safe side. It took a while, but I heard footsteps coming towards me, and I death gripped the plastic bag of seeds out of anxiety.

"I'm sorry, but I really don't want any news – "

I didn't know what to say, if I should've said anything at all, so I just stood there wide-eyed as the chef stared me down, realizing he was probably talking to the wrong person. I wasn't selling any newspapers.

"Sorry," he said, stepping away and running a hand through his hair. He was pretty good-looking, even those times I saw him from afar in the town square, but up close he looked even better so I averted my eyes a little, embarrassed I was even thinking of that.

"Usually, everyone just comes up and pushes the door in. I guess now that it's summer, though, I should leave the door open, right? It's still pretty early in the morning, so the bugs shouldn't be too bad…"

He was talking to himself for a few more moments and I didn't really catch everything that he said. I was almost regretting my decision to come there when he smacked himself on the forehead.

"I'm really sorry. Here, come in."

He stepped back and opened the door all the way, motioning with his arm for me to go inside. I did, and the décor of the place surprised me. By the way he looked, I expected the interior to be more modern, but the yellow walls and tile floor just said traditional. It looked very homey and comfortable, and I already felt better being inside than I was outside, even if the chef was a little weird…

"Jeez, sorry it's so messy," he said quickly, disappearing behind the counter to wipe up something or other. I didn't even realize what he was talking about with the 'messy' part, but I brushed it off. He seemed like some sort of a health nut, so it wouldn't surprise me if he was a germaphobe too.

There wasn't anybody else inside, and the bar area didn't look dirty, so I seated myself on a stool and admired the design a little more.

"I didn't know you worked here," I said, though I couldn't see where he was or what he was doing beneath the counter.

Just like everybody else I hadn't formally met yet, I'd seen the chef (I still didn't know his name) around town when I went to the shop or the trade depot to sell things. We'd exchange pleasantries and smile at each other sometimes, but I never talked to him for more than thirty seconds at a time. This was a whole new thing, and it taught me that first impressions were almost never right.

He popped his head up, his light brown hair sticking up in all different directions. "Yep. I actually kinda own it."

He didn't seem angered, but the way he said it sounded like he thought I was trying to belittle him. I wasn't. I honestly had no idea he worked here, let alone owned it, because I was pretty ignorant for the most part…

Did I need to apologize? "Sor – "

"If you stick around for another half hour or so, you can meet Lillie. She keeps saying how much she wants to meet you."

My first thoughts about this guy were definitely wrong. It was like he had ADD or something and couldn't sit still. Was this just because he was working? But there was nobody in the restaurant besides me, and he hadn't even offered me a drink or anything yet, and now he was going on about some girl – was that his girlfriend? How could he possibly have a girlfriend? He was attractive, sure, but with a personality like that, it must've been hard getting any girl to like him. I surely didn't after seeing his true colors.

I was just being mean, though. I should've given him the benefit of the doubt and say that he was just overacting and being weird because the summer heat was sending him into delirium. Yeah, that was it. It was pretty hot outside, after all.

"Who's Lillie?" I asked. If I stayed silent for too long he might've gotten weirded out by _me_ , and I didn't want the weirdo to think the same thoughts about me.

"She's the town's weathergirl."

I felt my eyes nearly bulge out. "This town has a weathergirl? With only, like, twenty people?"

He laughed, and that was the first time his eyes looked full of mirth. He set down whatever he was holding and leaned on the counter to actually talk to me.

He was definitely starting to look less weird and more attractive again.

"There's more than twenty people living here, y'know," he mocked. I was just glad he wasn't super stingy or quirky like I'd originally thought. It seemed like he was starting to loosen up a bit.

"You just haven't met everybody yet," he continued, "and besides, there's a bunch of people you'll see in here a lot but they normally just stay home and do whatever all day. I honestly don't know many of them by name, but everyone here is friendly and accepting."

I stifled a laugh, putting my hand up to my mouth.

"What?" he asked, an eyebrow raised.

I shook my head. "No, it's nothing. It's just that I thought those same exact words about the people here – they're friendly and accepting."

I started laughing, not really knowing why I found it so funny, and he kept his eyebrow raised but smiled amusingly with me anyway. He definitely wasn't a bad guy, so I could feel myself loosening up as well. Maybe I could have another friend here besides Hanako – while I liked Mr. Otmar plenty, half the time he didn't even remember my name, so…

After I finally calmed down, I rubbed at my eyes to try and wipe the tears away. I almost always cried a little when I laughed.

"Anyway, sorry I didn't really introduce myself," I said. "You probably thought I was a salesperson or something, the way I knocked on the door."

He chuckled and waved a hand. "No, no, that's fine. I've just been having some trouble with those people lately. Nobody ever knocks on the door unless they're unfamiliar with the place, so I just put two and two together and must've gotten three instead of four."

I scoffed. He had an odd sense of humor. "So you really get salespeople here?"

He nodded. "You'd be surprised." He pulled out what looked like another stool from beneath the sink and sat down on it, facing me straight on now. "It's mainly concerning Lillie, though."

"The weathergirl?"

I knew it; there _had_ to be something else there that he wasn't telling me. The way he said her name gave it away. He had a weird personality that honestly still turned me off a little, but he still was too good-looking to not be associated with anyone like that.

"Yeah," he said simply.

I shook my head. "She's gotta be more than that."

He stared blankly, not even at me really.

"Isn't she your girlfriend?" I tried. "The way your eyes have been lighting up, there's something else there."

I laughed as his face paled. "Th-that's not – "

" _And_ I bet she's got you pretty whipped."

He shot me a confused glance, only making me laugh more. "How… how did you…?"

I nodded and smiled, calming down. "I left behind… a boyfriend, I guess, in the city. His name's Johnny." It wasn't really untrue. We just didn't flaunt it so much.

He cleared his throat, adjusting to the new topic just as quickly as I had. "Is it serious?"

"Um…" I hesitated. "I'm actually not sure." I lifted a hand to rub the back of my neck. "Come to think of it, I don't really know if we're still even together anymore since, y'know, I moved here and all. He was kind of against it from the start anyway. We've been together since we were kids and it's not unusual to go a few months without talking to each other because we'll pick right back up where we left off anyway, but…"

I didn't really mean to prattle on about Johnny for so long, and at the end of my almost-gibberish sentence, I felt awkward. The chef here was the first person in town who didn't seem to mind my presence so much and now I was going to ruin it by ranting about garbage he didn't even care about…

"It's never too late to call."

I raised my head up at him. Was he serious? He didn't say anything about me talking too much, and he was actually helping me?

"I… don't think this is something that can be solved with just a phone call, actually," I told him sheepishly. Johnny and I were technically still an item, I guess, and it had been that way for a while now, but even we had our serious moments where we needed time apart.

I did miss him, though. I mean, he was my best friend – besides Hanako, of course – so how could I not?

He shrugged across from me. "Well, maybe you can start with a call. You said you're from the city, right? That means you probably can't go back there on such short notice."

I nodded, following his words. He really was pretty helpful.

"So maybe you call," he continued, "and you tell him you want to meet up and fix things, and if he agrees to it, great, you're all set. But on the other hand, if he doesn't want to go through with it, you'll have two choices."

I felt my face fall into a grimace, already knowing exactly what those would be. Keep trying to fix things or let it go and move on.

It felt too weird to even think about the second option, but I gulped as I thought about the first.

I hadn't talked to Johnny in over a month already, so it would obviously be weird calling him up all of the sudden. I did have a lot of things to talk about, though, and with the chef's determination to help me, I was feeling like maybe I could fix our relationship again.

I was starting a new life here, but that didn't mean I couldn't still be a part of Johnny's, right?

"Thanks," I said, turning in the stool to try and get up. In my haste my mind forgot what I originally came there for, but my body certainly didn't because I nearly fell.

He practically jumped over the countertop to catch me, but I didn't actually fall so it was a wasted effort.

"S-sorry," I mumbled pathetically. That was definitely one of my stupider moments in Oak Tree.

And then I realized what was even stupider.

"So… I still haven't introduced myself yet." In a way, it was kinda funny. We'd just shared a really heartfelt talk while not even knowing each other's name.

"Oh, I already know you," he said nonchalantly, as if my name was suddenly the most obvious thing in the world. "You're Annie, you just moved here from the city last week, and you're a little socially awkward."

I stared at him with my mouth hanging open. For the first time in that town, I was utterly shocked. Did I… did I have a stalker? That wasn't right, though… he was dating Lillie, that weathergirl.

"Judging by your reaction, you must think I'm awkward too, right?"

I nodded my head all too emphatically, trying to tell him that I thought he was creepy. "Um…"

He cleared his throat, actually looking a little awkward like he said. "Well, I guess I have to tell you about myself now. Here goes. I'm Raeger, I've lived here since I was fifteen, I'm twenty-four now in case you're wondering, and I'm bad at making friends."

Hearing those confessions made me feel a little more comfortable, my tension eased, and I smiled. "Nice to meet you, Raeger. You already know me – a lot about me, I guess – but my name is Annie. I'm twenty-three, just moved here from the city, and I'm actually not as socially awkward as you may think."

The next thing that surprised me was the smirk that rose up to his face. It was definitely a new thing.

"I'll believe that when I see you with your boyfriend," he said.

I shook my head. "You say that like it's a challenge. Relationships aren't about flaunting your partner with other people."

He looked like he was about to respond but my growling stomach cut him off. He laughed while I covered my face in embarrassment. At least it saved us from an awkward topic.

"Well, now I know that you didn't come here just to introduce yourself to me."

I heard the sound of a stool running along the floor and looked up to see him walking over to the fridge. He was probably going to prepare something now, and suddenly I grew even hungrier.

"I haven't gone shopping yet or anything, so I don't have much, but I've got some fresh vegetables if you're interested." He glanced back at me for a split second. "You kinda seem like a girl who's more vegetable-oriented anyway. You're like Lillie."

I was surprised at how right he was – I was a vegetarian all the way, I don't think I ever liked meat even when I was little – but how could he tell? Did I have a sign on my face or something?

"I am, actually."

He didn't look back again but I could hear the smile in his voice. "You've got a slender frame and you're pretty short, so that's how I know."

My face heated up, and suddenly I felt very self-conscious about my body. It wasn't like I wore super loose clothes, but I at least left most parts up to imagination… But he said I was just like Lillie, so that meant we were about the same size, right? She must've been cute, being small and everything.

Raeger tended to say whatever was on his mind, didn't he?

I guess I didn't mind that, though, especially since he led me to call Johnny later that night.

* * *

 _~CGA_


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N:** Hey, sorry for the wait! This is a lot of fun to write, though :P

I... don't think I have anything to say other than that, so anyway,

thanks for reading! And faving/following and especially reviewing :)

* * *

I never got to meet Lillie that night.

I waited a half hour like Raeger told me to, eager to meet someone he spoke so highly of, but shortly after that he got a call from her saying she'd be late.

It wasn't dark out – not even close – but I figured I'd better make my way around town and actually talk to the rest of the people I hadn't met yet before it got too late. Pretty soon everyone would be starting dinner.

So, after Lillie's promise came secondhand from Raeger that we would meet soon, I traveled from the restaurant to the trade depot (apparently there was a new trader in town) to the inn to the contractors' store, and after all that I finally made it back to my own house and bed.

I was just grateful the purse I carried was on the large side, because I got a few little housewarming gifts from the people I visited – and the people I saw along the way.

I could almost tell from the sky what time it was, but for good measure I checked my alarm clock before stepping into the bathroom. It was nearing nine o'clock now. I tried calling Johnny earlier around seven when I remembered Raeger's encouragement, but there was no answer after the first ring, and then I chickened out. It was probably too late to do anything now, especially something as important as that.

Of course, it didn't help that it took nearly a half hour just to get from my farmland to the town, and vice versa.

I sighed as I stepped out of my clothes, and soon the relaxing warmth of bathwater washed away all my stress.

Well, not all of my stress. Not even close, really.

There was no guarantee that Johnny hadn't moved on to another girl yet. He was known to do that, but then again, we weren't technically "together" at that time so maybe that didn't count. He did apologize profusely for months afterwards.

Honestly, all I'd wanted to do since I moved in was call him and make up, and I had my phone hooked up and ready to go and everything. But calling someone went both ways, right? It relied on both parties involved.

I'd left my contact information in his mailbox before coming here, so he very easily could've called me as well.

No matter how much of a pain he was to deal with sometimes, though, I still really did like him, and he was cute and charming enough that I didn't want to get rid of him. And besides, the only person in town who seemed to even remotely like me for real was Raeger. There was no way I'd be a homewrecker and spend more time with him than his girlfriend, though.

There was something to be said about childhood friends, anyway. We probably did know everything there was to know about each other.

Besides, if everything worked out great and Lillie was a nice and fun person like I thought she would be, maybe we could go out on double dates and tear the town up. The way Raeger described her, she really didn't sound any older than us anyway, and Johnny was just a few months younger than me.

I could have a friend to go shopping with, and the boys could stay back and watch sports or whatever. I didn't really know what men did, really. Johnny was practically my only friend after high school ended.

But I was getting ahead of myself. If I acted too anxiously and anticipated everything like this, I would scare everyone off.

Tomorrow was Wednesday, meaning he didn't have to work as long as he was still in the same place. I would give him a call tomorrow.

We were stubborn people, which unfortunately meant that if I didn't step up and do something, we'd go on forever just being bitter towards each other.

…

Hanako might've been described as levelheaded, but she certainly wasn't proving to be this time. I'd been trying and failing to push her out the barn door several times now and she didn't budge. I knew it wouldn't be this way forever, but I was just glad I didn't have any other animals at the moment – who knew how painful they would be to deal with? And I heard alpacas were even worse.

When I stepped outside it was right around seven because I slept in a little. I almost always took care of Hanako at seven after my breakfast but I was running late now and my stomach was paying the price.

…Okay, so maybe I was just procrastinating so I wouldn't actually have to call Johnny.

Deep down, I knew the conversation wouldn't be so bad, and I was definitely overreacting and overthinking everything, but right now on the surface, I was just so incredibly anxious that it was hard to think about anything else.

I heaved a sigh and puffed out my cheeks. Hanako wasn't budging either. She was probably just as stubborn as I was.

"Whatever," I told her, finally just giving up. It didn't bother me if she wanted to stay inside the barn all day – I was just trying to make her more comfy, but fine.

Once I got out of the barn and shut the door, I brushed off the dust and dirt from my clothes. Luckily everything I wore was pretty much rags this early in the morning anyway so it didn't matter much.

Now it was finally time.

My hand hesitated to grab the phone off the hook, but once they did I ended up punching in the numbers I'd memorized by heart five years ago.

I bit my lip in anticipation as the line dragged on for a few. If things turned bad or awkward at all, I would have the lack of breakfast excuse to back me up.

There were a few more dial tones, leading me to believe this was a bad idea after all. Johnny almost never woke up before noon, let alone at seven AM. But maybe, just maybe, if he thought it was me calling, then –

"Hello?"

My heart stopped and I could feel the shakiness in my breath already. It was really Johnny. He didn't sound any different at all – I guess that was a good thing.

I cleared my throat awkwardly. "Uh, hi."

He paused, like he had to think about who I was first. "Annie?" There was a lot of confusion in his voice.

"Yeah."

"Haven't heard from you in a while." He sighed through his words.

"Yeah."

It sounded like he laughed. "Can't you say anything else? You sound like a broken record."

I smiled and closed my eyes, leaning against the wall where the phone was. I already felt better.

It was funny; it seemed like all my problems lately were both caused and fixed by him.

"So… hey," he trailed quietly. I probably took too long to respond.

"What's up?"

He sighed, and I could just picture him running a hand through his hair like he always did. "I want to see you."

What was good about our relationship was if we were angry at each other, it didn't take us very long at all to resolve it; it was just confronting each other that was the problem. Like I told Raeger, though, we could just pick up right where we left off.

"Me too," I agreed. "Actually, is there any way you could come here soon?" I didn't want to get too excited about everything, especially if it wasn't even going to happen, but I really did like the sound of the double date ideas.

"I think so, yeah."

That made my heart swell a little bit. It was a little pathetic, but I still got butterflies when he invaded my mind.

"I know where the town is," he continued. What a jerk. He always waited for me to make the first move.

"So… tomorrow night?" I asked with a smile.

"Yeah, sure. And I got a surprise for you too."

"A surprise?" What did that mean? I knew he wasn't stupid enough to propose to me, so it definitely wasn't that, but it still made me a little uneasy.

He chuckled. "Don't worry about it. It's nothing big."

I nodded. I figured I'd just find out tomorrow.

Even though this kind of thing had happened before (I hadn't ever moved to another town or anything though), I felt extremely relieved that it was so easy to come to a conclusion and fix it. This was probably something I would never experience with anybody other than Johnny.

"Okay," I told him finally.

So we set a date for six PM tomorrow night. We talked a little more, he asked how was life here and all, but my stomach growled and suddenly I didn't feel too grateful for the "excuse." It was kind of weird how I didn't notice how hungry I was until I started feeling faint.

"Hey… Annie."

My breath hitched again. That wasn't a voice I was very familiar with; the only times he used it were when something bad was happening.

I made a noise of affirmation that told him I was listening, because I really couldn't muster up anything else. There was a huge lump in my throat all of the sudden and, even though I knew I was making a mountain out of a molehill here, I couldn't stop myself from worrying.

"I love you."

I clasped my hand over my mouth and nearly fell to the floor, only saved by the phone's cord. It wasn't like we never said stuff like that, but the times we did were so few and far between that I could count them on both hands. We just weren't the flashy sort of couple – which was kind of how I imagined Raeger and Lillie would be.

"I… I love you too." My voice was pretty quiet so I hoped he heard me, but when I heard him snicker on the other side I wanted to reach through and punch him.

"You still get flustered just as easily, huh?"

I wiped my eyes and frowned. "Jo – "

"We've been together how long and you still get all nervous whenever I tell you I love you?"

I didn't need a mirror to know how badly I was blushing now. Why was he doing this? "S-stop it."

We'd only been apart a little over a month and sure, I was worried about him and all, but we'd been separated for much longer than this at a time and he hadn't been nearly this affectionate. The way he was talking now, it made it seem like we hadn't spoken in years.

"I'll see you tomorrow, beautiful," he said in his low voice – he always thought it turned me on but it really didn't. I only giggled at it because it sounded funny.

And right on cue, I giggled like a schoolgirl again at his awkward attempt to sound cool. He did get a free pass because he called me beautiful, though. I nodded. "Yeah, see you."

If this were any other night that we called, there probably would've been the back and forth name-calling as we tried to get the other to hang up first, but it really did feel like it was the first time in a long time we were talking, so that was fine. I heard the dial tone and decided to hang the phone back up on the receiver before I dropped it and broke the cord or something.

I sighed happily for once as I flopped on the couch, reclining my feet on the armrest. My arms went back behind my head to act as cushions and I closed my eyes, completely relishing the moment.

Johnny was mine again, and I was his again. Everything was back to normal.

…

It was around five when I figured I'd better head over to Raeger's to thank him for last night. My chores were all done and I was pretty much just lounging around watching television for the last half hour.

So I told my feet to suck up their aching as I made them take me down the hills to town, passing by several birds and other animals who didn't seem to like me that much. The barn animals didn't like me much when I was eight, either… was it my aura? I didn't get it.

Soon enough, after trekking down the stairway of death, I was lingering outside Raeger's restaurant. It might've been a bad idea coming at this time, being a Wednesday at five, which was normally dinnertime, so maybe it was busy inside.

I stalked around the door for a bit, pressing my ear up against it to see if I could hear any voices, but it was pretty airtight for some reason. I shook out my arms before raising a hand up to the door. He said that customers normally just open the door, right?

Honestly, it would've been so much easier if he just kept the door open at all times…

"Raeger, I – "

After I opened the door, two pairs of eyes met mine. One was Raeger's, the turquoise color peering into me, while the other I didn't recognize. They were still blue, but a much darker hue than Raeger's. I focused on what was around the eyes – the face, hair, clothes, and the like.

This was probably Lillie.

"Sor – "

"Are you Annie?"

The girl's voice who interrupted mine was very gentle, I noticed. She got up out of her chair almost immediately, and I couldn't even tell her to stay put because she was so fast. Her short brown hair almost bounced with her every step, and her whole appearance just reminded me of an idol of some sort. No wonder she was a weathergirl – they had to have the pretty people on TV or else no one would ever watch it.

I just nodded, not really knowing what else to do, and she smiled. As she got up to me, she outstretched her hand as if she expected me to take it.

"It's nice to meet you," she said when I shook it. Her hand was very delicate, almost so much that I felt like a criminal for holding it.

I sneaked a side glance at Raeger, wondering how in the world someone like him could do so well. He didn't seem like a gentle fellow in the slightest. If they were ever romantic, didn't he crush her? The poor girl was like a twig!

Though, I suppose, I really wasn't any different, just like he said. I was right around the same size as her, except I was more what people would call feisty rather than delicate.

Raeger caught me staring at him. "What's up, Annie?"

"Oh," I said suddenly, remembering what I came here for. I smiled apologetically at Lillie. "Sorry. I'm Annie, yeah. It's nice to meet you too."

She nodded. "You should come sit down with us."

I hesitated, and I was pretty sure my face showed it. When I walked in, they seemed like they were engrossed in their own conversation and I just intruded on it. Lillie was sitting in the seat I was last night and Raeger was in his usual spot behind the counter. He had the same stool I saw him in last time.

"N-no, I should probably go. Sorry to ruin your – "

"You can stay," Raeger said. He didn't seem annoyed at all, either, so maybe they really were just casually hanging out.

I probably should've been used to being interrupted from that day, but every time it happened there was an inkling of worry within me, like I shouldn't have been talking in the first place.

I noticed, though, that whenever Raeger interrupted me, and even Lillie, I didn't really feel that. They really were down to earth people – and I wasn't just saying that because Lillie was a meteorologist.

Remembering where I was, I nodded and thanked them, taking a seat on the stool next to Lillie. "Sorry for being so loud. I was just so excited and happy." I laughed awkwardly as they just stared at me. "Thanks for last night, Raeger."

At that, Lillie raised her eyebrows at Raeger. "What?"

Raeger's face nearly paled, and I had to stifle a laugh to keep the atmosphere quiet. He was like a completely different person around Lillie. "Th-that's not… it's not what you think."

Lillie smiled teasingly. "Well, Annie _is_ a very pretty girl, and from what I know already, she's very smart, so I guess I wouldn't blame you if you wanted to sl – "

"Whoa!"

I guess I startled both of them with my outburst because they both looked over at me like I'd just made a pregnancy announcement or something. I cleared my throat after an awkward moment.

"Um… I mean, it's nothing like that. Raeger helped me out with something last night."

She waved her hand, brushing it off. "I know, I was just teasing him." She leaned closer to me, whispering into my ear. "I just think it's cute to see him flustered."

When she backed away and watched for my reaction, I wasn't really sure whether to laugh or not. I'd just met her, and already she was pulling jokes and making fun of her own boyfriend who she'd just pretty much accused of sleeping with me. I always was a horrible judge of character, though, and she didn't seem like she meant any harm, anyway.

I could see why they were together when they looked at each other, though. It was like the two of them were in their own little world where no one else was allowed. I wondered if that was how Johnny and I looked to other people.

"Anyway," Lillie started up again, prying me from my stupid thoughts, "what's this issue? Maybe I can help better than Raeger."

Raeger protested a little behind the counter, making me laugh.

"No, he really did help a lot," I assured her. "I have a friend named Johnny – I guess he's my boyfriend, technically. When I moved here I didn't exactly leave on the best terms with him."

She gave me a somewhat sympathetic look, but before she could say anything I continued. I wasn't really looking for sympathy.

"Anyway, Raeger encouraged me to call him and so I did… It took a few tries but honestly, I did, I promise. We talked for a while and realized that we still had the same feelings, of course, and we actually wanted to meet up so…"

I kept rambling on for another minute or so, and Raeger seemed plenty interested, but Lillie glanced down to her phone every now and again. It made me feel kinda like a chatterbox so I just awkwardly cut myself off, and she got all giddy and turned to Raeger.

I didn't exactly mind so I didn't say anything, but it was pretty rude to ask someone about their problems and then ignore them. Oh, well. She probably had a reason.

"I'm sorry, Annie," she said suddenly. "I honestly didn't mean to ignore you, but I just got a text from my coworkers saying there's a rumor going around the workplace about me."

I raised an eyebrow as she looked over at Raeger with happily. My problem didn't seem so big anymore, and I released my confusion and anger from her ignoring me since she apologized. Anyway, weren't rumors normally bad?

"What's the rumor?" Raeger beat me to the punch.

Lillie picked up her phone, smiling all the while as she read whatever was there. "Apparently my boss is thinking about giving someone a promotion. Someone as in a weatherperson. And hopefully someone as in me."

I smiled genuinely, feeling happy for her. Even if it was just a rumor, maybe soon it would be true.

Raeger didn't look quite so fond of it, though. I looked at him before Lillie could, so I saw his sullen face whereas she saw his half-smile. I thought maybe there was something else going on there, but it wasn't my place to say anything.

"Isn't that great?" Lillie asked him.

He smiled that halfhearted smile again and nodded. She didn't seem to notice, too wrapped up in her anticipation. "I hope you get in; you deserve it."

She nodded and giggled. "I know!"

It felt like they kinda forgot about my presence so I just stayed quiet and twiddled my thumbs. About five minutes passed with me listening awkwardly to their conversation before they took notice of me again.

"Oh, Annie."

I didn't need to look up to know it was Raeger, but I perked up anyway. "Yeah?"

"You said you have a date with your boyfriend tomorrow night, right?"

I felt a tiny shiver run up my spine. I'd almost completely forgotten about that, actually. "Y-yeah, why?"

"Well, how would you feel about a double date?"

My eyes widened. Were we on the same wavelength? I laughed. "That sounds awesome, actually." I glanced over at Lillie for any sort of confirmation, but she had her eyes glued to her phone once more, which kinda stunk. I was really looking forward to chatting with her about this and that, but I guess it couldn't be helped. I'd probably be super excited if I heard a rumor like that, too.

Raeger smiled. "Great. Lillie and I won't intrude on your time tomorrow, but… how about sometime this weekend?"

I nodded. "Sounds good to me. What about…" I looked over at Lillie, unsurprised to find her in the same position.

"Don't worry about her. After tonight she'll be on board for anything."

I hesitantly smiled. "Sure."

So I didn't get my promise to go shopping or anything, but I was hoping that Raeger was right about her being up for anything.

In any case, my first impression of her wasn't very good, and I didn't like that.

* * *

 _~CGA_


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N:** It's been a little while! But I'm baaack!

Kind of a long chapter, and sorry for all the boring stuff you probably don't care about! Everything in this chapter matters in the long run, though~

On another note, Annie is probably the hardest and most mentally controversial character I've ever had to write. She is immature, hypocritical, self-praising and entitled, dismissive, a little obnoxious, and honestly pretty annoying.

As time goes on, though, she'll mature and develop, don't worry. It kind of pains me to write her like this because it's not how I see her in my head. For right now, though, I hope she's growing on you! She is kind of endearing.

(and holy crap **spoilers for the chapter** I laughed so hard when writing "little orphan Annie" oh my god, lol. **end spoilers** (you're going to read it anyway, come on))

Thanks for reading! And a huuuuge thank you to everybody who makes this story look popular - faves, followers, and especially reviewers! keep motivating meeee

* * *

Today was a new day, so I brushed off the negativity of last night's vibe and focused instead on the idea of my date with Johnny later.

Besides, I was quickly learning that cows didn't brush themselves. And Hanako got _dirty_ sometimes.

I got out of bed and whiffed in some air from the window, breathing it out again slowly. Morning air always got to me. It almost always put me in a good mood, and I wanted to see how long it would last.

My early morning routine led me to dress, eat quickly, and just barely manage to slip some shoes on before going out to work.

Luckily, Hanako really wasn't all that dirty so it only took me about a half hour to deal with her. Soon, I really would have to get more animals, though. The traders were starting to get tired of my daily milk.

I put a chicken on my agenda and focused on my crops now. By the time I finished it was already nine o'clock, meaning I could probably go out and chat with the locals.

I couldn't really understand why, but I was just feeling very chipper. It was probably the morning air. Or Johnny.

Either way, I actually got to talk a bit with Fritz before heading off into town. He was rather hyper, though, so all throughout his rants I made the mental note to call him Fritz the Ditz.

When I got into town, I also ran into the older gentleman I'd often see around. His name was Klaus, I learned – and remembered. It seemed like almost everyone was out and about this morning, and it felt good to be a part of it. But I really wasn't sure if it was just that now that I didn't feel so much like an outsider anymore, I actually saw everyone, or if it really was a different morning altogether.

Honestly, I was just being stubborn before, because I was used to being spoiled back when I lived in the city. I was an only child with wealthy parents, so you can imagine what I got.

But now I actually had to earn what I wanted, and that included the townspeople's trust and friendship.

It also just felt nice to not be so much of a brat anymore. Country life was good for me.

I decided to pay Mr. Otmar another visit because I needed more vegetable seeds anyway.

He greeted me cheerfully as soon as I walked in. "Good morning, Angelica!"

At least he tried, but where did he get that name?

I nodded my head at him and smiled. "Good morning. My name is Annie."

He seemed to completely ignore that. "Tomato seeds are on sale, if you're at all interested."

I perked up. Actually, I was. "How much?"

"Forty gold each."

My lips tugged into a frown. "I really can't keep taking advantage of you like this." Even if I only had a few hundred gold to my name. Well, that wasn't true, but…

He waved it off with his hand. "I'm tryin' to get rid of it! That Giorgio's fiancée keeps sendin' all these seeds every week. I'll have to get a warehouse just to store them!"

I laughed, but it sounded nice to be so close to someone like that. I'd only exchanged words with pretty boy Giorgio once or twice before, so I definitely couldn't ask for a favor like that.

Besides, being super tight-knit in a community like this sounded sort of uncomfortable. I wondered how Raeger and Lillie met and started dating and all – wasn't it weird, wasn't it like dating a sibling?

Well, I never had any siblings so I couldn't speak from experience there, but I was really glad I at least had Johnny.

And I was glad he still lived a ways away. Country life did me good, but I could only imagine how lost Johnny would be. Of course, I was at first, too, but for the most part it was easy adjusting. Physically, anyway.

I shook the thoughts away, remembering where I was. "All right. I'll take a few bags off your hands." I didn't feel so bad about the low price anymore. It was just a discount price – nothing like those stupid convenience stores back home.

Jeez, if I'd had access to my inheritance, I'm pretty sure I would've blown it all at those stores.

After a few minutes I exited the shop and started roaming around some more. I had about eight hours to waste until I even had to think about getting ready for the date.

I was thinking, if things started working out, that I could spend some more time at the restaurant. Raeger didn't seem to mind my company, and made good company himself, and he gave some decent advice. I was sure that with Johnny back in my life I could use a few pointers on what to do, and we could just chat while we waited for Lillie to come back. She didn't seem like a bad person at all, and I really did want to get to know her better.

But that all would happen only if those two liked me. Everybody in town was nice and polite (and don't get me started on Lady Eda), but I couldn't tell if they were just being hospitable or what. Maybe they were all planning to kick me out sometime during the night.

I brought myself over to a bench in the middle of the town square. I figured if I wanted to do some thinking, I should do it where I couldn't trip over anything.

So I let my thoughts wander some more, especially to that same topic. Was I really not well-liked here? I'd been in town just about a month now, and I thought everyone seemed comfortable around me so if they had a problem they would come right out and say it. But maybe country people were just more lax in nature than city people; if there was a problem, they'd keep it to themselves so they didn't bother anyone. In the city, though, at least in my experience, if you had a problem, you let the whole world know.

And if you didn't like someone, you told it to them straight.

It bothered me to no end that I couldn't understand these people's lifestyle. I was raised to be polite and fix my own problems, but moving here was a complete one-eighty switch. Sure, I was still polite, but suddenly I was helping all these other people with their problems and nothing made sense anymore.

I felt tense, awkward, and nervous here, and I didn't like it one bit. I knew Johnny would help alleviate it later, though.

"That was quite a sigh."

I didn't even realize I sighed, but I looked up to face a blond woman. If I remembered right, her name was Iris. Even though she was older than me, it just didn't feel right adding an honorific to her name; it'd be kinda weird if I started addressing Raeger as Mr. Raeger, right?

I smiled. "Yeah, sorry." Would it always be this awkward, really talking to someone for the first time?

"Mind if I sit with you?"

Well, I did a little bit – I just wanted to be alone with my thoughts – but I couldn't be rude, especially to someone I didn't know too well yet. I grabbed my paper bag from the store and set it on my lap so she could have some room.

Iris sat nearly immediately, like she'd been standing all day or something, and pointed to the bag. "What do you have?"

"Tomato seeds," I told her briskly, not really understanding the sudden interest.

She nodded. "You know, they say the type of crop you grow can tell a lot about you."

I just about scoffed. So she was one of _those_ people. I'd never put any stock into those fortune superstitions, but something told me to give her the benefit of the doubt anyway. Just because I was in a bad mood didn't mean I had to spread it – besides, she seemed to be nice enough, I didn't mind her company.

Iris took in a deep breath. "I could tell you were feeling pretty down. Tomatoes are supposed to represent frustration, by the way."

She didn't know they were tomato seeds until I told her, though.

"Red is probably the most intense color," she continued, paying no mind to my unvoiced thoughts. "At times it represents love and passion, but at others, anger and hostility."

I didn't get where she was going with this, but at least she wasn't boring. Though…

"This fortune thing is more about colors than vegetables, isn't it?"

She laughed. "There is a lot one color can mean. But no, it's not all based on them."

She must've paused to let me respond, but I didn't say anything so she kept going.

"Do you like tomatoes?"

I nodded. "They're not my favorite, but they're high on the list."

She nodded with me. "Would you say they're second?"

"Yeah, I guess," I said, laughing a little. "Why does that matter?"

Iris shook her head. "Just play along. What is your favorite vegetable?"

I pursed my lips, brows furrowed. That was kind of a hard question, actually. When I was little, my mother liked alternating between broccoli and asparagus. When we got tired of those, she would cut up celery or de-cob some corn. I'd even gotten to try eggplant pizza one time.

Of all those, though, I guessed it was easy.

"Asparagus," I said finally, satisfied with the choice.

Iris smiled. "Not many people your age would say that. Asparagus is one of the least liked vegetables. My brother is not very fond of any vegetables, actually…"

I shrugged. "I don't eat meat, so veggies _are_ my meat. Someone like me liking asparagus and disliking onions isn't any different than someone else liking beef but not pork."

She laughed again. I liked her laugh; it was kind of soothing, like how I imagined an older sister would sound. "You have a good head on your shoulders. I'm glad I came to talk to you."

Honestly, now I was, too. What I'd just said hardly even sounded like me. It was like my brain was just speaking without my mouth's permission, but it didn't feel awkward.

Maybe being out here in the open, calm air helped me loosen up. I liked it.

"So… what do tomatoes and asparagus say about me?" I asked jokingly.

"Oh." She took a few moments to think, like she'd completely forgotten about it. I just hoped she wasn't making up some cheesy stuff. I'd heard that she was a writer.

"Right," she said, turning to face me. "Tomatoes are your second favorite vegetable, which means they explain your second self. You already know what the color red symbolizes, but as for the tomato itself, it is very sweet and easy to peel."

Not in my experience, but I was a pretty crummy cook, anyway.

"However, if they aren't peeled correctly, they fall apart and the juices spill everywhere. The tomato is easy to peel but that makes it more vulnerable to error."

What she was saying sounded a lot like baloney, and I had to stop myself from laughing, but I just kept telling myself she was a writer. She probably had to overanalyze everything to get some new material.

It was entertaining, at least.

"Now, asparagus will describe your first self, your true self. Your second self is the side of you that's only on the surface, whereas your true self is what's deep inside. Sometimes it doesn't awaken for a while, and especially while you're still young, it might not sound like you."

I waited patiently for her next words. She was a great storyteller.

"Asparagus has a very dark green color. Normally, green would signify envy or jealousy, but because the hue is darker, it represents peace and serenity. The spears are long, symbolizing somewhat of an adventure, and the leaves represent all of the different paths one could take along the way, though they all lead nowhere.

"Oh," she continued. "Asparagus is a cousin to the onion, even though it is considered to be in the lily family. If that's true, then it is rather strange asparagus is your favorite while you dislike onions."

I chuckled awkwardly. "I guess it's like pork and bacon then? Some people like regular pork but not bacon, or vice versa."

She nodded. "You're wise for your age."

"I practically raised myself," I said proudly. For the most part, it was true.

Iris frowned. "Were you an orphan?"

Whoa. At least she wasn't afraid to say what was on her mind. Maybe there really was hope for me here. I liked people who didn't hide things.

"My parents died when I was eleven. My grandmother took me in after that."

She half-smiled at me with pity. After the incident I'd gotten used to that look from everyone around me, but now it was just kind of condescending, in a way.

"Last year, she passed away, too, and it wasn't like she did anything for me in the first place, so that's why I said I've raised myself."

I didn't realize my voice rose in pitch and volume until I was done, but by then Iris looked pretty uncomfortable. Oops.

I tried to apologize but she waved me off.

"I overstepped my boundaries," she said. She even bowed her head.

Awkward, quiet minutes passed with me clutching the handles of my bag so tightly they left imprints, and then Iris excused herself. She thanked me for being a test subject for a theory, though, whatever that meant. It was probably the dumb superstition like I thought.

So now I sat alone on the bench, little orphan Annie, feeling sorry for myself and worse than before.

…

When I returned home it was pretty close to noon. My talk with Iris took longer than I thought.

I just hoped she didn't think I was some poor, unfortunate child who lost everything. I'd gotten past that, I wasn't bitter at all.

It really was my fault, though, for bringing it up. Moving to town gave me the fresh, new start I wanted for a long time.

I decided to start planting my seeds before making lunch, eager to at least do something.

I flipped the grocery bag upside down, spilling out the three packs of tomato seeds onto the grass. I'd have to make sure to stop by the general store more often now that I knew Mr. Otmar got his surplus of seeds for free. I liked helping him out.

Though it did make me skeptical of that "special discount" I received a couple days ago.

I started digging up the dirt with my garden shovel, figuring I'd just plant all the tomatoes around the same area. It'd be easier to take care of them that way.

As I buried them, I couldn't get Iris's words out of my head for some reason. I wasn't into that stuff, and Johnny and I'd make fun of it all the time, but she honestly made it sound kind of believable.

Tomatoes being my second half, or self, according to her, meant that I was nice and sweet, but I'd fall apart easily. Did that mean I was weak? Or I was easy to trick? Could everyone else here see through me that easily, too?

And then asparagus… apparently that was what I really was. I was embarking on a long adventure – moving here – but not often did I come across forks in the road that I had to choose between.

Wait, that wasn't right. I already had to choose.

It was two nights ago, when I first talked to Raeger and he helped me out when I had to choose between calling Johnny or leaving things as they were. Raeger told me that the choice I made would eventually lead me to more, too.

Keep going with a mediocre relationship or break it off.

If I was like asparagus… did that mean things might have been different if I didn't call Johnny last night?

Well, that was a no-brainer. We'd still be avoiding each other if I didn't make the first move. He was probably more stubborn than I was. It would lead to nowhere, just like Iris explained the leaves.

I sputtered a laugh. Was I really taking that mumbo jumbo seriously? How ridiculous.

Jeez, comparing people to vegetables. It was one thing if a novelist did it – she even admitted she was using me as a test subject – but when someone started taking it seriously? They would haul me to the loony bin.

My tomatoes were all planted, I noticed, after my long thought session.

I stood up and brushed the dirt off my clothes, and then I went to get my watering can. It was already pretty hot, or else I probably would've run.

I sprinkled some water over the filled holes, making sure to splash back at myself to relieve some of the heat. After that was all done, I booked it inside.

The house felt no more cool than outside, as I was too poor to afford air conditioning just yet, but even though I was sweaty, I needed some lunch first. The alarm clock read quarter to one, so my time would dwindle pretty fast from here on out. I could bathe last, and that was I'd at least smell halfway decent by the time I headed out.

…

It was hot. Way hot. Way too hot to even _think_ about being outside.

Such was the Thursday afternoon, though, and I had no choice but to walk in it.

Well, at least until I got to Raeger's restaurant. I knew he'd help me out.

Once I reached the door, I didn't feel so awkward anymore about pushing it in – but it could've just been heat stroke getting to me. So I walked in and said hello to him at the counter. There weren't too many people inside, surprisingly, so I seated myself in the first stool there.

"Hey, Annie," he said. He was messing with something, but it almost felt like he was giving me a once-over, too. "What are you so dolled up for?"

Heat instantly rushed up to my cheeks and I froze in my seat. I almost completely forgot about my attire.

It was my first time meeting Johnny in a while, so I wanted to look good.

I'd pulled some of my hair back into a braid and curled the rest of it, which just made the center of attention my cleavage. My hair was long so it usually covered my chest, but now that it was done up, anyone, really, could see them protruding forth.

I wasn't too chesty, but I did realize just _why_ Raeger seemed to be looking at me, and I felt my face flare right back up.

"I, uh… date," I settled for stupidly. But didn't he already know? He was the one who gave me advice for it, after all.

As I took my seat, I became painfully aware of his other customers' eyes. I'd done some stupid stuff already, but this took the cake so far in this town.

Raeger only chuckled at my embarrassment, the sadist. "Your date with Johnny? So why are you here?"

I folded my hands in front of me on the counter. "Just… killing some time, I guess." It wasn't even a lie; I still had about a half hour before I was supposed to meet up with Johnny. "I didn't really want to wait outside, way too hot, but that actually doesn't sound so bad right about now…"

"Feeling embarrassed, are we?" He laughed along.

I resisted the urge to slap that stupid grin off his face. "Well, take a look at what I'm wearing!"

"I already have," he teased. "I don't mind if you stay here, but you're going to have to order something."

"Stickler," I muttered, rolling my eyes. "We're going out to eat, y'know."

My answer didn't seem to faze him in the slightest. He shrugged. "Just get a drink then. Or do you want to burn up outside with the perverts?"

"All right, all right," I said, annoyed. "Just… don't look for a sec."

"What are – "

"Turn around!" I shouted at a whisper. I wanted him to turn around, and I certainly didn't want others' attention.

He did as was told, so I glanced around the restaurant to make sure no one was watching. I picked my wallet out from my cleavage and told him it was okay to come back.

"What was that about?" He saw me counting coins. "Where did you – never mind, I get it now."

I almost laughed at his awkward tone but I was nervous, myself.

I dug through the wallet and picked out some more coins after seeing the menu board behind him. "I like the AC and all, but couldn't there be perverts in here, too?"

I slid the coins towards him and watched his face. He seemed to be a little bothered by my choice of words this time, but he still replied rather quickly.

"I won't let anything happen."

My eyes widened as I stared at him, wondering what he could mean by that. Was it that he wouldn't let anything happen in general, or… he wouldn't let anything happen to me specifically?

Well, either way, Johnny never said stuff like that, so it just caught me off guard.

"Something on my face?"

I immediately shook my head. "N-no." I cleared my throat. "Can… can I just get some iced tea with lemon?"

He coughed into his hand off to the side, probably only now realizing the implications of what he said. "Definitely. Be right back."

He took my coins and walked to the register, and that was the end of our conversation. He brought my tea shortly after and I drank it in silence, soaking it up along with the air conditioning.

I didn't feel anything more than a little embarrassment and shock towards him, but I could admit that Lillie definitely picked a good guy.

A real smooth talker.

…

Right around five, as promised, I met Johnny at the train station.

We both just kinda stood there looking at each other like what you read in romance novels, too shocked to say anything.

He… looked a bit different, to be sure. It wasn't unusual for him to cut his hair or anything during our breaks, but it looked like he'd gotten another tattoo. That made three now.

And I hated every single one.

"Red, huh?" he asked me, probably referring to my dress. "You look way hot."

I laughed, rubbing my arm nervously. "Thanks. I… you got a new tattoo?"

"Yeah!" He raised his arm up to show me. "Isn't it awesome? It glows in the dark, too."

Was this the "surprise" he mentioned last night?

I laughed again, shaking my head. I always told him how stupid they looked. They made him look like a sixteen-year-old kid rebelling against his parents, and now with this new one, a skull, well…

"I hate it," I told him flat-out. "It looks ridiculous."

He puffed his bottom lip out. "You always say that, but the guys think it's cool."

I rolled my eyes. He was still hanging around those losers?

"They banded together and helped me get a bike, too."

What?

"Like… a bicycle?"

"No… like a motorcycle," he said slowly, making sure to enunciate properly. "C'mon, you love those."

That was probably the most insensitive thing he ever said to me.

"You always said you'd never get one."

Johnny just shrugged. "People change."

I shrugged too. "It's only been a month." I closed my eyes and heaved a sigh. "Whatever."

I didn't want to be mad or argue before the date – and I might've just been hungry and therefore cranky. So I dropped it.

"Where are we going?" I asked.

He perked right up. "I was gonna take you to Chico's."

"You've gotta be kidding me." Chico's was a fast food joint. How fancy.

"I am," he said. I slugged him on the arm. "Ouch. Okay, okay, I made reservations at Lakeside."

"That's more like it." I smiled.

It really was pretty funny how all the problems faded away throughout our conversations. If there would've been anyone around, we'd have been thought of as an old married couple because we argued all the time.

Still, it wasn't cool what he said about motorcycles. I most certainly did _not_ love them, and if he ever brought it around, I'd break it.

…

Even though I'd been to Lakeside before, the menu really rubbed me the wrong way. The last time I'd been there was last year, and they seemed to have changed it since then.

The only thing that wasn't meat that interested me was the chef salad, but I wasn't going to order that. What was the point in going to a fancy restaurant to order a salad?

"Just get the lobster," Johnny told me across the table. He didn't look up from the menu, probably too invested in his steak.

I crinkled my nose. All I could think of when I thought of steak was Hanako.

"No." And if that was supposed to be a joke, it wasn't funny at all.

A few minutes passed, but I was still indecisive and clueless when the waitress arrived.

"Do you guys still have those veggie sandwiches?" I asked desperately. It wasn't on the menu.

She shook her head, pen and notebook still in hand. She spoke quickly. "Nope. When the chef left he took his recipes with him to Lakefront View down the road."

I sighed. Those were good. Maybe I could get Raeger to make me one sometime. "So the only thing that isn't meat is the salad?"

"Yes. We have the chef or the Caesar."

Caesar salad had ground up anchovies for the dressing, so that was definitely a no-go.

"All right. Can I just get the chef salad? Light ranch, no onion?" Defeat had claimed me its next victim.

The waitress nodded, then turned to Johnny. "And for you, sir?"

Well, I didn't get a fancy title.

"I'll take the, uh… country fried steak," Johnny told her. "Mashed potatoes and fries for the two sides, please."

She nodded again. "Certainly. We'll have those ready for you two in just a bit."

She took our menus and left us in peace. Until Johnny went and ruined it, anyway.

"She was pretty cute, right?"

I rolled my eyes. No matter if he was making a joke or trying to turn me lesbian, it wasn't funny. "Idiot."

He protested but otherwise laughed it off. "How's farm life treating you?"

"Fine."

"You make any new friends?"

"Plenty."

"Boyfriends?"

I raised an eyebrow at him. "Do you want me to?"

He sighed. "Nah. I kinda like havin' you to myself."

My cheeks heated up but I didn't give him the satisfaction. "How do I know you're not cheating on me again?"

"Again? Wh – c'mon, Annie, that was years ago."

I laughed finally. He looked funny when he was upset. "Once a cheater, always a cheater."

"Well… what about you?" he countered.

"Hmm? What about me?" I'd never cheated on him – on anyone.

"You remember."

It wasn't ringing any bells.

"Back in high school, you'd copy all my notes and make me uncover my test papers while you looked at them. You were horrible!"

I laughed, but I honestly didn't remember that. His memory was pretty bad sometimes so he was probably thinking of someone else. I never cheated during school, I got all my grades fair and square.

We spent the next several minutes catching up and chatting about random things – his friends, my friends, the farm – and then the waitress came back with our food.

As expected, my salad was teeny and wouldn't ever fill me up, so Johnny prompted me to get something else. I didn't, though, especially not if my only choice would come from here.

This restaurant used to be so nice, and it served all of my favorite vegetarian dishes – like that eggplant pizza my mother managed to nab the recipe of. It seemed like now, though, with the regular chef gone, things were changing.

I wondered if that was always what the city was like. Always changing.

At least out in Oak Tree, things stayed relatively the same.

…

After dinner was done and we'd tipped and headed out, Johnny and I took a few minutes before catching the train back to town. We talked a little more about this and that and the other thing, but it wasn't really anything important.

As the train pulled up to the line, I remembered I wanted to ask him something.

"How do you feel about double dates?"

My question must've caught him a bit off guard because he stepped back a few feet before looking at me. "Where'd that come from?"

I shrugged. "I've been meaning to ask you, I just kept forgetting with all the other stuff."

We got on the train and sat down in the car. Naturally, there wasn't anybody else there – it wasn't very surprising to find an empty car when you're going to the middle of nowhere at nine at night.

Johnny sighed. "So you've already found someone new?"

I gave him a funny look. "What?" Where did he come up with that?

He stared back at me, and then I guess he finally understood. "Oh." He chuckled a little. "Sorry, I guess that was dumb."

"Yeah…" I hesitated. "So… what do you think?"

He looked thoughtful. "Would it be with that couple you were telling me about? What were their names… Rae something or other?"

"Raeger and Lillie," I said. I'd described them to him as my friends earlier, as I was hoping that we were already. "I haven't really had that much time to spend with either of them so far, but they seem like really nice people. I think it'd be fun."

He put his hands up in front of him, mimicking a scale like he was weighing his options. "I guess I could go sometime. I'm busy this weekend, though."

I frowned. "What's going on?"

"If I tell you, you might get mad."

"If you _don't_ tell me, I'll get even more mad."

Johnny sighed. "Okay, okay. I'm going biking up the mountain with the guys."

I felt my heart clench a little and looked down at the floor of the car. "I… really wish you wouldn't do that."

He patted my back. "Don't worry, we'll all be careful."

That really wasn't what I was worried about, but I didn't know if I could voice my concerns properly right now. I stayed silent, mostly out of astonishment.

The rest of the ride passed by like that, but thankfully it was only another ten minutes before we stopped at the town.

The sky was very clear for this time of night, I noticed. There wasn't a cloud in sight, so now that we were back, I could see all the stars starting to come out. It was really pretty.

"Hey… Annie."

It wasn't the same voice he'd use when he was angry, and it wasn't the same tone he used when he told me he loved me yesterday, either. I hesitantly looked over at him.

"Yeah?"

"Sorry for being so insensitive." He rubbed at the back of his neck, a habit I'd learned was uncontrollable whenever he was feeling nervous. "But… I'm not your parents, and I know how to drive a motorcycle, really. Don't worry so much."

I pursed my lips. He was right, I knew he was. I knew not everyone who drove motorcycles caused accidents. I knew that Johnny didn't act the same way my parents did, and he didn't drive the way they did, either. But it wasn't that that I was worried about.

It was that I almost didn't even accept the possibility that I could lose another person close to me. Like I had nobody else close to me _to_ lose. It honestly kinda scared me.

I nodded. "I know." I sighed. "Sorry for worrying so much."

"It's fine," he said. "You've got every reason to worry."

He started coming closer to me, and then he grabbed both of my hands. It was really cheesy, but the dark sky made him look even better, and with him kissing me and his blond hair pushed away from his eyes for pretty much the first time that night, he almost looked like a prince. I giggled stupidly.

"What? I'm trying to be cool here!"

That just made me laugh more, and I felt most of the tension in my heart dissipate.

Johnny was very close to me. It was stupid to think that I couldn't lose him. Part of being in love with someone was accepting that something bad could happen just as easily as something good could.

Before I could open my eyes back up (I normally closed them when I laughed hard) I felt pressure on my mouth, so I kissed him back. Something like this sure hadn't happened in a long time.

Our kiss didn't last very long, but it was really nice. He was my first and only, but I was pretty sure he was a good kisser.

"I'll call you later," he said, "but the train's gonna leave any minute, so I gotta get."

I nodded, though I was sad he had to leave so soon. "If you want to, you can crash at my place."

"That's probably not a great idea." He rubbed his fingers over my knuckles. "Remember what happened last time?"

I blushed like mad, all too aware of what he was referring to. "Y-yeah, I do. That doesn't have to happen again, though."

He shrugged nonchalantly. "I'd probably want it to." He laughed when I didn't respond. "I can tell you wouldn't be up for it, though, so I should go."

I nodded again. It wasn't like I wanted him to leave, but I didn't want to get a heart attack thinking of the two of us together last time. "Make sure you call me. It's lonely here."

He chuckled. "Just talk to that Raeger guy or whatever. You said he gives you advice, right? Maybe he can give you advice on how to have fun around here."

See, some guys could get jealous regarding a guy their girlfriends talked to, but Johnny wasn't like that at all. Maybe it just went hand in hand with the childhood friend thing, because we knew that nothing would happen.

"Yeah." I smiled.

He didn't stick around for very much longer at all, so I waved to him as he boarded the train. I heaved a sigh of both relief and worry. I really didn't like the thought of him biking, after all.

Even though it was super hot earlier, right now the weather was pretty chilly for summer. I didn't bring a cover up so I had to wrap my arms around myself to try and keep my shoulders warm.

On my way back, I really didn't expect to find Raeger seated on the bench there. Was he… watching us?

"I didn't mean to," he told me when I asked him. "I'm just waiting for Lillie to get back."

Then I remembered her excitement about the possible promotion. "Did she get it?"

"The promotion?" he asked. I nodded, and he shook his head. "I don't know yet, that's why I'm waiting."

A breeze came by and I involuntarily shivered. "It's freezing out here."

He laughed. "Here." He wasn't wearing it, but he gave me the jacket he was holding. It did look warm. "I know you've got a long walk home, so take it. You can give it back tomorrow or whenever."

I frowned. "What if Lillie needs it when she gets off?"

"She probably won't. Besides, the restaurant's not too far away anyway, and that's where I live so we'll probably just stay there."

I nodded, a bit jealous. Johnny and I really didn't have a normal relationship, did we? Otherwise, if we did, he wouldn't have refused my offer to stay with me, right?

Raeger must've sensed it, because he started talking again. "You're just getting back into the relationship. You shouldn't worry about it too much."

Well, if he was saying that, that meant he was more or less eavesdropping and heard everything, right? But if he _heard_ everything, then…

He probably saw us kiss, too. My face flushed out of embarrassment.

"D-did you see that?"

That smirk came onto his face again. "Don't get too carried away."

I palmed my face. Another breeze blew by, and I decided to take him up on that offer, draping his coat over my shoulders. Already, I felt so much better and warmer.

"Want to sit?"

I turned my head towards him. It was a pretty tiny bench, and I definitely didn't want Lillie to get the wrong idea, but these heels were killing me…

"Yeah, sure." He scooted over to the right and I sat beside him. Our bodies didn't touch but where he'd just sat previously was really warm, so I relished that. "Thanks."

He nodded. "No problem. I know how cold Lillie gets, so I can only imagine how it is for you."

Did that mean I was even smaller than Lillie? She looked pretty dainty when I sized her up yesterday.

I shrugged, but the jacket almost came off so I didn't do that again. "I'll live."

He seemed to take that in stride, but the air told me there was something else he was worried about. "What's wrong with motorcycles?"

I flinched a little. To say I was expecting that would be a lie. I guessed, though, he really had heard everything. "Nothing _wrong_ with them, per se…"

"Something about your parents and motorcycles?"

He was kind of persistent, wasn't he?

I sighed. I didn't really mind when people asked questions about me, but some subjects, like this one, were still pretty sensitive to me (as evidenced in my conversation with Iris earlier).

"My parents… um, they died in a crash when I was younger. It was right around my twelfth birthday, and they went out to get a rental car so we could go up to the mountains because I thought it was really pretty up there."

I took in a deep breath. "But on the way back, some guy on a motorcycle sped through the stop sign where they were turning, and they swerved to miss him, but they missed the road, too."

It didn't feel as cold as it did earlier, but I wasn't sure if it was because of Raeger's jacket or because my blood was boiling as I repeated the story. It was surprising, but I actually hadn't told too many people. After it happened, the only person I was really close to was Johnny, so of course he knew.

A few moments of silence passed by, but then Raeger said the pitiful thing.

"I'm sorry to hear that."

It didn't really bother me, I guess, but I'd really rather not have had someone pity me just because I was an orphan. "It's fine. It was almost twelve years ago." In fact, the date was fast approaching –

"So it's almost your birthday?"

I smiled. He was trying to cheer me up. "Yeah. Fall thirteenth."

He nodded. "Good to know. Maybe we can all do something on that day."

I was glad that at least someone else was completely on board with the double date thing. I got curious with my next question, though. "When's your birthday?"

"Summer ninth." He looked over at me and chuckled when he saw my sad face. I was even in town and I missed it. That stunk.

"I'll just have to make sure to stay long enough to celebrate the next one," I told him.

He smiled and nodded. "Looks like it."

It was quiet for a little while longer, and if I didn't know any better I'd say it was already ten o'clock.

I stood up. "I should probably get home."

"Yeah, you should go home and take a bath," he agreed, though something bothered me.

"Are you saying I stink?"

It wouldn't surprise me if I did, because I was a very sweaty person in general, but still.

He laughed. "No, not really. I'm just teasing you."

I puffed out my lip. "You're really kinda mean, y'know that?"

Raeger nodded. "Yeah, Lillie tells me that all the time."

I noticed something then. Even though I didn't know them all that well yet, Raeger and Lillie talked about each other a lot, Raeger especially. Was that also something that normal couples did that Johnny and I didn't do?

Of course, I thought about him a lot, but I usually didn't talk about him unless something was wrong. Was I petty? Was I a bad girlfriend? Was Johnny a bad boyfriend?

Well… maybe in the future I could ask Raeger about it, since he really was good at helping me out, but right now I didn't want to bother him with my problems while he was worried about his own. Lillie didn't really deserve to deal with that, either, and as much as I wanted to wait for her, too, it wasn't my place to stay.

Plus, it was getting colder by the second – and darker, too.

I waved him goodbye and said goodnight, and then I started walking away. I wrapped myself up tighter in the jacket, practically clinging to it for dear life. It was really warm. If I was as sweaty and smelly as Raeger joked I was, though, I'd definitely have to remember to wash it before I brought it back.

"Hey!" he called out from behind me. I looked back inquisitively. "Don't do anything weird to my jacket!"

My eyes widened, and I felt a bit of a blush creep up to my cheeks. "What the heck are you insinuating?"

I wasn't a pervert or a creepy person or anything. All I was using his jacket for was to keep warm! What a jerk.

At least it was all in good fun, though. It reminded me of when Johnny and I were younger and he'd tease me all the time.

In any case, I kept walking ahead, finally getting out of the deserted trade depot and leaving Raeger to himself. I guess I could've stayed if I really wanted to, since he didn't seem to mind, and I was sure Lillie probably wouldn't, either, but I was asparagus.

I was climbing the spear slowly, avoiding all the spiky leaves that led to nowhere.

* * *

 _~CGA_


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N:** It only took me four days to write this chapter, is this a miracle?! I considered waiting a few more days before posting it, but by then I probably would've forgotten about it, so...

So, uh, I hope everything makes sense in the chapter. If it doesn't feel free to leave a review or PM me or something! We're about to get to the bulk of the story, so just hang tight for a little longer~ In the ideas, the story ends at chapter 13, but we'll see how that goes.

Oh, and I think I forgot to mention this, but Raeger and Lillie are a bit OOC, if you haven't noticed already. I'm writing them differently because it just flows better, in my opinion, and it's more fun to write them when Raeger's not scolding you for being in his kitchen or keeping him up past his bedtime (seriously, I just want a little midnight romance, is that too much to ask?) and Lillie's not stuttering every other sentence, but at least she's adorable.

As always, thanks for reading! All three forms of feedback help me immensely, so thanks in advance!

* * *

Raeger was teasing me a lot more now, for some reason or another.

I didn't exactly mind, since I wasn't too sensitive, but it got kind of annoying sometimes. He started the day I brought his jacket back, accusing me of doing weird things, whatever that meant, and even now, just a few days from my birthday, he was still going strong.

It probably just meant that he was comfortable around me, right? If you spend a few weeks with the same person, wouldn't that happen?

Well, regardless of his reason, I started coming to the restaurant every night to chat. He would give me some recipes every now and then and show me the basics of how to prepare them, which was pretty neat. I'd burned quite a few dishes at home, but I told him it worked out fine – I don't think he knew how horrible of a cook I was.

What wasn't cool, though, was that I'd tried to call Johnny countless times throughout the week to set up a dinner or something over the weekend, but even when we were able to talk, he said he was busy and couldn't. I hadn't even really gotten to talk to him at all.

But whatever. I wasn't going to keep bugging and chasing after him; both sides had to give sometimes.

Raeger kept me company, at least. And I'd gotten the chance to hang out with Lillie after all, so sometimes we would talk girl stuff.

Still, something about seeing the two of them together made me feel a little uncomfortable. I'd seen other couples from afar sometimes, but that was out in public and besides, Johnny and I were homebodies for the most part. So they were kinda the first couple I got to observe up close.

It wasn't like I thought Johnny and I were doing things _wrong_ , but it definitely felt like we were different. In a somewhat bad way.

But didn't that just go along with the childhood friends thing? We were already so used to each other that nothing we did really mattered anymore.

"Annie?"

Oh, yeah. I almost forgot I was talking to both of them, the happy couple. "Yeah?"

Lillie laughed. "You didn't hear me?"

"No, not really," I admitted lamely, rubbing my neck. What was going on again?

"What are you thinking about?" Raeger asked.

I turned to look at him. "Just… I just think you guys look really good together.

I expected at least Lillie to look a little embarrassed, but they looked at each other and started laughing. I didn't get it, so I was glad she caught me up.

"We've been together for a while, but even before that, it just felt like something clicked." She smiled over at Raeger, and he nodded. Man, was he whipped.

I understood what Lillie said to some extent, though. It was a long time ago, and it was probably some sort of stupid childhood fantasy, but I did feel some click with Johnny.

"Something like… you know you want to be with this person forever?" I asked, hoping I really did understand.

She nodded. "At least for a long time. I don't really know if I could handle Raeger's cooking forever."

I stifled a laugh. Was that why I never saw her eat at the restaurant? She didn't like Raeger's cooking?

"Hey," he said in an annoyed tone, "at least I _can_ cook."

She giggled. "That's debatable."

I didn't find anything wrong with it – and in fact the vegetable sandwich he made me tasted just like the old Lakeside's chef's – but I wasn't going to say anything and ruin their fun.

"Okay!" Raeger shouted after a while. "We'll have a match to decide who's the better cook, then."

"A sparring match? Raeger, you're gonna crush her – "

"No, you idiot," he scolded me. I should've known better than to make jokes at this time. "A cooking competition. Lillie and I will each make a dish, and then we'll have you judge whose food's better."

"Wh-what? Annie's the judge?" Lillie whined. "That's not very fair at all! She eats here all the time, so she's biased!"

I guess she had a point. I thought Raeger was a great chef, so I already knew what to expect, but on the other hand, I'd be excited to try someone else's food so maybe that would add to the flavor.

"I really don't mind judging…"

"No, it's fine," Raeger told me briskly. "We can get someone else to."

"But I see everyone from town come in at least once a week. They'd be too used to your food, too."

He seemed to take my counter into consideration. "All right… So we can't have my customers but we also can't pick a tourist off the street because most of them stay at the inn…"

"And that's where I cook," Lillie finished for him.

Both of them looked like they were at a loss so I decided to chip in. "I could have Johnny do it."

Ha! He hardly had a palate, though.

Raeger nodded. "That sounds fine, but would he be able to make it here on such short notice?"

"Oh." I hadn't really thought about that.

"Yeah," Lillie said. "The city's about an hour away… and it's already four."

He groaned and put a hand to his face. "At least it's Wednesday so the restaurant's closed. We might have to postpone this until a later time, though."

"No, no, just hold on," I protested. "Can I use your phone?"

Raeger was right; it was Wednesday, and Johnny had Wednesdays off, too, the last I knew. He would be able to come for sure.

He nodded. "Sure, it's upstairs. You really think he'll do it?"

"Yeah! He can't say no to me." I smiled and looked at Lillie. "I bet you know how it is."

She laughed in response. "Yeah."

Raeger snapped his head between the two of us, trying to think of something to rebut with.

I didn't wait for him, though, and I got up off the stood and ran past them up the stairs. I hesitated because I'd never been to Raeger's actual room before, but I pushed that away in determination.

This was really fun. I'd almost forgotten how it felt to have close friends to hang out with. I didn't even really feel lonely that Johnny wasn't there because I had them.

But I had to call him, anyway.

I opened the door and flicked on the light switch.

I told myself I didn't have time to dawdle, I needed to find the phone, but Raeger's room was just so unbelievably plain and boring I couldn't help it.

His sheets were white, bed frame brown, and an unimpressive wood plank floor ran throughout the small space. There was an attached bathroom, at least, because the downstairs was obviously the restaurant, but other than that, there really wasn't anything.

No family pictures, no cool robot action figure collection, and no hanging caricatures of him and Lillie anywhere.

He might've had a quirky personality, but… Raeger was boring.

The second someone stepped foot into my house they would see dozens upon dozens of boxes, mostly filled with photos, because there was nowhere else for them to go anymore. If they went near the bed, they'd see framed pictures of little me and Johnny on the nightstand. In the living room were pictures of me on the farm all those years ago.

Basically, I liked pictures. Each and every one, even the finger over the lens ones, had a story behind it. They were collections of your life, little snippets that reminded you of how fun it was, and I knew someone like Raeger should have pictures somewhere. I could just tell.

But where?

I checked his nightstand, underneath his bed, the top drawer of his dresser, all the normal places someone would keep important stuff. I couldn't find anything.

I was about to give up, but there was one place I hadn't looked yet.

I turned the handle of the bathroom door and stepped in, and sure enough, there they were. There were two frames, one on each end of the sink.

The one on the left had, what I thought, a younger Raeger surrounded by a woman and an older man. The woman looked a lot like him, so I figured that was his mother, but I didn't know who the man was. Raeger looked nothing like him.

Then, the one closer to me on the right showed the same old man, maybe just a few years later. He was smiling, all his wrinkles showing in plain sight.

I took a look around, searching for a box or something, but had no luck. Just the shower and toilet left, nothing out of the ordinary.

Did he really not have any more photos? It was so strange –

"Annie?"

Oh, shoot. That was Raeger's voice.

I could hear his footsteps approaching quickly, and my heartbeat thumped in my chest just about as loud as them, but I couldn't hide because there was nowhere to go. Maybe in the show –

"What are you doing?"

I looked back, my hand ready to yank open the shower curtain. He looked confused; I probably would, too.

"Uh… I couldn't find the phone." I was lying through my teeth and I knew he knew it and it showed. If I'd found my way into the bathroom, I could definitely find the phone on his nightstand.

"I don't think it's in the shower."

He sounded pretty calm, actually, for having just caught a stalker. "Now what are you really doing?" he asked more seriously.

I sighed and took my hand away from the curtain. "I was looking for pictures."

He didn't seem too impressed. "Why?"

I shrugged. "I was… curious. I wanted to know if you were like me."

That much was true; I just didn't know that until I said it. I wanted to know if the vibe he gave off, especially now after seeing his room, was from that or something else.

I just found myself wanting to know more about him. He really was kind of interesting.

Raeger walked in and grabbed one of the frames, the left one. "You saw these, didn't you?"

I nodded stupidly.

"Can you guess who these people are?"

I shook my head. "I know the little one's you, and I thought the woman there was your mother, but I don't know the old guy."

He chuckled. "You're right on the first two. The old guy is my grandfather. I inherited the restaurant from him."

"Oh." Wait, inherited? "So, you mean – "

"He passed away when I was small."

Suddenly, I was on the other side, and I finally understood how helpless someone felt when they had to say the pitiful words. I swallowed the lump in my throat.

"I'm sorry to hear that."

The air was tense and awkward and I was just about ready to apologize again, tell him to forget the whole thing, but then he spoke up.

"I'm not sure if it's my place to say this, but… all three of us are the same."

Three? "What do you mean?"

"You, me, and Lillie. I think the reason we all get along so well is because we've all lost people who were important to us."

"Wait," I stopped him, "Lillie's the same?"

Just who did she lose? She acted like one of those people who had everything: the hot boyfriend (yes, I could finally admit that), the good-paying job, the looks, the fit body, the small town inn where she could talk to all kinds of people.

Sometimes, though, the most unfortunate people were the best actors, I'd learned. I guessed that was also true in her case, then.

"She lost her mother at a young age, just a few years after Melanie was born." He chuckled. "I was only about eleven years old at the time, but I remember watching Lillie and Angela try to push their parents together."

That did sound kind of endearing – two girls setting up their parents in traps so they would fall in love. I remembered doing that the summer my parents separated.

"So… do you think it's in our subconscious to find the same people we are?" I asked.

I didn't think he understood my question, judging by his face. "I mean… the middle child of the family usually attracts another, that sort of thing. It's almost like our hearts know what we're looking for even if our minds don't."

Raeger snickered. "That's real corny coming from you."

"Hey!" I punched him lightly on the arm. I was trying to be serious! He just laughed again.

"I guess you're right, though. Misery loves company, after all."

I nodded. "That's true." Was that why he wasn't mad that I was rifling through his stuff? Well, maybe he didn't know I went through his whole room…

After a few more moments he cleared his throat.

"So… phone's on the nightstand."

"Right."

I wasted no time. I practically sprinted past him to get out of the bathroom and to the nightstand, where I picked up the phone.

I already knew Johnny's number, so I dialed it.

Ring… ring… ring…

"Hello?"

"Hey, it's me."

There was a short pause. Did he have a lot of people call him and announce themselves the same way or something?

"Annie?"

I nodded, then remembered he couldn't see me. "Yeah."

"Where are you?"

"What?"

"I don't recognize this number."

It clicked now. Seriously? I had something to ask him. "Sorry. I'm at Raeger's."

Another short pause. "You're at his house?"

"Um… yes?"

He sighed. "Really?"

"What's the prob – "

"Annie."

I stopped mid-question and looked at Raeger.

"Give me the phone." He made that "come here" hand motion, and didn't really look all that happy. I hesitated briefly.

"Johnny, I'm gonna put Raeger on, all right?"

He might've tried to protest but I handed the phone to Raeger and that was the end of it.

"Hey, this is Raeger. Yes, the chef. Yeah, she's at my house, yeah, in my room using my phone. My girlfriend Lillie's downstairs, though, so you don't have to get so jealous."

I stifled a laugh. I didn't think Johnny was the jealous type because he'd never done this before – but it was funny seeing how frustrated Raeger got trying to talk to him. Now he knew my pain.

"So, I have a favor to ask."

He explained the contest, which I'd almost forgotten about again, and talked idly about some more stuff.

"Yeah, I understand. All right, thanks anyway. See you soon maybe? …No, for the double date. Didn't Annie tell you?"

Whoops. That must've slipped my mind after I couldn't reach him on the seventh call.

It sounded like Johnny's voice was rising in volume, and then Raeger sighed.

"Well, we're aiming for her birthday… What do you mean when's that?"

Even though Raeger got mad at me when I followed him into the kitchen and raided his fridge sometimes, I'd never heard him get legitimately upset like this before. It was almost scary.

"R-Raeger, it's okay – "

"Her birthday's this weekend, on Sunday. I've barely known her a couple weeks and I'm taking the day off to hang out with her and Lillie. We wanted you to come, too, but it sounds like you already made plans over your girlfriend."

"Hey, c'mon, that's enough…"

Why was he getting so mad? Was it for me? Because it honestly didn't matter that much to me… I'd spent enough birthdays with Johnny already that it was fine for him to miss one.

It wasn't that I didn't appreciate him getting upset on my behalf, but I didn't really like his tone. Though, right now, if I had to choose between siding with either guy, it'd probably be him.

I wasn't afraid to let people, especially Johnny, know how I felt, but I wasn't any good at defending or sticking up for myself. I was kind of all talk.

"Well, if you don't have plans, then show up to town on Sunday. I'm sure Annie would want that more than anything."

He had a point there. I wasn't going to interrupt him anymore, though. Maybe this was how guys bonded…?

"I'm not insinuating anything. Just that you should pay more attention to your girlfriend, and remember why she hates motorcycles."

"Raeger!" So much for not interrupting, but that was too far and too low. "That's enough."

I yanked the phone from him but he leaned over me to yell back into it.

"Don't bother showing up on Sunday. I'll take her somewhere without you."

"Quit!" I yelled at him. I took my hand off the speaker. "You both are acting like five-year-olds."

I sighed while Johnny started insisting he didn't do anything. Like I said, five-year-olds. "I don't care. But I think Raeger's right – I don't want you here for my birthday this year. Have fun with your bike."

I hung up then. My heart felt like it was about to beat right out of my chest, and my hands were shaking like crazy. I'd never stood up for myself so assertively before, especially to him.

It felt kind of exhilarating.

"Thanks for backing me – "

"Don't expect me to go to a double date with that guy any time soon."

Oh.

I gulped. So that wasn't a bonding thing? That was a serious thing?

…which also meant I'd just told Johnny off in a very rude way. My adrenaline left me and suddenly all I was left with was guilt.

"Sorry," I said. "Um… if-if you want, I can still be the judge. I promise I'll be fair."

He shook his head. "It's fine. I'll probably just go for a walk. Can you keep Lillie company?"

"Yeah," I said quickly. "No problem." There was one thing I had to ask him before he left, though. "Why did you say all that stuff?"

He chuckled darkly. "Haven't you ever had to stick up for a friend before? Someone who felt too powerless to do anything?"

So that was what it was? He thought I was pretty weak, too, then, huh…

But he was standing up for me? I was really a friend? "Thanks."

I smiled despite the atmosphere and my mood, but he wasn't having any of it.

"You might want to start reevaluating your relationship with that guy."

It wasn't any of his business what I did with Johnny, but I had to admit, he was right. In all the years I'd known him, he'd never acted up so severely like that.

But… did he really change? Or was it me? Was I growing so accustomed to country life that the attitude of a city person got to me now?

I gulped and nodded.

Raeger turned around and left the room pretty quickly, but I followed him down the stairs. It was quiet and awkward again, and it only got worse when I saw Lillie seated in her stool.

At least she had her phone to keep her busy, though.

She looked up, her expression dropping from content to concerned, when Raeger headed out the door.

"What's going on?" She looked at me then the door. "Where's Raeger?"

…

It took a few days, sadly, for all the tension to die down, but it was finally my birthday, and that meant it was time to have some fun.

Of course, first off, I had to get myself ready.

I hadn't been to the restaurant in a while, but earlier in the day I headed over with Raeger (he actually showed up at my door) and we chatted for a bit, apologized to each other for the other day, and started preparations for later when Lillie would get home. It almost felt like it was a party for her rather than for me, but it was fun anyway.

Though, because he came to get me so early, I didn't really have the time to make myself pretty. I was glad Raeger didn't seem to mind, but I minded, so I told him I'd come back home and fix myself up a bit before we met up with Lillie.

So there I was, at home, trying to do my half-baked beauty attempt.

I tried to do my hair up the same way I had it for my and Johnny's date, but that only made me think of him so I took it out. I didn't want to completely forget about him today, but I admitted that the thought of him brought me down.

So I settled for a light curl and called it good. It looked pretty windy out, so it probably wouldn't stay pretty for long, anyway.

We never ended up doing the cooking challenge thing, obviously, but it sounded fun so I was thinking about bringing it up later. If they refused, I'd give them the "it's my birthday" excuse.

Maybe we could guilt Dr. Marian into judging, because as far as I knew he didn't go to the restaurant that often, and besides, he still owed me for the stairs incidents, anyway. Or maybe I could just quit being a klutz.

Well, regardless, after I was ready I started walking outside. It felt kinda weird meeting up at eight at night, but we didn't have another choice since that was when Lillie got off work. And if we were talking about weird, it should've been that I'd actually spent all day at the restaurant with Raeger. While we were talking, though, it really didn't feel like three hours.

And he looked like a clean freak, but there was some weird refrigerator fluff we found when we moved it away from the wall. Nevertheless, we cleaned it, on my birthday, and I didn't even get rewarded for it.

Since Lillie got the promotion, she was working weekends now, meaning if I wanted to see her, I'd probably have to start heading over there around this time. That stunk. She was head meteorologist now, whatever that meant. I was happy for her, but I shared some sadness with Raeger because we couldn't see her as often.

I left the house and took in the sunset before moving, amazed that even though it was the middle of fall, it was still light out.

Nobody was outside as I walked down the paths to town. It wasn't very surprising, considering most people around here had late dinners, though. In any case, I was actually relieved that I hadn't gotten stopped by people who figured out it was my birthday. That was probably the last thing I needed today.

I got to the trade depot after a few minutes, thankfully not tripping on the death stairs, and I met up with Raeger again.

"Hey," I said. He turned to me. "Lillie's still not here yet?" When I left it was already five after eight.

He shook his head. "Before she left she said she might be a little late."

Well that was too bad. Meanwhile Raeger closed the restaurant early for my sake.

But I understood; she only just got promoted so it wasn't like she could request a day off already, and that was fine. Besides, I never asked anyone to take time off just for me.

I sighed and sank down next to him on the bench. "Looks like we'll be here a while."

"Yeah."

"Do you think she'd mind if we went back without her?"

He chuckled. "You just got here. We can wait for a bit."

I nodded. He was right – I didn't want to walk back alone anyway. "How long have you been waiting here?"

He shrugged. "Just a few minutes before you got here."

Well, that explained why the bench wasn't too warm even though he'd been all sprawled out before I came.

"So… can I ask you something?"

Raeger glanced over at me. "I guess."

He wasn't very talkative all of a sudden, huh?

"Um… how can I make a guy happy?"

"Whoa!"

Sure, I didn't know where the question came from, either, but why'd he get all defensive? Did he think I was asking…?

"I-I didn't mean it that way," I told him immediately. Really, was that the only thing he could think of?

He laughed awkwardly. "All right, so what do you mean?"

I sighed. "Well, just, how can I make sure I won't make Johnny leave?" I remembered our conversation a while back and how I just yelled at him. I'd never done that before. "Do you think we're still okay?"

He nodded. "I'm sure you two are fine."

His simple response wasn't very reassuring, but I supposed I couldn't blame him, because they got pretty snotty with each other the other day. I shouldn't have expected a helpful answer, especially when he told me to take another look at my relationship with Johnny.

I bit my lip. Still…

"How do I prevent it from happening again?"

I'd quickly learned that Raeger was really smart when it came to relationships. I didn't know if he'd just had a ton of girlfriends before or something, but I took his advice seriously – except the part where he basically told me to break up with Johnny. Now, what would he say this time?

He sighed. "Just be yourself."

I stared at him, confused. "What?"

"Be yourself," he said again, louder this time. "Most girls think they have to change one thing or another about themselves to make guys like them. But when we see you not being yourselves, trying to act like someone else, it makes us put up a facade, too."

He looked at me. "Get it?"

I nodded slowly. "I think so… but we've been together since we were only like eight, so I don't know how I can act any more like myself than I have been already."

"It should just be natural," he said. "If you're forcing it, that's not who you really are."

Everything he said made sense and all, but for some reason, I just didn't understand.

I found myself always overthinking and worrying about the little things when it came to Johnny. Even though he made me happy thinking about fun times together, when we were actually together, I was usually ticked off by something he did or said.

And then there was the other day when it was almost completely natural when I yelled at him.

Was that the real me? Was I really just a girl who was mad all the time?

"Am I that shallow?"

My question surprised me, especially when it was loud enough for Raeger to hear it, too. Did he?

"I don't know what's gotten you so worried all of a sudden, but quit it. It's your birthday."

Before I knew it, he had me in a headlock. I yelled at him while he just kept laughing, but it was kinda fun. And he was definitely right. It was my birthday and I had to have a good time, with or without Johnny.

I heard a loud sigh come from behind us and I pushed Raeger away with a ton of force. It sounded like Lillie.

I turned around and sure enough, it was.

"If you two are going to flirt behind my back, at least make sure it's really behind it."

She didn't seem upset or anything, just a little tired, but I could only imagine what it looked like.

Raeger was messing up my hair and laughing like a madman while I hurled insults at him. Lillie was right. I guess we were kind of flirting.

"Sorry," I muttered lamely. It had to have bothered her, right? I knew it would bother me to see Johnny messing around with some other girl.

I felt more pressure on my head and gave Raeger a good slug on the arm. This was no time to be playing around!

"Jeez, don't act so glum," he told me. "Lillie knows you're not even like a girl to me."

Ouch. That stung a bit.

Even though we weren't talking right now, I had Johnny and he obviously treated me like a girl, so it shouldn't have mattered what Raeger said or thought, but…

Why would someone who "wasn't even a girl" kiss another guy? And he saw it!

"Wh-what am I then?" I asked timidly. I felt bad that Lillie had to watch us bicker, but if it bothered her she could've stopped us. I wouldn't have minded.

Raeger mockingly put a finger to his chin as if he was thinking about it. I rolled my eyes but waited anyway.

"A friend," he replied, grinning nonchalantly.

I sighed. "A genderless friend?" If I wasn't a girl, then…

He didn't nod his head or anything so I just started walking back towards the restaurant. "Lillie, sometimes I honestly have no idea how you put up with him," I told her with a halfhearted laugh.

She just laughed in response, and when I looked back from a distance they were together, Lillie clinging to his arm, and I was reminded again that Johnny and I weren't a normal couple like them.

…

It was decided, after all, that I would be the judge for their cooking competition. They both insisted that they had the better cake for me to try. Of course, it was my birthday, so I couldn't exactly refuse.

Besides, cake was good any time.

I couldn't help but feel like they were trying to make up for having me call Johnny the other day. After I explained to Lillie everything that happened, she started feeling really bad, and I knew deep down Raeger was probably feeling guilty for blowing up at him like that.

Lillie took a bit longer to prepare hers, but after about an hour I had two slices of strawberry lemon cake in front of me. I actually didn't know which one was whose, so that made it more interesting.

"All right, I'll try this one first…" I brought the one on the left closer.

Neither one made any sort of expression, keeping their poker faces.

I took my fork out and cut a piece, and then the lemon custard filling oozed out. I played around with it a bit until Raeger scolded me, so I put it to my mouth and let the two flavors mingle.

It was almost the perfect mixture of sweet and tangy, the strawberry cake and the lemon inside. It tasted like summer.

I smiled. "It's really good. I like it a lot."

Before I got curious and looked up at their faces, I slid the other plate in front of me. I needed a different fork so as not to mix the two different cakes, so I pulled one out of the drawer (Raeger let me into the kitchen just this once, apparently) and dug in.

This one tasted a little harsher, but at the same time like there was more passion in it. There was less of the strawberry taste and more lemon.

Normally, I loved sour things, so I would've picked the second one in a heartbeat, and the first one tasted a little bland in comparison now, but the first one was still very good on its own.

"This is really hard," I admitted. "I'm not a cook of a professional judge or anything, so don't get mad."

Lillie laughed. "It's for your birthday, so you pick your favorite."

My favorite…? It was definitely tough to decide.

"I guess… my favorite would have to be the second one."

Lillie jumped up in joy while Raeger stared at me in horror. Obviously I picked hers then, right?

"Raeger told me you didn't really like sweet things," she began, "so I thought I'd make it more sour. But then the filling wouldn't bake all the way through… That's why it took forever."

I nodded. They were both right – I didn't care much for sweets. I liked bitter and sour and salty, but not sweet. But…

"How did you know that?" I asked Raeger. And why didn't he remember that, and why did Lillie win? Did he let her win?

He shrugged. "The only drink you ever order is iced tea with lemon and I never see you add sugar to it. When you order food you usually put extra salt on it, no matter what it is."

Did he… stalk me? No, that didn't sound like him. I'd seen all sorts of sides to Raeger now, but stalking didn't suit him.

Then again, I didn't think he could get angry like that, either…

"So, basically, you watch me eat?"

"Raeger! That's rude!" Lillie scolded playfully.

He just rubbed his neck and smiled sheepishly. "I try to remember what my customers like. Then I can make something they really like next time."

Well, that confirmed it. He already dug himself a hole, as far as I was concerned. He'd let her win. Just how whipped was he?

"And yet you still don't know my palate."

"You just have bad taste," he retorted to Lillie.

She pouted. "But Annie likes my cake better. Right, Annie?"

Uh oh. Was I caught in the middle of a spat? "Well… yeah."

Raeger sighed. "Why? Her cooking stinks."

Then why did he let her win? I smiled.

Lillie frowned. "My customers never complain."

"Because they can't set foot in that inn again," he told her slowly. He laughed when she yelled at him.

"Well," he started, "let's clean up. You too, Annie." He ruffled my hair.

"Hey!" I desperately tried to fix it. "There's only a few dishes, though."

He nodded. "I know. I meant your hair."

He proceeded to mock and insult my hair, even after I told him it only looked bad because he'd messed with it so much.

"Mine is messy, too, don't worry," Lillie told me jokingly. And her hair was a little wind-blown.

Raeger laughed but I didn't see him look at her. "Yeah, but at least yours still looks good. Annie's just looks bad."

"What?! You're still saying that?" I glared at him.

"Hey, Annie," Lillie said, sort of interrupting us. "Since you chose my cake, how about I take you to the mall sometime?"

I felt my eyes gleam, and once Raeger gave me one more good hair ruffle, I looked over at her. Was she really asking that? It was really, finally going to happen?

"Th-that sounds awesome!" I grinned. "When would we go?"

She seemed to think for a minute. "Mondays are normally pretty slow, so maybe I could sneak away early tomorrow."

"Even with your promotion?"

She nodded. "The only thing about it that's different is that now I'm working weekends."

"All right," I said. Well, that finalized it. "So… tomorrow then?"

"Yeah!" She smiled. "And Raeger can't come. It'll just be us."

I grinned over at Raeger, but he didn't seem bothered at all. He caught me staring.

"What? You really think I'd want to go to the mall?"

Lillie sighed. "And this is why I don't get presents."

I laughed. "You're cheap, Raeger."

He just shrugged in response, and soon afterwards the excitement of everything died down. We said our goodbyes and Lillie told me to come by the trade depot around three, and then told Raeger to keep his ears open for the phone. If she needed to cancel she'd have to call him because it'd take me too long to get back to my house, and the restaurant was pretty close to the depot anyway.

I really hoped she didn't cancel, though. I didn't need another person I couldn't trust anymore.

* * *

 _~CGA_


	5. Chapter 5

Even though I only had to wait one day, I could finally say that it was Monday and I was going shopping with Lillie later. The night just took a long time to pass.

It was probably the excitement. I hadn't been to the mall with girlfriends in probably five years or more – okay, it was six or more because I just turned twenty-four. Either way, it'd at least been since high school ended.

All my morning chores were done but I didn't eat yet, so I figured I could stop by Raeger's for a quick breakfast. I wasn't ready to go shopping yet because it was only nine, but I knew he wouldn't mind my bedhead.

Regardless, I licked my hands and patted my hair down while moving out the door. I heard the click of the lock, and then I was on my way.

"Oh, Annie?"

Well, until Ms. Eda stopped me.

I turned around and smiled. "Good morning, Ms. Eda." I tried to keep my happy face but something looked wrong.

"Good morning, dear." She smiled for me.

I stared in concern. "What's the matter?"

She shook her head. "It's nothing. I'm afraid this will have to be my last trip down to the town, though. These winding paths are taking their toll on my old body."

"Wh-what? If you're not feeling well, you should lie down."

Eda smiled. "Oh, forget that. Just think of it as an old woman's rantings."

I gulped. I really didn't like the sound of that. My grandmother and I weren't very close, but she started saying things like that just before she passed. She'd remind me not to come home too late and to go to bed on time and, "for Pete's sakes, wash your shoes after you've been playing in the mud."

Those were probably the last words I heard from her, actually.

"What do you need from the store?" I asked her.

Her eyes almost widened. "Don't burden yourself with an old lady."

"No, I'm serious." I wasn't going to back down. No one was going to croak in my book. "I'll get it for you."

"Well…" She was hesitating. I could tell.

"Anything at all," I reminded her. "Ingredients, furniture, clothes, you name it."

She smiled sadly. "You worry too much. I'll be just fine, dear."

"Nope," I said, shaking my head. "I won't take no for an answer."

It took her a few more minutes to be convinced, but I managed to do it. "All right. In that case, I need about a dozen potatoes, some carrots and celery…"

The list went on and on but I didn't have a notebook or anything. I cleared my throat.

"Are you making stew?"

"Oh, heavens, no," she said almost instantly. "I don't like it too much."

I nodded. That was fine, but what was she making then?

At least I had another idea. "How about I make you something tonight?" Albeit, it was a pretty bad one. I couldn't cook at all.

She smiled again, and it looked wider than the other times. "If you don't mind. That would make me very happy."

"Yeah, I'm fine doing that." I felt my face pale as I remembered my ineptitude. "Um… are you able to do breakfast and lunch?"

She flicked her wrist at me. "Don't worry about that. With a home-cooked dinner tonight, I might just starve myself in anticipation."

I laughed awkwardly, hoping she wouldn't really do that.

I bowed my head. "Well, I gotta get going. I'll get those ingredients you need and meet you later. I'm going to the city around three but it'll be before then."

Eda nodded. "Thank you very much, Annie."

After we finally parted ways and I made sure she went back inside, I heaved a sigh. How was I going to learn how to cook something in such a short amount of time? I didn't know anyone who –

"Raeger!" I almost shouted. He would teach me stuff, right?

Well, regardless of the actual answer, I quickened the pace to the restaurant. I was pretty hungry, anyway.

…

"No, no, no, absolutely not."

I stared at Raeger in horror. "Why not?"

He shook his head. "I'm too busy."

"There's nobody even in here," I said, rolling my eyes. "You have plenty of time." He was just being lazy.

He sighed. "Look, why don't you just go ask Lillie later?"

Oh, so he was finally admitting that she was a good cook?

"Because we're going to the mall, not a culinary school." That was a stupid answer and we both knew it. "Plus, she's gonna be too tired to cook." That was better, and believable.

Raeger put a hand to his forehead. "Doesn't your boy toy know how to cook?"

I frowned. He'd been specifically avoiding referring to Johnny as my boyfriend and refusing to believe he had a name. It wasn't like I thought how Johnny acted was right at all, but I didn't need Raeger butting in and straining our relationship even more.

I felt his eyes boring into me.

"Sorry," he said quietly. "I'm not making it easy for you, am I?"

I just shook my head and he sighed again.

"If he's making you feel this bad, then you two shouldn't be together. Since you came here, it seems like he's the thing making you worry so much."

"That's not true."

"Oh? Then what is?"

I hesitated. "That's none of your business."

"Annie, I'm trying to help. If he doesn't make you feel good, he – "

"He doesn't deserve me, I know," I said. "And I know you're trying to help, but if you really want to, you can teach me how to cook."

Maybe I was being overly mean, but it really wasn't any of Raeger's business how Johnny and I interacted, or didn't.

Just like it was none of my business why Raeger didn't tell Lillie not to take the promotion. He was down in the dumps and more cranky lately, and even though I wanted to help… I bit my tongue.

"As long as you know that," he finished – or I thought so, anyway. He muttered something like, "Even Fritz wouldn't treat you like this," but I threw a glare at him and he shut up.

"This isn't our first fight," I told him after a while. And it wasn't; with nearly sixteen years of friendship, we were bound to bump heads every now and then. But –

"But this is worse than it's ever been," I admitted, though I didn't mean to say it. I wasn't looking for pity.

Raeger sighed. "You already know what I'm going to say."

"Yeah." I nodded. "I know. But I can't let our entire friendship go down the drain just because we're both stupid and stubborn."

He laughed. "Stubbornness on both sides isn't normally a good thing."

Something felt off. He was way too cheery while having this conversation. "Why do you want me to dump him so badly?"

He shrugged. "I don't like seeing you unhappy."

It was weird, but I felt some heat rush up to my face and suddenly all I wanted to do was hide. "I-I'm plenty happy! Didn't you see us kiss?"

"Yes. But it looked forced."

"What?!" What the heck was that supposed to mean?

"To me," he started, "it seems like you two are just together for the sake of convenience."

My jaw dropped. "C-convenience? I'll have you know I love Jo – "

"I don't care if you love him, or think you do." He paused to hand over my pancakes. "I think you're only with him because you're afraid of change. You've spent so long with him that you've just grown accustomed to it, it's normal now."

I couldn't believe he was even bringing this up. I didn't want to talk about it.

"You're wrong."

"Think about it, Annie," he told me sternly. "Why would two people stay together for so many years and not be married already unless they were both just too scared to move on?"

I shook my head. That wasn't it at all. "You are so wrong."

"Then why are you crying?"

"I-I'm not." I heard the stutters and pauses in my breath, and I felt the hiccups in my throat. I wasn't crying. It'd been a long, long time since I cried when I wasn't laughing. There was no way what Raeger said made me cry.

…Unless he hit the nail right on the head.

Raeger came around the counter and went to do something – probably lock the door because I heard the click – and I laid my head down on the countertop. I pushed away the plate so I could make an arm pillow for my head while I cried.

The sobs wouldn't stop. They just kept wracking my entire body and I couldn't hear anything other than my wails and my heartbeat.

"It's not fair," I choked out. "Why does everyone g-get to be happy… except me?"

Raeger and Lillie got to be happy, Fritz was happy whenever he injured himself and had to be taken care of by Angela, Agate got all giddy when Mistel scolded her for tripping over things in his store, and even Klaus and Iris seemed to be hitting it off despite their ages.

So why couldn't Johnny and I ever be happy? Why couldn't we ever get married like Raeger said?

I was being a brat, a very immature, spoiled brat, but I couldn't even care. All I could care about was quieting my crying.

And trying to figure out why my body got so incredibly warm when Raeger put his arms on my shoulders. He was so gentle, so helpful, and it almost felt like I was hungry again – except it was also mixed with the feeling I got while riding in a car, going over potholes.

I sniffled.

My stomach felt like it was dropping.

I'd felt something like this only once before, and it wasn't even with Johnny. It was when, in seventh grade, our math teacher was on maternity leave and some young student teacher took her place.

His eyes were the brightest and prettiest blue I'd ever seen, he looked extremely well-built, and his voice practically made me melt so much I almost had to retake algebra.

He was easily my first love. He gave me what were called… butterflies.

And now, being comforted by Raeger, I was getting them again.

"I-I'm okay," I said quickly, sitting up and wiping my eyes. His hands remained where they were. "Really, I'm fine."

I wasn't fine at all. I was so insanely scared I didn't know what to do.

I slid the plate towards me and picked up my fork with a shaky hand, cutting the two pancakes into bite-sized pieces. I popped one into my mouth. It had a very mild flavor, and then there were blueberries mixed in.

"It's really good," I said, still chewing.

He moved his hands, but I didn't see him come back around the counter.

"You sure?"

"Ah!"

There went my fork after he surprised me like that. I didn't dare look to my side because he was right there, eyeing me suspiciously. I gulped.

"Are you just feeling awkward because I saw you cry?"

Actually, no. Suddenly I didn't care about that at all. He was just trying to tease me, anyway.

"Y-yeah," I lied. "Get away."

I felt pressure on my head and he chuckled. "Don't worry. I don't think any less of you."

He finally walked away, but he only resumed watching me from behind the counter. I seriously considered moving seats, but I was the only customer so he could follow me anywhere without distraction.

Something like this had never happened before in my entire life. I'd looked at other guys from afar, sure, and maybe I'd thought about the what-ifs. What if I wasn't already with Johnny? What if I'd grown up in a different area? What if I'd acquainted myself with different people?

But I'd never developed feelings for another guy before. I'd never met someone who made my mind completely disregard Johnny and only make me think about someone else.

I didn't know what was going on, but I found myself wanting his hands right back where they rested. I wanted to stay with him so he could show me how to cook for Eda. I wanted to talk with him even more and really get to know him. I wanted to understand all these feelings.

And most of all, I didn't want to have to face Lillie later, because I was pretty sure I had a crush on her boyfriend.

…

I knew I'd have to eventually go back to the restaurant later so Raeger could teach me the few pointers, but around eleven I booked it out of there. I had to get Eda's things, anyway. Luckily she made me a list before I left.

Mr. Otmar forgot my name again, and I reminded him again, but other than that there wasn't anything interesting until I got back home.

Home.

It was kinda funny when I thought about it. Not too long ago, home was still in the city with Johnny and all the shops and buildings.

Now I wasn't sure if I even belonged in this home, in Oak Tree Town, anymore.

All I did was cause problems, no matter where I was. Back in the city I only nagged Johnny and his friends about motorbiking, and before then I was just a burden to my grandmother and even my parents. That was probably why they all left me alone, and why Johnny was fixing to, as well.

And now I was creating even more problems with this thing with Raeger. I already had a boyfriend and he already had a girlfriend – there was literally no way to make this work.

I guess I didn't really belong anywhere. I shouldn't have moved to the country; at least in the city I didn't realize my life had no meaning.

I sighed as I put the grocery bags down in front of my door, fumbling with my key. I didn't really feel up to delivering everything to Eda right now.

After the door opened I picked up the bags only to set them on the counter. Then I took a flop on the sofa.

How could I have let this happen? Me liking Raeger? Me _not_ liking Johnny? I always thought we would get married and have kids and do whatever else all normal people did. What would happen now?

…I didn't have to tell anyone, I surmised. It could just be my secret. Nobody needed to know.

I huffed. Even though I acted like that, I knew I couldn't go on forever like nothing had changed. Eventually I would blab to the wrong person and everything would be wrong.

Nothing made sense right now. I ran through every single thought in my head, trying to understand just one of them, but the only thing I got from it was that I needed some time off to relax. A bath would be great.

I heaved myself up and trudged to the bathroom, probably leaving skid marks with my shoes along the way.

The tub filled up rather quickly, and I stripped and submerged myself before exhaling. The warm water felt great.

But it only reminded me of Raeger's touch earlier.

I shook my head. It was fall. The air was starting to get colder, so of course I would grow attached to any warmth I got. I didn't really like him, that was ridiculous.

I told myself to relax even if it drowned and killed me and, ridiculously enough, it worked. My mind went totally blank and I couldn't think of a single thing to dwell on anymore. I was completely at peace.

That serenity, I found, lasted almost two hours. My body was heavy, my fingers all wrinkly and pruny, and the air outside the tub was extremely cold.

I'd fallen asleep in the bathtub.

I hugged myself tightly, having brought neither a towel nor a change of clothes because I'd been stupidly stressed, and made my way out into the main room. Even if it was just a nightgown, I needed something, quick, because it was way too cold to –

"Annie?"

I was frozen in place. I couldn't move or even turn my head or yell at him for being here. My shock kept me rooted to the floor.

Just why in the _hell_ had I left my front door wide open for two hours? I knew I was stupid but not this extreme, come on.

I gulped. And why did it have to be Raeger, of all people, to come in at this time?

"Annie?" His voice was getting louder and he was coming closer. Why couldn't I move?! Why was everything in my house out in the open?!

 _Go away, go away, go away, please._

"Hey, where are y – _oh, goddess_!"

My back was facing him but that didn't make the embarrassment lessen any. I closed my eyes, my entire body shaking.

"I-I-I'll wait outside, I'm so sorry."

My ears were ringing so loudly I could barely hear him, but I heard the door slam loud and clear. I let out the breath I didn't even know I was holding, falling to the floor.

That was awkward, and way too close for comfort, and I didn't know if I could even face him after that.

I slowly regained control of my limbs, so I hurried and grabbed whatever I found first in the drawers. It just happened to be a short summer dress, but I couldn't wear that because one, it wasn't warm enough, and two, I definitely did not want Raeger reliving that moment again – or me, really.

I looked more carefully this time and chose some jeans and a blouse. Loose-fitting clothes – take that, Raeger!

I squeezed the water out of my hair before taking long, deep breaths near the door. Was I really ready to face him? It wasn't every day that the guy you liked saw your naked butt (at least, not for me).

I shook my head. I didn't like him, though. I'd already figured that out.

Before I could prolong it any further, I opened the door. He stood there like an idiot and wouldn't meet my eye, but the hint of red dusting his cheeks told me the thing I didn't want to know most.

I definitely liked him.

"What did you need?" I asked, trying to sound as straight-laced as possible.

"Oh. I-I just…" He took in a deep breath and then let it out. "Okay. I'm all right now, sorry. It's just, you're the first girl – erm, woman – that I've, y'know…"

My cheeks burned as I turned the other way. "S-stop talking, please," I begged. I didn't need to know that I was the first female he'd seen a glimpse of naked before. I squeezed my face with my hands to stop it from heating up so much.

He cleared his throat a few times, probably stalling. "Okay, so… Lillie called me a while ago."

I nodded, but a sharp pain ran through me as he mentioned her name.

"She said she won't be available till later and that if you want to reschedule, that's fine."

"Oh." So we wouldn't be able to go, after all. I didn't really know how to feel about that.

I should've been relieved, because it would be awkward talking to the girl who was essentially my rival, but I wasn't relieved because Lillie was my friend. No matter what happened, I hoped we stayed that way.

"Um, I guess… we'll just go whenever she's free," I said.

It wasn't a big deal. I could just go back to the way things were before – we all could. Raeger and Lillie could be happy, Johnny could be having fun with his friends without me nagging at him, and I… well, I could do whatever I wanted, as long as it didn't involve those three.

I couldn't just move out, though. That was out of the question.

I had people like Eda relying on me now, and I had things like Hanako to take care of. What a waste it would all be if I wasn't around anymore.

I wouldn't get woken up in the middle of the night by Eda's rooster, Veronica wouldn't come by and compliment my farm, I wouldn't get to laugh at Fritz when he jumped off the ledges and hurt himself and got scolded by Angela…

There'd be nothing for me to look forward to, and honestly, people would miss me. Besides, where would I go? Back to the city? There wasn't anything there for me anymore.

But it also didn't feel like there was a point to sticking around if I had to tiptoe around the few friends I'd managed to make.

"Raeger?" I asked, mustering up all my courage. I couldn't run away forever, especially since I had things to look after.

"Yeah?"

I cleared my throat. "Eda isn't feeling well, so I told her I would make her dinner tonight. If you taught me how to cook, my food wouldn't taste like burnt cardboard and maybe I could go over to her house every night to help out."

"Annie – "

"Don't say no yet!" I yelled. "Just let me finish."

He crossed his arms but didn't object again.

"Well, I guess I am finished… Will you help me?"

Raeger sighed and uncrossed his arms. "So those recipes I gave you?"

"Burned them with the food."

His eyes widened and he stared at me in horror. "So you are…"

"Completely hopeless in the kitchen," I admitted loudly. If I didn't accept that there was a problem, how could I be expected to fix it?

He started laughing. "I knew there had to be a reason you're at the restaurant every day. I'm just glad it wasn't to see me."

My breath caught in my throat. Actually…

No, I couldn't tell him that. Did I really like Raeger? Did I still like Johnny – did I ever?

I shook my head. "Nobody in their right mind would go out of their way just to see you."

I could keep a secret for a while.

…

My afternoon was spent with a very annoying Raeger trying to torment – I mean, teach me how to cook. He yelled at me and threw my food on the ground, asking how could I manage to burn that, and overall was just _mean_.

It only made things worse when he insisted I call him Master.

I immediately refused, of course, with a harsh glare when he asked why not. I didn't feel like explaining to him why I was uncomfortable addressing him as that, so when my first semi-edible dish was done, I just left the house.

It was already five, surprisingly, so Eda was probably already expecting me – earlier when I finally delivered what I bought for her, I told her I'd be back, I wasn't going to the city.

Raeger grabbed my arm and stopped me as I walked out the door, though.

"What's up?" I asked, trying to act calm and not burn my hands on the pot.

He let go. "Lillie's been saying that this winter will be a lot colder than in the past."

It took a little longer than necessary for me to get it, but I nodded. "Thanks." That just meant I really had to stick to schedule and stop by every night, pay more attention to Eda. It wouldn't be hard, considering we were neighbors, anyway. Of course, that was assuming he wasn't concerned for me.

"Oh, um," I said, hesitating, "if you want, you can stay for a bit – y'know, s-since you already closed up the restaurant and all."

He shook his head. "You just want me to clean up your mess." He ruffled my hair as I smiled sheepishly. He could call it that. "I'll do it just this once, because there's still some things that you could perfect with that soup."

I looked down at the pot I was carrying. "It's just broth."

He stifled a laugh. "I know."

I pursed my lips. I wanted to punch him but I'd drop the pot if I did. "Whatever," I settled for. I walked away, and I could hear him still laughing behind me.

I smiled. What a jerk.

When I knocked on her door, it seemed Eda really was expecting me. The table was set – for two, I noted – and it looked like she tidied the place up a little. She didn't have to do that; my house was always a mess and I never did anything with it.

After she greeted me, I put the pot of soup (broth) on the stove and turned it on to heat it back up. Even though the pot was hot, because I'd tried making several other things in it before now, the broth was just barely room temperature.

"It's… just broth," I made sure to tell her lamely. "Chicken broth."

She smiled and waved it off. "Ah, but it's warm. I love anything so long as it's warm."

"Except stew, right?" I asked with a laugh.

She laughed with me. "Yes, that's right."

I pulled out the chair for her to sit down and as she thanked me I took the bowl in front of her. I filled it up with the broth and blew on it before setting it back down on the table.

"It's hot, so be careful."

She nodded.

The broth, I guessed, smelled all right for the most part, but just the thought of tiny pieces of ground up chicken kinda grossed me out. I crinkled my nose.

"H-how is it?" I'd seen her spoon a bit into her mouth.

Eda swallowed and smiled. "It tastes great. Thank you, dear." She stared at me when I sat down. "Aren't you going to have any?"

I hated not to use the dishes she'd already gotten out for me, but I really didn't feel like digging in to chicken juice. I would get something at home.

"I already ate," I lied. "Sorry. I'm glad you like it, though!"

She shook her head. "That's quite all right. If it's not too much trouble, could I keep the soup? I can have a hot lunch tomorrow and add crackers to it."

"Yeah!" I told her excitedly. I was really happy she liked it so much – it was something so simple, yet she seemed to be fawning over it. Maybe it was just a grandmother thing.

I was pretty hungry, and my stomach threatened to growl loudly a few times, but I wouldn't touch it. Come to think of it, why did Raeger make me use meat when he knew I was a vegetarian? He wasn't that careless or mean.

I hoped Eda wasn't a vegetarian. By the looks of it, she wasn't, but maybe she was just being nice, after all.

Still, even if she was, I couldn't imagine her wanting to keep the food, so I guessed it was fine.

She told me a bunch of stories about her family – her son and grandson, her late husband, and even her own parents when she was young. It made me a little nostalgic and homesick, honestly, but I listened intently.

"Do you have any fond memories, Annie?" she asked me suddenly.

I nodded. I guessed I did. "There was this one time we went to see the city fireworks. It was just me and my parents in that spot, too, which was great because we could just talk about anything. Nothing crazy happened, but it sticks out because the fireworks were so pretty and my parents were so happy. It was before they separated."

Eda nodded. "Sometimes the simplest memories are the most precious."

I smiled. Like right now. I was sure that this particular night, us revealing aspects of our lives, would forever be etched into my mind. Heck, even if I someday moved away from the town, everyone here would be engraved. There was just no escaping it.

"Are your parents still with you?"

I slowly shook my head. "I lost them when I was younger."

She frowned. "That's too bad. I'm terribly sorry for your loss."

Nobody ever really sounded insincere when they said that, but Eda definitely sounded the most concerned.

I shook my head. "It was a long time ago." I had people helping me, too, like –

Raeger! Oh, shoot.

I hurried up with the dishes, apologizing all the while. "Raeger's at my house waiting for me." She nodded.

Once I finished, I searched for last-minute things to do but couldn't find any so I just smiled and bowed my head. "I'll drop by again tomorrow. Thanks for having me!"

"Okay, goodnight, Annie," she said sweetly.

"Goodnight!" I called from the doorway. I waved before shutting it and running the whole five minutes between our houses.

When I got home the clock on the wall already read nine-thirty. I felt so extremely bad for keeping Raeger cooped up in here that long – and it really didn't feel like I'd been over at Eda's for such a long time.

"Raeger, I'm really so – "

I heard snoring – actually it interrupted me. I looked around and laughed when I saw him.

Raeger was conked out on the sofa, just snoring away without a care in the world, it looked like. He even took it upon himself to use the throw blanket there.

I wasn't mad at all, just kind of amused, and then I smelled something over in the kitchen.

The first thing I noticed, of course, being a totally starved glutton, was the plate of food. It looked like some sort of pasta, and with another look, I figured it was spaghetti. Well, spaghetti minus the meatballs. There were mushrooms in their place.

And then I noticed the clean kitchen. When I left, it was a huge mess, and now… well, my whole house was spotless. Almost, anyway.

The boxes in the corner were still in place, but it looked like they'd been opened. Was this payback for when I rifled through his things?

I didn't mind, as I had nothing to hide (that could be told with photos, anyway), and besides, it flattered me, in a way, knowing that he was curious about them. He was curious about me.

Then the food… Could I assume he made it for me in anticipation? Was he waiting for me so that we could talk more?

No, that wasn't right. I remembered him saying he had something else lined up for me, something about perfecting the broth. Maybe he'd made the food for himself and just forgot about it.

…That didn't exactly sound like him, either. He seemed absent-minded when we first met, but he definitely wasn't. He was headstrong, reckless, and thoughtful.

And he was also very kind, which probably explained why there was a clean plate on the dishrack. He'd already eaten. This was my share.

I grabbed the plate and took a bite. It was delicious; Raeger really was a talented chef. He knew exactly what spices I did and didn't like, what flavors I was partial to, and how I liked my noodles prepared – mushy, never al dente.

I was no culinary expert, but through his cooking, I swore he cared at least a little bit about me. He seemed to put so much thought into just one dish for me and yet he still couldn't get Lillie's right even though she was his girlfriend…

It couldn't have just been coincidental, right?

The food was a little cold but popping it into the microwave would take away the flavor and wake him up – though how he was sleeping so soundly, I doubted that was even possible.

He wasn't as sprawled out as I'd thought, and my sofa was pretty big, so I sat down next to his legs as I ate. Every bite reminded me of all the times I would watch him cook, regardless of whether or not it was for me. He liked to stretch his arm out all the way when stirring, and when draining with a colander, he shook it first to let more water out.

I nearly choked on my food. Jeez, was I a stalker or what? That… was just borderline creepy.

Raeger sighed in his sleep and rolled over, his face up towards the ceiling. It was weird not being able to see his eyes, but he looked more at peace right now.

I was already borderline creepy, and there was no one around… and I wanted to confirm my feelings again. I finished my pasta quickly and set the plate to the side.

I slowly brought a hand up to his head and touched his hair. I was actually surprised at the lack of stickiness and stiffness; I thought he used a ton of hair gel to manage his hair in those spikes. But now that I knew it was all natural – and very soft – I stifled a laugh.

I liked Raeger.

I really liked him.

I liked the way he always came to my rescue and helped me out, even if I didn't particularly want it at the time. I liked how he scolded me whenever I did something wrong, and the way he butted into my business even though I hated it at the same time.

I just… liked the way he barged his way into my life.

Using my own cheesy words from yesterday, maybe my heart already knew I liked him before my mind became aware, and that was why it was already comforting to be next to him like this.

I sighed and smiled sadly. What was I supposed to do now?

* * *

 _~CGA_


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N:** Sorry for the long wait! At least it's in the same month... I think...

Anyway, a lot of stuff's been going on, a lot of personal stuff, but I'm glad to finally be back on the writing course again~ The climax of the story is approaching now!

I planned out this entire story before even attempting to write it, so I had some good general ideas of what I wanted to do with it, but I gotta say... I've deviated from the plans a lot. Not sure, exactly, which one I'd prefer at this point, but I hope you guys are pleased with the outcome of this so far! Also hopefully, my writing will continue to get better and better as the end of this story approaches (don't worry, I have it planned to go to at least 13 chapter).

Thanks so much to my readers and reviewers! Stay tuned for more!

Oh and PS, it's pretty late at night right now so I haven't really proofread this yet... Sorry if you find any mistakes!

* * *

I felt sick.

I'd been avoiding Raeger for the past week, and so far it'd been good – except for how I felt, of course.

I was still going over to Eda's, and while she didn't outright tell me that my food was bad, I could see it on her face when she ate. Plus, sometimes I ate it, too, and it really was bad. I tried to improve my cooking, but it's hard to improve something when you don't have a teacher.

I knew I couldn't keep running away from everything, but at least as long as Eda needed my help, I'd devote all my attention to her. I definitely wasn't going to let her turn out like my grandmother.

"Do you need some sugar?" I asked her when my tea was finished.

She nodded and smiled. "That would be great, dear. Thank you."

"No problem!" I got up out of my chair and headed over to the counter, where she kept all her spices and such. She had a little teaspoon attached to the jar for convenience. "Did you want one or – "

For some reason, there was a knock on the door. I stopped mid-question and set my stuff down. Eda and I locked eyes – this was weird; I'd been coming over for a little over a week and she never got any visitors, which was honestly pretty sad but that was beside the point.

I went over to the door and peeked through the lookout hole.

I had a feeling it was him, but still, seeing Raeger's face kinda startled me. I cleared my throat.

"Um… I'll be right back," I told her. I didn't wait for a nod or another response.

When I stepped outside and shut the door I threw him a confused glance. "Why are you here?"

He just stood there with the same pose, arms crossed and blank face. "You haven't been coming to the restaurant lately. What's up?"

Well, did he check my house first, at least, or was he stalking me?

Wait. Was he… worried about me? Did he miss me?

I shook my head. No, there was no way. He had Lillie; why the heck would he want someone like me when he had someone as pretty and smart as Lillie?

Then again, why did I want someone like Raeger when I already had Johnny?

The sick feeling rested in my gut.

"I wanted to test out those recipes." I tried to sound nonchalant so that he wouldn't see through my half lie. I did at least glance at his lasagna recipe while I tried making it. Eda didn't seem to hate it, but…

"I thought you needed my help," he said, pretty unconvinced. I should've known better.

Well, I did still need his help – with a lot of things. But I wasn't about to admit that.

I bit my lip. What did I tell him then? "Uh, well – "

"Is something wrong, Annie?" His eyes looked full of concern, and if I didn't like him and didn't blush so much already, I would've cracked up laughing. That look didn't suit him at all.

"N-no, it's nothing, really," I insisted, looking away. He didn't need to be worried just for my sake. I'd be fine.

Raeger sighed. "Y'know, we're pretty close. You can tell me anything, Annie."

My face felt hot for a few moments. "That's…" I nodded slowly. "Okay." I could at least get something out of the way. Better now than never. I inhaled a deep breath.

"Raeger… we both have someone special already, right?"

He looked at me with a confused expression. He definitely didn't say what I thought he would, though. "You haven't dumped your boytoy yet?"

I frowned. "I'm serious."

He shrugged. "So am I."

My cheeks were warm. He really needed to stop saying that, getting my hopes up and everything. I cleared my throat. "Lillie's special to you, isn't she?"

He looked almost taken aback. "Of course." Hearing him say it so effortlessly kind of stung. "Why would you even ask that?"

Then his whole demeanor changed. He patted my head and gave me another one of those heartwarming chuckles. His hand slid down to my forehead, where it stayed for several moments while he put his other hand on his own forehead.

Was he… checking me for a fever? Did I really sound that crazy?

But well, I _was_ crazy.

I was the person who was always bragging about how perfect her relationship was, when in reality it was so far from perfect that she could hardly even call it one in the first place. We only went out when it was convenient for him, we ticked each other off most of the time, and to top it off, it was so dysfunctional that I was being driven away to another guy.

If I wanted to see a perfect relationship so badly, all I had to do was look at Raeger and Lillie. They were so ridiculously in love it was painful to watch – though for more than one reason.

They didn't argue. They teased, not fought. I didn't think there was a time when I caught either of them upset with each other. There was that night I sat with Raeger, waiting for Lillie, and he seemed a little sad, and even before then when she mentioned her promotion and he didn't smile until their eyes met, but still.

They were so obviously meant for each other, and overall good together, that it made me feel… inferior.

And then there it was. The sentence I hadn't even completely thought about or formed before it came out.

"I want to break up with Johnny."

It was like word vomit.

The sick feeling only got worse as I said it, though, and after that, I just couldn't stop.

"He hasn't called me or even answered any of mine in over two weeks. I mean, we've been separated before and sure, it's been fine, but right now it's just confusing and awkward and painful. I don't want to leave him, I really, honestly don't, but what am I supposed to do? Am… am I just supposed to be happy and wait and stay with him? I know it'll eventually get better…"

What was wrong with me? If something's broken, including relationships, you fix it. You don't cry or whine about it to someone else and hope and wait for them to do something – if it's your problem, figure it out yourself.

Why was everything just so difficult now?

Was I… getting weaker? There was definitely something fishy going on ever since I'd moved here. What was it?

And then it hit me.

It was Raeger. He singlehandedly waltzed into my life and changed it, probably without even knowing it. In such a short time, he took this weird shell of a person, someone who honestly couldn't even walk up stairs despite taking underground subways every week, and turned me into an actual human being.

Was that why I liked him? Just because he helped me so much? If that was the case, then it would probably die down soon and I could move on with my life.

I was always comparing my happiness to his and to a lesser extent, Lillie's. Until he was out of the picture I wouldn't stop, but I wasn't going to leave the countryside and return to being even more miserable.

With Johnny.

I don't know when Raeger started hugging me, but I wrapped my arms around him and relaxed my head and neck on his shoulder. He was just so incredibly warm and soft and reliable and comforting, I didn't ever want to let go.

And honestly, I never felt anything like this with Johnny. This was the first time I'd felt like this since I was twelve years old.

I squeezed him harder. Who knows how long we were like that, but it wasn't long enough. I didn't cry again, but I knew that he wouldn't have minded if I did.

There was definitely no way I could keep seeing Johnny. Not with a clean conscience.

"You can't be happy like this."

His voice startled me, but when he pulled back to look at me, I was reminded of what all I'd said. I nodded slowly.

"I-I think I'm gonna call him again." Right after I said it I remembered all my other failed attempts. "On second thought, I should prob – "

"Go see him."

It didn't sound like a command – he was just finishing my half-baked sentence – but there was a certain stern tone to it.

I gulped. Would it be okay to just show up unannounced? What if he was busy, or at work? What if he didn't want to see me?

And what if he was thinking the same things I was, and he wanted to end things, too?

That would really be beneficial for me in the long run, but I didn't exactly want to think about life without Johnny.

Then again, I didn't want to think about feeling this way forever. "Stupid Raeger."

I didn't mean to say it out loud, and as soon as I did, I covered my mouth. Jeez, way to bite the hand that fed me.

Raeger just raised his eyebrow, though, and chuckled a little. "Why am I stupid?"

I shook my head. "I didn't mean that. It's just… I mean…"

"It's okay, Annie," he said, laughing again. "I can tell there's a lot on your mind. Just come by the restaurant sometime and we can talk."

I felt pressure on my head as he ruffled my hair, and I glared at him when he was done. When I saw how happy he looked, though, I had to swallow a huge lump in my throat. Was he going all this on purpose because he knew how embarrassed I got around him?

And when he said "we can talk," did he mean the three of us – him, me, and Lillie – or just us two? I liked Lillie a lot, honestly, but so far we'd only shared good times, other than when Raeger and I had our spat, also caused by Johnny. I didn't really feel like dumping all my problems on her, especially when she had her meteorologist job to worry about.

…Of course, to be fair, I should've left Raeger alone, too, but he was already so deep into it that it made no sense to exclude him now. Oh, well.

I swallowed my thoughts and nodded. "Thanks, Raeger. For everything."

He seemed to not know what to do with my sincere gratitude, so he ended up smiling awkwardly.

First impressions and introductions weren't much to go by, but I could definitely see that nervous, awkward side to him that he mentioned when we first met. I didn't mind, though. For one, it made him more approachable.

And for two, it was just one of his stupid little quirks that I'd learned to grow attached and attracted to.

…

I was planning on heading over to the restaurant after dinner so that he wouldn't be busy, and plus I still had to make some food for Eda. I wanted to make stew, just because it was a chilly night, but I remembered she didn't care much for it. That made things a little harder – I was running out of ingredients, and I certainly didn't want to use her stock of things. It was bad enough I only made her dinner, which meant she had to fend for herself during breakfast and lunch.

I managed to whip something up, anyway. To this day, it remains unnamed, the dish consisting of noodles, cheese, broccoli, and spinach. If I was Italian I might've had a fancy word for it, but I wasn't, so it was just classified as "stuff."

Six o'clock rolled around as I finished the preparations, and then I was over at Eda's.

We ate in comfortable silence for the most part, until she seemed to pick up on my horrible poker face, anyway.

"Is something the matter, Annie?" she asked. "You've seemed a little down lately."

I just smiled and shook my head, laughing it off. "No, it's nothing really important." I didn't want to lie and say there wasn't anything bothering me, but at the same time I wasn't going to worry her with my garbage.

"Oh? You don't have to hold back," she insisted. "I've had a problem or two in my day, and talking to someone will help."

I nodded. I loved Eda. She was so kind and sweet and wise. I really treasured my moments with her like this.

"It's… just a lovers' spat," I decided to say. Maybe even just being vague like this would help, at least tide me over till I met up with Raeger.

Because honestly, when you're thinking about breaking up with pretty much your other half, the thought of it tends to consume you.

Eda smiled sympathetically. "And you're dating that nice, young fellow… oh, Raeger, was it? The chef?"

My eyes widened and my heart slammed into my ribcage. "N-no. My boyfriend's out of town. His name's Johnny."

"Oh!" She grinned like she didn't understand the gravity of what she just said. "I could've sworn you two were together – fooled me, at least, with his appearance earlier."

 _You two…_ Me and Raeger? I didn't ever really give it much thought… me and him together. It wasn't that I didn't want it, I mean eventually – just not right now, because right now I needed to worry about my actual boyfriend.

I was past the point of denying it again, but maybe my Raeger crush still would go away soon. I didn't hate feeling this way, but it was just really inconvenient.

He always teased and insulted me, and sometimes I didn't understand why Lillie was with him… but then other times he made my heart race and my head rush. But was that just because I wasn't used to that kind of attention from a guy? Johnny didn't treat me that way. I was super lucky to get the sweet talk over the phone, and especially that kiss.

Johnny treated me like "one of the guys," sure, and I liked that, but for some reason, everything was different with Raeger. Everything was… amplified.

Was it obvious that I liked him, then, if even Eda thought we were dating? Was that what it looked like to the people around us, and that was why Johnny got jealous that time?

Did it look like that to Lillie? To Raeger…?

I shook my head. I was getting way too ahead of myself. Eda just remembered him outside a few hours ago and assumed whatever. He _did_ look pretty angry, so it was understandable that she guessed what she did.

Besides, I don't think I ever mentioned Johnny to her.

"N-no," I told her after my thoughts calmed down. "There's nothing between me and Raeger."

And there wasn't, and there probably wasn't ever going to be.

…

"So… you add… paprika?" I probably didn't even own any paprika, and I knew I'd never tasted it, either.

Raeger laughed from his stool in front of me. This was one of those rare occasions I was allowed in his kitchen, let alone to use his cookware.

Lillie was still at work, and it pained me to admit that I was happy, but she was supposed to show up later so that was probably why Raeger was in such a good mood.

Well, at least that was what I thought – I hoped he wasn't just happily feeling superior because I was crap at cooking.

"Yep," he said. "It adds flavor and texture, and it helps make dishes look authentic."

I nodded, still eyeing the tiny can warily. It did make sense, because every time you go out to any non-fast food restaurant, there's always those little garnishes and sages on your plate.

I shrugged and flipped open the lid. Raeger had no reason to lie to me – well, okay, at least not when he knew what he was teaching me to cook was benefitting an uninvolved, innocent person.

"How much do I put in?" I asked. I was just making devilled eggs, so if I added too much it'd stick to all the egg yolk and never come out.

I heard him get up out of his stool. "About three tablespoons for this amount. Sorry, I didn't show you where those are." He stepped around the edge of the counter before I could tell him I'd find it, and then he dug around in one of the drawers. He pulled out a strung together measuring spoon set and stared at it intensely, like it was the devil spawn or something. I stifled a laugh.

"What's the matter with it?"

He looked at it for another moment or two, then scratched his head. "This… they don't have the quantities."

"What?"

"The marks are all rubbed off."

I blinked. What did that matter? "Aren't you a chef?"

He made some sort of sheepish face and shrugged. "I normally just guess and taste test."

Oh, I see. He didn't think I could do the same.

So why the heck did he bring them out in the first place? To make himself feel better than me again or something?

I shook my head. "You're so weird, Raeger." I laughed when he made a pouty face, and then he attacked my hair. "Hey!"

He ignored my whines and protests until we heard a clack on the floor. It was those stupid measuring spoons, probably fallen during his antics. We didn't need them – or at least couldn't use them – but I wouldn't let them just sit on the floor like that. I doubted he would, either, with that clean freak side, but still, I would wash it.

I quickly knelt down to pick it up, but I guess we must've had the same idea because he did the same. We banged heads and both made unsatisfactory noises of pain. I rubbed at my horsehead, where it hurt the most, and I imagined he was doing it, too.

"Ugh… are you o – ow!"

Our heads collided again and this time I made sure to scoot back a little. We were both obviously pretty dumb at this point so who knew how many more times that would happen.

"Jeez," I heard him say. I looked up, no longer in danger of head trauma. "You okay, Annie?"

I managed to nod, but it hurt pretty badly. I must've made it obvious because for the second time that day, Raeger pressed his warm hand to my forehead. I winced.

"Does this hurt?"

Of course, I wasn't able to enjoy his warmth because the pain overpowered it.

"Ow! Yes, that hurts, you moron!" I slapped his hand away and put mine back, rubbing tenderly at the part he abused.

"S-sorry," he said pretty lamely. What a dork. He cleared his throat. "You need me to get you anything?"

I scoffed. "I'm fine. It's just a little headache." He didn't seem convinced, though. "If you really wanna help, start wearing a padded helmet," I joked, though I admit it didn't make much sense – shouldn't I have been the one to wear it?

He still laughed lightly at my idiocy, and then I realized that we, a couple of twenty-somethings, were sitting cross-legged on the floor. It wasn't too dirty or anything, so I didn't really mind, but it was just a little funny. I wondered how silly we looked.

"Here, lemme get that sp – "

Unfortunately, I never got to see Raeger's floor pose from above because the door burst open. It was right around closing time so I didn't think it was a customer… and we were only expecting one other person to show up, anyway…

So that meant it was Lillie? She wasn't supposed to be back until later. Did she know I was here? Did she know that I'd _been_ coming here? What about the stove? It was still on.

I didn't really have anything to be nervous about – I doubted she would get mad or care too much anyway – but maybe I was just on edge because I felt guilty. So, so guilty.

Raeger and I shared a sober expression before he used to top of my head to boost himself up, keeping his hand there. Did he… not want me to come up with him? Would it really matter that much?

I stayed rooted to the floor, my bare ankles starting to stick from the sweat that accumulated while they talked. Suddenly, it felt like I really just wasn't supposed to be here at all.

"Work was sooo tiring," Lillie said, sighing. I heard the stool slide back and squeak, so she probably sat down.

Raeger just laughed. There was a hint of nervousness in it, and I hoped Lillie didn't hear that. "Well, just relax for a while, then. I've got some devilled eggs just finishing up now, if you're interested."

He was claiming my food as his own?! That je –

Well, okay, if he was doing something that risky, he was obviously pretty desperate, then, right?

In any case, there was a short pause, like she looked over to where the food was. She groaned. "You know I hate it when you heat the yolk up."

"Sorry. It tastes better that way," he told her simply. He was covering for me. Why? Even though I didn't really want her to know I was here, either, what was so bad about it? Why didn't _he_ want her to know I was here?

"Only if you have terrible taste buds."

"Yeah, yeah, or no taste buds," he agreed, sarcasm lacing his voice. I had to stifle a laugh. They were funny together.

"Hang on," he said suddenly. "I dropped my measuring spoons when you came in."

He crouched down to my level and looked me in the eyes. "Sorry," he mouthed, and took the spoons from my hand. He scooted past me a little to open up a cabinet door. I glanced at it briefly, then at him, confused. What?

"Get in," he whispered lowly. I stared at him like he was crazy; there were all sorts of cleaning bottles and whatnot. For one, I wouldn't be able to fit, and for two, it'd be dark in there.

"Please," he begged in his whisper tone. He pulled the door open wider, his arm brushing against mine in the process, and gave me these puppy dog eyes I'd never seen from him before.

I covered my mouth with my hand so I didn't crack up, and I nodded. How bad could it be?

Besides, it kinda felt like we were… sneaking around, almost. It gave me just a faint trace of satisfaction, knowing that we were partners in crime right now and nobody knew but us. It was something that only the two of us were included in. My heart swelled despite the totally unromantic situation I was in.

I tried to fit my legs in first but all that did was kick those cleaning supplies around so I took them back out immediately, glancing over to Raeger for advice. He stuck up his index finger, telling me to give him a second.

"Ugh," he said, getting up. "Stupid things were hiding."

"What was that noise?" Lillie asked, probably about me kicking the bottles. Oops.

He laughed. "I banged my knee on the cabinet."

"Are you okay?"

"Yup. I'm gonna rinse these off, though, so hold on – this sink's pretty loud."

And that was my cue, I guessed. The sink, indeed, was loud, and since the cabinet he directed me to was where the pipes were, that'd probably mask all the noise.

If I wasn't in such a rush, I would commend him for his academy award acting skills. Very believable.

I could tell he was just stalling, so I worked quickly, pushing all those stupid bottles to the other side. Then I climbed in, thankful I didn't hit my head – it still kind of hurt from its previous encounter with Raeger's.

After I shut the door and squished myself up, I realized it really was dark. I wasn't _afraid_ of the dark, per se, but I definitely preferred well-lit areas. I gulped. At least it wouldn't be for too long, and my eyes would adjust soon. I hoped.

Raeger shut the sink off, and then I just heard footsteps. Their voices were kind of muffled from inside here, but I could understand most of everything.

"You're acting a little weird, Raeger," Lillie's voice rang. "Do you have a fever or something?" Well, she didn't miss anything, did she?

But the thought of her resting her hand on his forehead like he did for me earlier plagued my mind, and my insides burned with jealousy.

"No, I'm fine. I'm just a little tired."

"Long day, right? Me, too," she said, and then they stayed quiet for a few.

Maybe Raeger went to go check on the food, because I heard more footsteps, but I was pretty sure Lillie stayed where she was.

"There, it's all done," he said. I couldn't see how much paprika he added. Why did I have to stay in here, anyway? Was he afraid I'd jump up and give myself away or something? Did he think Lillie would come in the kitchen?

Of course she would. She was his girlfriend, and she was allowed to.

Well, regardless, my body was getting all stiff, and I didn't feel right just listening to their whole conversation. But I couldn't just tune it out.

"Thanks," Lillie said half-heartedly – at least, it sounded like it. Maybe it was because the yolk on top was warm. Sorry, Lillie, that was what Raeger told me to do. I don't think either of us knew she would be coming early tonight.

"Y'know, you could put away your phone every once in a while. I have enough trouble talking to you as it is."

My breath hitched. Raeger sounded… mad.

I heard something clatter on the counter – the cellphone?

"There." She sounded annoyed. "Sorry for checking up on my job."

He sighed. "You're always there, anyway. Don't you get tired of it?"

"Why do you think I took the job promotion, Raeger? I love what I do."

"Yeah, you love that job more than me."

Ouch.

I was starting to feel way too uncomfortable now. This wasn't my business at all.

And honestly, I liked thinking that their relationship was perfectly so I'd feel bad about even thinking of coming between them. But… it also got me thinking.

Was this what Johnny and I sounded like? We just argue for no reason?

I didn't really have trouble believing that our relationship was pretty crummy now, but what about theirs? Was it just as bad?

I idolized the two of them, their relationship. Suddenly it didn't seem at all as perfect as I'd thought it was, and honestly, if theirs was bad… what hope did I have for my and Johnny's?

My head was spinning. I didn't want to think about that. I had to stay with Johnny, and Raeger absolutely had to stay with Lillie.

That was right. Every couple fought, that was nothing new. Everything would be fine.

I clamped my hands over my ears. Everything would be fine.

…

I reverted back to my avoiding Raeger state, which went on for another few days, but I did start acquainting myself with other townspeople. Iris in particular seemed to take a liking to me.

Even though I'd been keeping her vegetable-color voodoo thing in the back of my mind, I couldn't help but think she was… well, weird.

She apologized for her abruptness and crazy theories, though, and finally admitted that she was only using me for her novel. I was the perfect subject to test for reactions, apparently.

She told me her book was about a naïve, dense girl and a thick-headed guy who didn't know they were in love with each other. The two would go from relationship to relationship, unhappily, never understanding why they couldn't be successful in love. They finally ended up confessing their feelings, but only after a tragedy.

Iris didn't explain the tragedy part – she said I'd have to read the book to find out – but other than that… it kinda sounded like me and Raeger.

Except we weren't in love with each other, and we were both happy in our currently relationships. Well, sort of.

I sighed and rolled over on my bed. Was I even remotely happy? Johnny hadn't called me in probably a month now, or maybe even more. I wasn't keeping track of the date anymore – I only knew it was winter because it was cold and snowy. If anyone had a birthday in winter, they wouldn't be too happy with me.

Happy… Was Raeger happy?

After the night I hid out under his sink, listening to them bicker, I honestly didn't think so.

It made my heart ache thinking about it. I liked Lillie a lot. She was pretty, smart, nice, and funny, and the few times we talked and hung out alone, I really got to know and respect her.

But I also desperately wanted Raeger to be happy. And he didn't even have to be happy with _me,_ but if she wasn't doing what she was supposed to, then…

What was I supposed to do?

I didn't love Raeger, I knew that much. I just liked him. But regardless, if you have romantic feelings for someone, you want them to be happy, right? You're not supposed to want them to break up with their significant other just because of a petty fight.

And it wasn't that Lillie was bad for him, but…

I was better.

I jolted up in the bed. I was better. _I_ was better for Raeger than _Lillie._

Sure, I wouldn't be able to talk about life here three years ago, or empathize about cooking, or even be on the same wavelength at times. But I could guarantee that I would never make him twist his face into sadness like he did when he talked about Lillie and her new job and waiting for her. I wouldn't ever make him lie and fake happiness if I did something he didn't agree with. I wouldn't make him argue with me and get upset.

There were so many things I'd picked up that I made notes not to do, but the biggest one was that I'd be sure I didn't drive him away, like what I thought Lillie was inadvertently doing right now.

I loved Lillie, I really, really did, and I wanted my two friends' relationship to work out, but I wanted something else even more.

I wanted Raeger to feel for me what I felt for him.

If we had mutual feelings… I grinned. Everything would be great.

We'd sit and talk in the restaurant for hours upon end, just talking about stupid, mundane stuff, and then maybe _I'd_ be the one staying over at his house.

We might have problems every now and then, but it'd be nothing in comparison to my and Jo –

Oh.

My face fell. I was still with Johnny. I'd just gotten so wrapped up in my excitement that I forgot.

…Could I really forget Johnny? Could I just bury all our memories together?

I felt sick and weak and numb all at the same time. Every time I swallowed, the lump in my throat grew bigger.

I wasn't going to cheat. I couldn't; I wouldn't, not to mention Raeger wouldn't ever take me if I still technically belonged to Johnny.

I scoffed at myself. How can someone belong to another person? What a snooty, uppity way of thinking.

I didn't belong to anybody, and I certainly didn't have any obligations to anyone, even Johnny.

I was just me. I was Annie. I was a naïve city girl who'd just moved into the countryside. I almost always suspected the worst of people, and sometimes I was hypocritical and acted on impulse.

But… that was just who I was, and I wouldn't have had it any other way.

After all, how was I going to make Raeger like me if _I_ didn't like me?

I had to come up with a plan to get Raeger and Lillie apart without hurting either of them. Maybe I could –

Ring, ring.

That was the phone. But who could it be? Nobody ever really called me.

I got myself out of bed and over to the phone. I picked it up.

"Hello?"

There wasn't a response for a few seconds, and even then I just heard a sigh.

My breath caught in my throat. Even though there was no voice, I recognized it.

I exhaled slowly, and suddenly I found myself regretting all my earlier happier thoughts.

"Johnny."

* * *

 _~CGA_


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N:** Phew, it's been a while... _again._ I dunno what keeps keeping me away from this site, but I don't like it! I got a few days off of work, though, so I managed to type this up (it's been sitting in my notebook for a while, sadly). Ch 8's slowly in the progress, too. It's way easier to write because it's the climax, though.

Hm... as for other notes or whatever, I don't think I really have anything else to say. Oh, well, I guess I can say sorry for my lazy proofreading skills, or just lack thereof. I reread a couple chapters over the weekend (don't even remember which weekend, lol) and was kinda surprised at how many errors there are. Meh. At least they're nothing too crucial, but I'll definitely skim through and fix some soon.

Thanks for putting up with me! Here's chapter seven of WTSHW! (Eh, sorry for some swears when this story's literally had like one. Oh well though, that's why it's rated T!)

Reviews are awesoooome, and thanks to my favorites and followers!

* * *

I told him not to forget me, but to push me aside.

I told him not to forget when we were young, all the times I'd push him into the mud puddles and laugh at him when he cried.

I didn't want him to forget when we were ten years old and he kissed me under the crochety old pecan tree at my uncle's farm.

And I reminded him about the dark times before my twelfth birthday, how he held and comforted me and kept me at least somewhat happy.

There were so many times I relied on him and had to in order to keep my sanity, and I felt nauseous knowing that we wouldn't be together anymore – and that I was the one putting an end to it.

But unfortunately… in order to keep my sanity this time around, I had to.

I wanted to at least try to start over for real now. No ties to the city, to anyone or anything outside the town's gates. It was a fresh, new beginning. Johnny was just a hindrance.

It would just be me, myself, and I, and maybe Raeger if I got gutsy and lucky.

Until then… well, I'd just have to play it by my own selfish ear.

…

It'd only been a few hours since I talked to Johnny, but I felt… fine.

I had my fifteen minute cry after the call, and then I went through the house and boxed up all of our old pictures, which took me about an hour. It felt empty in my house, but I wasn't sad.

I did still feel like one of those stereotypical girls who want to change their whole image after a heartbreak, though.

That wasn't to say I was going to cut my hair or anything dumb like that, but I was itching for something out of the ordinary.

…So after mulling it over for a bit, I decided to get a horse. Next on my agenda was originally a chicken, but the ones up for sale looked kinda funny, and the big guy just spoke to me.

Chestnut. That was his name. He was a beautiful dark brown with eyes that were almost black. I actually bought him from Elise after my disappointment at the trade depot, and to my surprise she really wasn't as prissy or high and mighty as I'd imagined. It'd be pretty cool if we started getting along.

But what did I do now? My animals were all brushed and fed and had their grazing time. I was honestly a little bored.

Did I… could I go see Raeger? He would cheer me up, no doubt.

I didn't know what day it was, so if it was actually Wednesday and he had the day off, it'd be news to me. I didn't feel like checking the calendar, though, because I knew I'd be disappointed at how little into winter we were.

It was such a horrible season, winter. It was snowy and slippery everywhere and you always had to watch where you stepped. Even in the city there would be piles of snow that you could easily trip over and then pound your head into some hard concrete sidewalk – and it doesn't feel good, contrary to what you might think.

And it was cold. So, so, so cold. The first winter I spent without my parents was chillier than normal, and I couldn't even snuggle up to them. The wind whipped around in the blizzard outside while I struggled to keep warm with my only blanket at the orphanage.

Winter was just a season of loss. It was unforgiving, and I would never forgive it, either.

…But those thoughts didn't really matter anymore. I had no ties to life outside Oak Tree, so if I kept thinking about my past, it'd just bring me down and I'd end up sad and alone like I was when I first moved in here.

I guessed I could go visit Eda since she was just a few hundred yards away, and I knew she wouldn't scold or pester me for my decision.

But for some reason, my female mind really wanted to let Raeger know as soon as possible just how available I'd suddenly become.

Eda would help, though. I just knew it. Maybe it was because not too long ago I mentioned a hypothetical situation (that wasn't so hypothetical) where I liked another guy. What she said kinda caught me off guard, and that was where all my newfound confidence came from, probably.

"The heart is selfish, but you must follow it."

And… that was what I intended to do, more or less. They say girls are more beautiful after breakups, right? So all I needed to do was show Raeger that.

I didn't need fancy dresses or anything, just… sex appeal? How the heck did I even go about that?

As much as I wanted to finally go on a mall trip with Lillie, there were a bunch of things wrong with doing that, the least of them being my crush on Raeger. But I definitely did need some new clothes if I wanted any chance of success here.

But on the other hand, Johnny worked at my favorite place to shop in the city… If only there were some clothing stores in town. Could I make my own?

Well, regardless, all I wanted to do right now was see Raeger and have a nice, long chat. I just needed to talk to someone, particularly someone who wouldn't judge or scold me for my decision – because he actually had been encouraging me to end it for a while anyway.

I changed into some real clothes and started on my way.

As I walked, I realized it was kind of amazing, in a way, how easily I was already forgetting about Johnny. It was funny but also unnerving: if eighteen years of friendship and affection could be pushed away so quickly and effortlessly… who was to say the same thing couldn't happen if Raeger and I ever got together? What if another guy just happened to swoop in and steal my heart?

I sighed.

Just a few months ago, I was existing back in the city, with Johnny as my only rock. But now – now I was _living_ , and even though Raeger was pretty much my only support (sorry, Hanako), he already felt more reliable.

Could I count on him forever, though? If he stole me from Johnny, could someone else take me from him just as easily?

At some point, I just told myself to calm down, shut up, and stop thinking so much. It'd already gotten me into trouble on several occasions.

It took about ten minutes after my mind went blank to reach the restaurant. I hesitated before opening the door. I couldn't hear anything on the other side, but that didn't mean there wasn't anyone else in there.

Besides, I was remembering the first time we really met, when I knocked and he basically told me to go away.

He was awkward and clumsy and talked too much, and I couldn't believe he had a girlfriend. I wondered how anyone could even like him outside of his looks because he was just so weird.

But here I was, freshly single and lonely, just about ready to confess my undying love for him, when I really couldn't stand him at first. We'd definitely come a long way since then.

I liked his voice, how soft it was when he gave me advice and how loud and clear it was when he was mad. It was mid-range in pitch for a guy, but when he was serious it got much deeper. Then when he laughed or made fun of me, his voice fluctuated, like he had no control over it.

I liked his posture when he stood tall and lean, like he was proving his worth, that he could protect those he cared about now that he was older. His back looked strong and muscular, but not so much that he was some sort of freakish bodybuilder or anything.

His hair was soft and messy and fun to play with, his eyes were beautiful and spoke volumes on their own, and… just his whole demeanor, everything about him – I couldn't find anything I disliked.

Oh, wait, there was one thing. Well, two.

He didn't belong to me. And there was absolutely no way he returned my feelings.

Yet I still wanted to try taking him from Lillie. He wasn't happy with her – or at least probably not as happy as he could be, with me.

I was seriously starting to creep myself out, though, being all stalker-ish and whatnot. So with those thoughts pushed back, I took in a deep breath and opened the door.

Raeger wasn't the only person inside, though I don't know if I was thankful for that or not.

I guess my face must have told him enough when he saw me because his immediately dropped into a frown and he made that pitiful expression with his eyes.

"Annie…"

Well, shoot. I really wanted to tell him without him suspecting it. And did I really look that depressed? I thought I was okay.

I tried my best to smile and shook my head. "It's… I'm fine, really."

He wasn't buying it.

I sighed. I made my way in and sat at the counter, watching him watch me from across it. There weren't too many other people inside, just a couple girls and one man seated alone at the other counter alongside the wall.

"I knew we couldn't go back to how we were before, and we definitely couldn't pretend to, and… I don't even really feel guilty."

I fiddled with my fingers on the countertop. "Does that make me selfish?"

I already knew the answer to it, but still, it felt like an hour passed before Raeger talked.

"Of course it does."

I didn't want it so bluntly, though!

I reached across to smack his arm. "Quit!" I bit my lip and turned my head. "I'm serious."

"I know. So am I."

I narrowed my eyes. Really? He was going to make fun of me at a time like this?

"Honestly," he started, "I'm surprised you made the call. I thought he did."

I was about to send him a nasty reply but he kept going.

"Sometimes… you just have to ignore your head and go with your heart." He took a while to phrase his next words, though. "The heart wants what it wants, and even if it's selfish, there's nothing you can do about it."

I cracked a smile at that. He took so long and sounded so awkward while trying to help me, and it wasn't even like I was upset. If he kept this up, I'd end up getting the impression that he liked me back – after all, it kinda sounded like he was telling himself that.

"Thanks, Raeger." I grinned up at him, giddy from my thoughts.

He nodded, though he left for a few seconds to refill the lone man's drink. Did he just get dumped, too? Well, anyway, Raeger came back, but then he busied himself with dishes. I didn't know whether to try and start up another subject or just leave, so I sat there for a few minutes in my own awkward silence.

"So… why'd you do it, anyway?"

"Wh-what?" He was only now asking this? I cleared my throat. "Do I need a reason?"

He chuckled. "Usually, two people break up for a reason, yeah. Especially in a relationship of that length."

I scoffed. Hardly. Breakups happened all the time without reasons – just look at my parents. _Especially_ in a relationship of that length.

"Was it what I said?"

Jeez, Raeger, please stop guessing why we broke up. I shook my head. "Not entirely. A lot of it was my own choice, I promise."

"Really?" he asked skeptically. "You're pretty naïve and gullible, and you tend to just go along with whatever someone tells you, so I wouldn't be surprised if you went on a whim and – "

"That's not it, okay?"

He was right, though. He was so right. Sometimes I couldn't think for myself, yeah, and sometimes I got led astray by the things people said to me, but this time… well, this time was at least a little different. I'd have liked to think so, anyway.

"Really," I said. "I broke up with Johnny because… because I saw how happy you and Lillie are together, and I knew that we weren't like that, and that we would never be, so… y'know." I shrugged.

In a little bout of hope, I figured if I brought up Lillie as nonchalantly as possible, then maybe I'd get some insight into their relationship. Plus, it really was one of the reasons why I ended it.

He just smiled, though. "Yeah."

My resolve pretty much shattered.

There wasn't any trace of sadness or guilt or anything but happiness in that smile.

He still liked Lillie.

No, he still _loved_ Lillie.

…Could I still do this? Would I really be able to successfully steal someone from a happy relationship? And without feeling guilty at all?

I kept telling myself it was for Raeger's happiness as well, but… wasn't it just for mine?

I gulped the lump in my throat down. "H-how long have you two been together?"

My question seemed to catch him off guard. He flinched a little. "Um… two and… a half years?"

It sounded like he was asking me when I had no idea; Lillie just mentioned they'd been with each other a long time. Eighteen years was a long time. And if a lengthy relationship like that could end, then surely there was still hope – well, hope for me, probably not them. I bit my lip.

"So why'd you really do it?"

My eyes widened as I stared at him. How did he do that? How could he so easily tell that I was lying, and see what I was feeling? Was he some sort of telepath? Well… it'd be better if he wasn't, so he woudn't know about my feelings towards him. But then again, wouldn't that be nice?

In any case, I really had to answer honestly this time, otherwise he'd just see through me again and the questions would never end. I took a deep breath.

"There's someone else I like."

He'd been facing away from me, cooking or something, but he almost instantly turned around, nearly dropping the freshly prepared plates of food. I had to stifle my laugh, both because he'd get mad and I'd lose my grasp on the situation and current mood.

Did it really surprise him that much?

"Just… just hold that thought for a few, all right?"

I nodded and he wasted no time bringing the hot plates to the two girls at the other end of the restaurant. I'd seen both of them in here before several times. I wondered if they had something for Raeger – after all, it was pretty obvious they didn't live in town, and it looked like they'd been here a while, judging by all the glasses around them. How nice it would be to go out drinking with a girlfriend once a week. I never really had that luxury.

I narrowed my eyes at them as they smiled and giggled obnoxiously the closer Raeger got. They were very obviously drunk, and totally wasted at that.

If I were dating Raeger, no way would that fly with me. Just how did Lillie deal with knowing that so many girls wanted to be with Raeger all the time? Did she just ignore it? I couldn't.

It was kinda funny, considering I wasn't ever like this with Johnny, but I was oddly… possessive when it came to Raeger. And he wasn't even mine.

But was I supposed to be like this? Jealous _and_ selfish? Was this how relationships worked? I mean, heck, I was in the midst of my attempt to split up a long-term relationship just for my own happiness.

Well, no, not really. I still could say it was for Raeger's happiness, too. Since he wasn't as happy as he could be, it was pretty much up to me, right?

I really had to stop second-guessing myself all the time. If I wanted an actual restart of my life, then I couldn't keep bringing up issues of the past anymore, especially Johnny.

I was aiming for Raeger now. And without missing a beat after delivering those nasty girls' food, he came back to me. I smiled, swallowing my thoughts.

Completely unexpectedly, though, he actually sat right next to me at the counter instead of standing behind it like usual.

I didn't mind, per se, but… it would sure impede my speech.

"Sorry," he whispered. "I don't want those girls coming over here and trying to hit on me while I'm talking to you."

My face felt very hot. He was really being very considerate, wasn't he? Keeping two drunk girls at bay just for my sake… Now I really didn't mind him sitting next to me. I fidgeted in my seat like a schoolgirl with a secret, though.

"So tell me about him."

"Ah! Wh-what?" That caught me way off guard, having him so close to my ear.

Raeger chuckled. "This guy you like. He has to be pretty special if he made you break it off with your boytoy."

I should've been upset at the way he referred to Johnny, but he wasn't mine anymore, so I couldn't really get mad at it. Besides, I was too hung up on how fervently he was asking me so many questions. Was he… jealous? I grinned inwardly, though I was feeling much more nervous now.

"Is he from town or in the city? Have you known him long? What's he like? Do you have a picture of him?"

I laughed out loud after he was finally done pestering me, covering my mouth. I was just glad those girls didn't look over here.

"What?" he asked angrily, though it was still in that jealous tone.

I shook my head and smiled. "Nothing. It's just… the way you're asking all these questions, you sound like a mom trying to find out who her daughter li – "

"H-hey! I am _very_ much a man!" he countered loudly. "I doubt I have to prove it to you, but… jeez."

My eyes widened and I felt my face heat up. I turned my head. "Way to make it awkward, Raeger."

"S-sorry," he said, defeated.

He definitely didn't have to prove he was a man to me. I was already way too aware of that fact – and _in_ fact, this was probably one of the perfect opportunities to make him aware of me, too.

Raeger may have been the same person on the surface, but I could tell that there was something going on. Could I take that as a chance? Was there some hope for me already…? The mood was kinda good, despite all the people around. They were all too drunk to notice, though, it seemed, and it wasn't like Lillie would be coming back any time soon…

I cleared my throat nervously, fiddling with my fingers. "Do you really wanna know? …Erm, what the guy I like is like, I mean."

He turned back towards me and nodded. He looked a little eager, but I wasn't sure if that made me more comfortable or nervous.

I took in several deep breaths and let them out just as quickly. Well, here went nothing.

"He lives here in town, actually right above where he works. We're pretty good friends, I'd like to believe, anyway. We don't see each other every day, but it's enough to at least keep me satisfied – I mean, I'd much rather be with him all the time, of course, but sometimes that can't happen and it's fine."

His face looked pretty blank for the most part, which meant he didn't really understand my subtlety. I was talking too much, anyway, so that probably didn't help, either. I sighed inwardly. While I did want him to be aware of how I felt, I didn't feel like I really had the guts or lack of conscience to tell him outright. So I continued.

"He's a good cook and an even better listener. We've only had one real fight, and even then it was just an argument over something stupid. I don't think he knows how I feel because he's really dense and awkward, but I can't just come out and tell him, either. We're friends, and if he finds out I like him… things will just be uncomfortable."

He didn't seem to get it quite yet, only further proving my point, and honestly, I was starting to get a little annoyed.

When you're a girl, everything has to be done sneakily. Fighting, gossiping, talking, all that. If you don't carefully think through what you're doing and saying at all times, it's going to come back and bite you.

Unfortunately, I wasn't very much of a girl, so I'd experienced the bite several times already, but now I thought it was safe to say I'd learned my lesson. That wasn't to say I clearly thought things through despite my overthinking at times, but I was ready to try.

If I wanted Raeger to like me, I had to make him aware of me, and especially of my feelings. Just not quite so sneakily. Like I said, he was pretty dense. I inhaled a shaky breath. This was the last push.

"I'm just afraid of what it'd do to our friendship." Kind of a lie, but Lillie was included in it, too, so not entirely. "And besides… he's already got a girlfriend."

I closed my eyes and gulped. I said those last few words so quickly and quietly that I wasn't sure if he even heard me, but there was no way I was repeating them.

I opened one eye to sneak a peek. The gears in his head finally started moving, I could tell. It probably didn't take very long for it all to click after that.

And then he turned bright red.

I averted my gaze in embarrassment. I actually didn't mean to confess so bluntly (and I didn't think it was so blunt), but once I started talking and Raeger got all friends… jeez, I was in pretty deep.

"Is… is that so?" he asked after a while. He cleared his throat, sounding pretty awkward. "Well, you know, Annie, I… this guy, I mean, you already said it yourself, you two are pretty close, so you must know him pretty well, right? And you know, he'd be absolutely crazy not to like you, I mean – "

"Can you say that again?"

He blinked in confusion. "Y-you must know him we – "

"No, the other thing."

"…He'd be crazy not to like you?"

I tried so hard to hide my smirk. Finally! "And why's that?"

I had him right where I wanted him: flustered, confused, and stuck. After so much time passed with just me being embarrassed and nervous, he was finally feeling it too now!

Ha! Just try and get out of this one, Rae –

"Excuse me!"

I nearly jumped out of my seat. I'd already forgotten those other girls were here, too caught up in my sneak attack and happiness. Did they just hear all of that…? I mean, it didn't really matter because they were plastered, anyway, but still.

Raeger pretty much instantly transformed into his professional self. His face lost its red hue and his smile was sincere. "Yes?"

I didn't turn around when Raeger did. I wasn't going to give those impolite customers the upper hand and acknowledge them. They knew exactly what they were doing.

"Sorry to bother you, but… my friend here, you see, she couldn't help but notice you from across the restaurant. She thinks you're really hot and – "

"Amy!" what I assumed to be the other girl's shrill voice chided. They were annoying – they totally read the atmosphere around me and Raeger and were now trying to invade it. Those… those… _bitches_!

Raeger just chuckled though, unable to every say anything mean to anyone. "Sorry, ladies. I'm taken."

And there it was, just totally, nonchalantly dismissing their feelings.

And mine.

I hung my head. I criticized them, but I was really no better than them.

They saw him talking happily with a girl and thought it was okay to barge in, and I saw him with his totally awesome and pretty girlfriend and thought it was okay to get between them.

Sure, they'd just subtly called him out and asked for a date sometime, maybe, but I'd just confessed my feelings for him – and as far as I could tell, he knew that was it, too. He was just too nice to reject me right now because I'd just been through a breakup literally hours ago.

I wasn't any better than those girls. In fact, I was worse. I was scum.

I only ever cared about myself.

I didn't want to hear those girls flirt with Raeger even though he had a girlfriend, even though that was completely what I was doing in the first place. I didn't want to hear Raeger turn them down, because he was really trying to turn me down as well. Everything here suddenly had a different meaning behind it, and I didn't want anything to do with it.

The stool skidded across the tile as I stood up. "I'm going home."

I really shouldn't have even said hat, because I felt all three pairs of eyes (that other man wasn't there anymore) watch me leave. I felt sick.

What made it even worse was that I'd almost accepted myself for being this way, and actually encouraged my behavior.

You can't steal somebody's boyfriend; you can't flirt with him and try to make him like you behind her back. Who does that?

…Annie did. _I_ did.

And I really, utterly, indescribably hated myself for it.

"Annie!"

No. That couldn't have been Raeger's voice. He'd never like someone as horrible as me, let alone chase after me in that cliché way. Why would he?

"Hey! Annie!"

Okay, so maybe it was Raeger. All I had to do was keep walking and pick up the pace, though, and he'd forget about me and be happy with –

"Damn it, Annie! Would you wait a second?!"

He was squeezing my arm now, tightly, so I couldn't ignore him anymore. I didn't dare turn around, though, because I knew facing him would only make my gut feel worse. He sounded so mad. Did I make him mad?

I gulped. "What?"

I didn't want to sound threatening or scared, but it kinda sounded like a mixture of those two, anyway.

He sighed. "Will you turn around?"

"No."

"Ugh." He sounded frustrated now. "All right, whatever, just… what was that back there?"

I shrugged, and I felt even more awful noticing the amount of effort it took. "I'm not feeling too great, so I thought I'd just – "

"Not that, you idiot! What was that… that _confession_?!"

"…Oh." So he really did catch on? Well, crap. I felt more sick while my face heated up, but my sadness and anger were quickly replaced my embarrassment.

"So I'm the guy you like, huh? Is that it?"

I managed a small nod. My palms were sweaty and my stomach felt like it was going to drop into my bladder. I felt nauseous all over.

He heaved a deep sigh and slowly let go of my arm. I couldn't see him but based on how well I knew him, he was probably running a hand through his hair in exhaustion. Sorry, Raeger.

"Jeez, Annie." His voice was gentler now. "I'm not the brightest guy around, you know. It probably took more time beating around the bush than it would for me to have heard it and given you an answer."

I frowned and closed my eyes. That meant he was planning to reject me. I kind of knew it anyway, but still. I gulped.

"Annie, can we… go somewhere to talk about this?"

As awful as I felt, and as much as I just wanted to say no and forget about this whole ordeal, I really couldn't turn him down after hearing him call my name so many times in such a nice tone. Besides, I guess I didn't particularly feel like going back home feeling like this. I was all out of sorts. A nice, long talk with Raeger might have been exactly what I needed.

…

After Raeger dismissed the two girls and locked up the restaurant, he led me to his room upstairs. Honestly, I would've preferred a bench outside, but it was way too cold to sit out there.

And it wasn't all too bad, since I got to sit on Raeger's bed with him.

"So…"

As soon as we were alone, though, it got awkward again.

"So… you, uh, like me." He cleared his throat.

I nodded. He'd said that at least ten different times now, so I was growing more accustomed to it.

"Come on, you haven't said a word to me since we were outside. What's wrong, Annie?"

 _What's wrong?_ Really? I sighed.

"Well, for starters, you have a girlfriend."

He nodded. "Go on."

"Uh… okay." He was being weird. This wasn't a therapy session. "Anyway, I like Lillie a lot, and I know you do, too, and I would never want to do anything to hurt her… but… I, um, want to be your girlfriend – for both our sakes, really – but you really don't even see me as a girl, plus – "

"W-wait a sec," he said abruptly. "I don't see you as a girl?"

Was that really the only thing he gathered from that rant? I was glad he got something, at least, but he couldn't have elaborated on the fact that I wanted to be his girlfriend?

I shook my head, though. I felt embarrassed, but my insides were calming down a lot already. Being with Raeger helped immensely. "Well, I mean… you know, tonight's the only night I've seen you get any sort of flustered around me."

And that was only because I'd told him how I felt so he just became aware of me. I guess, in a way, that did count as him treating me like a girl, but still, it wasn't the same.

He took a while to respond, but before he did, he grabbed my hand.

"A-ah! What are you – "

"Do you feel that?"

Before any weird implications could come to mind, my eyes traced my arm down to where my hand was. He kept it positioned right over his heart.

 _Ba-bump. Ba-bump. Ba-bump._

Heat rushed up to my cheeks. No way. I gulped. "It's… it's beating really fast."

He gave me my hand back and nodded, then ran a hand through his hair. "I've always been aware of your being a girl, Annie, since the day we first met, actually."

I closed my eyes and swallowed the lump in my throat. There was no way this was really happening. This was a dream, right? If it really wasn't, then did it mean…?

"My heart probably doesn't beat as fast as yours does when we're together, but… it's not like I'm completely oblivious to your presence."

I nodded slowly. He was right. His heartbeat wasn't nearly as fast or forceful as mine, but just the fact that he was telling me all this, and with such a tender voice…

Maybe there really was hope after all.

"But I'm dating Lillie."

And of course he had to go and crush every ounce of it.

"I know."

I opened my eyes now. His expression was blank. I couldn't decipher anything.

"I have an obligation… a _duty_ to Lillie. We've been together for a long time, so it's not easy to just drop something like that. She'll always be with me, one way or another."

But…?

He pinched the bridge of his nose. "I don't make promises I can't keep, Annie, so I'm not going to tell you we can be together."

Come on! But…?

"But… maybe one day, given the right circumstances, our paths will cross – "

"All right, jeez." I laughed to cut him off, all traces of the sober tone gone suddenly. "I already like you. You don't have to act all cool to impress me."

His blank expression went away, his face lighting up like a tomato. "What?"

I laughed again, then sighed. I got up from the bed. "I'm gonna head home. Sorry for all the trouble today."

"It's nothing, really." He rubbed the back of his neck, signaling that he was nervous as well. I smiled. Just this much was fine for now.

"Goodnight, Raeger."

He nodded. "Goodnight, Annie."

I made it down the stairs and outside without much issue, but there was one thing I just couldn't quite figure out.

Did Raeger reject my confession… or accept it?

* * *

 _~CGA_


	8. Chapter 8

**A/N:** So here you have it, the climax.

Now, before you read it... it might come across as kinda boring in comparison to regular stuff, but I'd planned this since day one and thought it fit just perfectly.

It's shorter than any of my other chapters, but I think it's fine considering the content. Hmm... what else... oh. I thought for a long time that I made Lillie's character almost... overlooked? In a way, she really doesn't feel like a character; you read about Annie liking her so much but they haven't even spent any time together outside of the restaurant, so, eh.

I hope this chapter does her some justice. She is, at heart, just a girl who is coming to terms with her ending relationship, but she knows there's nobody at blame. In a sense, she's just like Annie :)

Thank you soooo much to my reviewers! You made weekly releases possible ;A; (though I already had this written, just had to type it up... eh, I'll let you believe what you want)!

Last thing I wanna mention. Because the way I've been writing this so far has kind of surpassed the ideas (pretty much just skipped over two whole chapters of the plans), it'll probably end at chapter eleven. I'm not sure if I can sneak something else in there, be it an epilogue or a sidestory about Lillie or something or other... but hopefully I can churn all of 'em out before the end of the year. Holy crap guys there's only two and a half months until 2016

* * *

"Ugh! My hair!"

The wind had, of course, blown my hair every which way, and even though I had my compact mirror with me, I couldn't fix it. It would just get all messy again.

Honestly, being on television with bad hair just wouldn't do. I was the weathergirl, for crying out loud, and I couldn't tell when it would be windy?

…Eh, the weather wasn't predictable _all_ the time.

My hairdresser tried her best to make it look decent, but even all of those hair gels couldn't compress the poof.

"Sorry," she told me sheepishly. "That's the best I can do. If we had more time, maybe…"

I shrugged. Oh, well. Wasn't everyone entitled to a bad hair day every once in a while? I supposed I could tie it up, but then the ponytail would tickle the back of my neck and it'd be uncomfortable.

"No, it's okay. Thank you."

She smiled back at me as I stood up and made my way over to my desk. There were still a few minutes before show time, so I picked up my yellow papers to memorize the forecast.

Tomorrow would be a heavy mix of snow and rain, it seemed. I groaned.

Even though I was the one who studied and recorded the forecasts, I hardly ever remembered them, so each time I looked, it was like I was reading it for the first time. I guessed I'd better bring my coat tomor –

"Trouble in paradise?"

I looked up. Ryan.

"No," I quickly countered. "It's nothing like that." It really wasn't, either. Raeger and I were just fine like always, and there were no big changes.

"How's your new friend?" Ryan asked. He must have meant Annie.

I'd forgotten just how big of a change she was. I bit my lip.

Annie was definitely very controversial in my mind. I honestly didn't know if I liked or disliked her. It wasn't even the fact that she moved in and tried taking Raeger from me, either.

I _wanted_ to like her. I just… didn't know how to feel about her.

She was small and cute and gave off this innocent city girl vibe that made everybody want to coddle and take care of her.

But I used to be like that, too, before Raeger.

And even though she'd always talk pitifully about not knowing anyone in town or having everyone there think she was weird and avoid her, almost every time I saw her she was with someone different. Eda, Klaus, Iris, and even the new guy, Nadi, had been chatting her up at one time or another. She was a hypocrite.

…But then again, so was I, way back when.

Annie wasn't a bad person. I knew that, and I did want to get along with her. Oak Tree was too small a place to hold grudges, especially against someone as friendly as her.

Of course, I said that, but… there were just too many circumstances to consider.

I smiled. "She's fine. We're actually planning a trip to the mall soon."

Lie after sneaky lie. Who was I covering up for? Was I trying to make myself look better? Annie's ex (I heard about it from Raeger) worked at the only really good clothing store in the city. Even if by some strange miracle we really did end up going, there was no way she'd feel up to going there. I knew if things ever ended with me and Raeger, I'd avoid the restaurant like a plague.

Wow. It was tough to acknowledge that something like that could happen.

"Hey, uh… you sure everything's all right?"

Ryan snapped me back to reality. Was I making a face? I hoped not, but how else would he know I was thinking about something?

Was it just because it was Ryan?

I swallowed my thoughts. "Yep, juuuust fine!" I laughed. Sometimes it was hard keeping up an image, but that's just what you do to stop people from worrying.

Except, sometimes, people would notice anyway. Like Raeger. And Ryan.

He didn't look convinced but let it go anyway. "Well… okay. We're on in ten."

I nodded. I'd have to act better, then. I didn't want him worrying about me when I was fine.

"Three two, go!"

"Hello and good morning! This is Lillie."

…

I did the show without any problems as usual, and ten hours were long gone before I knew it. By the time I looked at the clock, it was already seven. I sighed. I had to get going.

Just why did I want to stay longer, and why was work so much fun? Well…

"Miss Lillie! You were fantastic today!"

I smiled and saw him off. You might say it was the attention. Nobody here took me for granted, and they all knew who I was.

Coming from a small town with an even smaller inn that my dad ran, it was pretty hard to break away from my sheltered stereotype. When I was young, I was always excited to see the local newscast stop in for interviews and the like while they covered the town. My mom would dress me up in pretty clothes and tell me to pretend I was doing the forecast. I liked rain a lot, so I grabbed a doll and spoke into it, telling the anchor that there was a seventy percent chance of rain.

He smiled and told me I was right.

Since then, I'd studied to become a meteorologist. I knew it was something my mom would have liked to see.

After Melanie was born, my mom got sick more often. One day she got tired of it, I guess, so she left us for good.

And then that was when I met Raeger – or, more like, when he moved in. He was so painfully shy and quiet that it bothered me. We were the same age, so it confused me why he wasn't as lively as me or Angela.

Veronica told me his parents weren't together anymore, and I thought she meant that his mom went away, too, so I hugged him the next day. He didn't like it.

But month after month, injury after injury, and hug after hug, I realized I liked him. I wanted to be close to him and hug him without him getting upset.

We confessed our feelings to each other at sixteen, decided against being together and dated other people from then until twenty, and after that we just didn't know what to do anymore.

When we started dating at twenty-two, I thought for sure we would get married someday. We'd build our own mansion like Elise's dad did for her and have all sorts of children running around. I know now that was a fantasy, because of Annie.

She and I got along well at first. I was excited to have another girl my age to talk to; I loved Angela, but we'd been together so long that sometimes we just started talking about the same stuff. I still hung out with her, and she was always my weekend hangout plan, but I wanted to get to know Annie for the time being.

I saw the way Raeger looked at her, though. It was the same way he used to look at me a long time ago.

I heard how he talked to her, how his voice would just completely change. He was excited to see her and also trying to impress her at the same time.

He mentioned her when she wasn't around, how she messed up her cooking again and he had to scold her, how she was such an idiot for staying with her boytoy.

He smiled more happily and walked more purposefully when she showed up.

I saw all of it, and I couldn't get it out of my mind. My whole world, turned completely upside down just because of one girl.

"…lie…"

What?

"…ke up."

It was such a soft, gentle voice… It reminded me of Raeger's. Was I home, or at the restaurant?

"Lillie… come on, wake up."

This wasn't Raeger. He didn't nudge me or rub my back to wake me up – he would let me sleep because he knew how tired I was.

And it certainly didn't smell like soup and pastries in here.

"Gah!" I jolted up. So who was…?

"R-Ryan!" Why was he hanging around me all the time now? I mean, I was pretty, sure, but he knew I had a boyfriend…

"Good morning, sunshine," he joked. It was dark outside. "Everything okay?"

Why did he keep asking me that?! It wasn't like –

There were water stains on my papers. What? I rubbed gingerly at my eye and brought my finger in front of me. Aside from the smeared mascara and eyeliner, it was wet. Was I crying…?

"What were you dreaming about?" Ryan asked.

"I was asleep?" Apparently he had to wake me up so that much should have been obvious, but it was odd; I hadn't fallen asleep at work since I first got promoted. I hadn't been used to the hours.

He nodded and chuckled. "Yeah, you were out like a light."

I groaned. "What time is it?"

"Around nine."

Shoot, shoot. Dad would be so worried about me! I wouldn't even get home until sometime past ten, and that was only if I took the train right now!

I looked around briefly, making sure there was no one else around. Gosh, how embarrassing! Did I look stupid while sleeping? Did anyone else see the tears?

I frantically dug through my bag and pulled out my mirror. I looked like a wreck!

"Jeez, calm down," he said with a laugh. "You look fine."

I shook my head. "No, I don't! You're just saying that because you have to."

Ryan was my assistant, though sometimes he referred to himself as my servant. I didn't completely disagree, because sometimes I got pretty bossy, but I didn't like hearing that word.

At least he didn't unnecessarily add the "Miss" title to my name, though. I liked the respect, but I wasn't a teacher or anything.

He shook his head. "Nope. I'm saying it because it's true."

I glared at him. He just smiled. "Flattery will get you nowhere."

It was true; in the early stages of our relationship, Raeger would compliment me out of the blue to try and get stuff.

"But that's where you're wrong, Lillie."

I raised an eyebrow.

"I can get whatever I want with flattery, beautiful," he said, a glint of mischief in his eyes.

"…Kiss up."

Ryan laughed, then outstretched his hand to help me up. I was still feeling a bit groggy so I took it.

Here at work, I could be who I wanted to be, whatever and whoever that was, and everyone accepted me. I had Raeger and Angela and my family, but honestly… I almost dreaded going back home sometimes, so much that the studio felt like home.

There were people waiting for me – coworkers, Ryan, and all of the public who watched the station. If I could just stay here all day I probably would, but people would worry about me.

"Here, lemme take you home."

Speaking of worrying…

I stepped back and let go of Ryan's hand. "No, th-that's fine. I'm fine."

He only stepped closer, though. I didn't have much room left between me and the window now.

"Your face looks really red, though," he teased. "Are you sure you're fine? You don't need me to take you home?"

I was quite sure – no, I was positive. But I couldn't say it.

"C'mon, just let me – "

"No!"

I could only guess that the loud noise I heard just then came when I slapped his hand away. I closed my eyes and backed away.

"S-sorry. I was just teasing you, Lillie."

He really had to stop saying my name so often, so carefree. I would start liking it after a while.

I slowly opened my eyes, but Ryan was already walking away.

"Ry – "

I stopped myself. What would I say to him? Would I apologize? Would I just smile and tell him I'd see him tomorrow?

I wiped at my eyes and sat back down at my desk. I was on edge.

 _Do you see what you're doing, Annie?_

…

It all happened so fast. I didn't even get to see her before she died.

And neither did Annie, apparently.

The girl who stole everything from me just stayed holed up in her house during the service. And even though Raeger held my hand while Veronica said the eulogy, his eyes darted back and forth between the funeral in front of him and Annie's house in the distance.

Before it started, so many people tried hauling her out – Fritz, Veronica, Iris, and even Elise. Raeger didn't budge, though, despite the resistance I felt in his hand.

I didn't have to explain what was happening to Melanie this time, like I did when our mom died. She was only three then, and now she was already fourteen. I didn't know if I was thankful or not for that, because she still used my jacket as her personal tissue.

I held my tears in, though. It wasn't that I didn't miss Eda, but they just wouldn't come out. Maybe I'd been pretending that everything was okay for so long that my tear ducts just didn't work anymore.

I placed a nadeshiko on her casket, because when I was young that was the flower she gave my mother. It was a spring flower, which meant it still held some warmth and would keep her body from withering.

Raeger put down a box of lavender, because before Eda got sick she would always come by the restaurant and order herbal tea made from lavender.

My dad gave her chamomile. That was the first herb she'd taught him how to grow since he started his garden inside. I told him the plants wouldn't grow well because there wasn't much sunlight in winter, not to mention it was the off-season, but Eda must have helped him because it was the most beautiful and thriving chamomile I'd ever seen.

Melanie and Lutz laid down their gift together. It was a single potato, but I knew the story behind it would make Eda proud. She had those two tilling the field all spring so they could learn how to plant crops. They chose potatoes because they were the cheapest – and Eda didn't like carrots, Melanie told me afterwards. It looked like that potato was the last of those harvested.

As the other villagers offered their own items, I realized that we were all connected by her. Eda had touched all of our lives in different ways. That was easy to see.

And as much as I absolutely hated to admit it, for about two whole seasons, Annie was the only reason she stayed alive.

Raeger squeezed my hand and turned to me. "I'm going to bring her out."

I nodded. She had just as much right as anyone to be here, maybe even more, and I knew that if anyone could force her outside to face the cold, hard truth, it was Raeger. He was special.

He released his hand from mine not a second later, and as he dashed for his life towards Annie's house, I was hit with my own cold, hard truth, something I'd known for a while now but didn't have the courage or decency to acknowledge.

Raeger wasn't mine anymore.

I took my seat back and tried my best to blend into the crowd of people. I didn't want anyone to see or talk to me. I couldn't leave, though. I couldn't do that to Eda.

It must not have taken him very long at all to drag her out. Pretty soon I heard Annie's wails and Raeger scolding her for not being there earlier.

I looked up to watch them even though I tried so hard not to. Today was a pitiful day.

She yelled all sorts of obscenities at him, things I'd never even heard before, in front of everyone, and he just stood there and took it. He didn't even look hurt. She told him to let her go back inside because it was cold and she only had her nightgown on, but then she looked around and saw all of us. She saw the casket and everyone still huddled around it.

Then she just completely broke down.

It was like watching the culprit on those law and order shows finally confess to their crime. They just lost it. And so did I.

Malice and anger and hatred burned in my throat as I watched the two together. She deserved to be there, being comforted by Raeger, but the absolute last thing on Earth I wanted to do was hand him over to the likes of her.

"I'm so sorry, Eda!" she screamed.

Raeger shrugged off his coat and draped it around her tiny shoulders. She only sank further down to the ground. Her face was practically in the snow, but I could still hear her loud and clear.

"It's all my fault! I didn't even visit her… yesterday!"

It _was_ her fault. She _should've_ gone over there yesterday instead of flirting with my boyfriend.

"She… she died waiting for me! I never came!"

She died waiting for her. It was all Annie's fault, everything, everything, just _everything_ , was her –

"It's not your fault, Annie."

Raeger?

How could you say that? You loved Eda like your own grandma… You loved _me_.

At that moment… did you already love Annie more than Eda and me combined? Was that how it was? Didn't you still need me?

"She knows how much you cared."

I see.

I was just in the way. I was always in the way.

Those two loved each other – they were just too stupid to realize it, or maybe they already did, and this was their way of shoving me away.

I wiped my eyes. I didn't need someone stupid like Raeger; I didn't need someone who would fall in love with another girl and toss me aside after almost three years. I deserved someone better, didn't I?

I didn't need Raeger. But Annie did. And they deserved each other.

But… why did this hurt so much?

We had a great time together, and then Annie had to come and ruin it with her stupid childhood friend thing. Eighteen years… I had eighteen years, too, stupid Annie.

They were hugging now, Annie sobbing into his chest, and that was when I decided enough was enough. I was tired of hurting.

I was tired of feeling sad and jealous when I would get off the train and see Annie there with Raeger. That was _my_ spot. He was _my_ Raeger.

When they had their fight about Johnny whoever, I was left in the dark. Annie tried to explain but she was too hung up over Raeger to make any sense. It was the first secret Raeger had ever kept from me, but I wasn't even sure if I could believe that there weren't more.

I was tired of relying on someone who wasn't there for me, of trying to make myself pretty when he didn't even notice, and I was tired of dealing with these feelings all alone.

But really… I was just so sick and tired of hating Annie.

I hated thinking she was so perfect when in reality she was going through just as much hardship as anyone, probably even me.

I hated thinking she only wanted to be with me so she could hear about Raeger. I knew it wasn't true in the slightest, because she wasn't shallow like that; she was the most pure hearted person I knew.

I hated thinking that she stole Raeger from me. It was just something that happened and it wasn't her fault at all. For a while now I'd known that something was going on between them, that when Raeger thought of love he didn't see my face anymore. He saw Annie's.

I knew all this was a part of life, but… why now? Why Annie? Why Raeger? Why _me?_

I sniffled. The cold air was making my nose runny.

Every part of my body ached so badly all I wanted to do was scream at the top of my lungs in agony. I wanted to apologize to all the people I'd unintentionally hurt throughout my life. I wanted things to go back to how they were before my promotion, before Annie, before my mom died.

I wondered if things would be different if I would've spoken up or spent more time with Annie, or if I never accepted the job promotion because right here, right now, seeing them together… my heart hurt so much.

I think deep down I knew that Raeger had been with the wrong girl for too long.

I would be fine, though; I always was.

So I cried. For Eda. For Raeger. For Annie.

But most of all, for myself, because I knew nobody would anymore.

* * *

 _~CGA_


	9. Chapter 9

**A/N:** Hey guys! Sorry for the long-ish wait. I'm not super busy or anything, I just need a new computer and it's hard to get motivation to boot up something that takes hours to do what you want it to...

But here's chapter nine, what you came here for! Things are getting pretty heavy, and Annie's finally realizing that her thoughts lead her to do very stupid things - again, finally. All throughout this story Annie has been such a hard, exhausting character to write. She knows it herself that she's painful to deal with, if that tells you anything.

Thanks to all my readers and reviewers! You make continuing this story enjoyable :)

* * *

It was warm.

I hadn't felt warmth in what seemed like forever, so I didn't understand it. Where was it coming from? It started in my stomach and then it crept up all the way to my shoulders. I tried to move but it sucked me right back in with a sharp tug.

This was weird. I lived alone. Stuff like this never happened.

Was there something going on? Did I need to open my eyes? But the sunlight… it was so bright…

Yesterday… everything was too bright. The sun, the snow, the townspeople's faces. I would've preferred it to be dark and stormy, so that way it wouldn't have felt so out of place.

Another tug of resistance came and I realized I didn't need to even look to figure out what was happening. I remembered now.

It was Raeger. He came with me back to my house yesterday and held my hand and waited for me to go to sleep. So… he was here next to me?

I pulled the covers back. I couldn't see his blue eyes but I recognized his messy brown hair and the white button-up shirt he wore under his jacket to the funeral.

Eda's funeral.

I was such a horrible person. This must have been my punishment. The Harvest Goddess wanted me to understand what I needed to leave behind in order to make everybody happy again.

Raeger was finally right here, right beside me, exactly where I'd wanted him for so long… and yet I couldn't even be happy. Why? He looked so peaceful and tired, and I wanted nothing more than to crawl right back in beside him, but... I felt numb. Everything felt so numb.

Why did everyone I care about leave me all alone?

What was the point in getting close to people if they just disappear anyway?

I wiped my eyes and stood up. I had to leave. I couldn't live here, I couldn't stay here, constantly worrying every day that another person I loved would go away. That was why I left the city. Besides…

I was a homewrecker. I was all wrapped up and absorbed in my own self-pity yesterday, but it was hard to convince myself that Lillie, and the whole town for that matter, didn't see what happened between me and Raeger, what I made him do and how I took complete advantage of his kindness.

He said that maybe someday we would be together, but I didn't want him to have to put up with me any longer than necessary.

I saw the way Lillie looked at us sometimes, like she really expected us to run off together at any moment. I couldn't do that to her – to Raeger – anymore.

I couldn't be here.

…But at the same time, it wasn't like I could go back to the city, either. Where did that leave me? A remote village in the middle of nowhere? Nobody would know me and it would be another fresh, new start, but what if the same thing happened?

I was at a complete loss. I didn't belong here, and I wouldn't belong anywhere. I had no home anymore.

This was still technically my house, and it felt so strange to leave it, but…

 _Raeger._

 _Thanks for everything, but I have to try and find a place where things make sense._

 _-Annie._

My handwriting was absolutely horrible and squiggly, and some of my teardrops wore holes in the paper, but at that moment, I didn't even care.

…

I'd just barely managed to pack one bag full of my things. I left all my photos, especially the ones I assumed Raeger rifled through that time. It was selfish, but I didn't want anything to do with this place anymore, and saving photographic memories wasn't something that would make that easier.

I'd already left home once, so how bad could it be this time? Worst-case scenario, I'd end up a wanderer, or a hermit, right?

I didn't make it in time for the nine o'clock train, so I checked the schedule for the next one.

"Not till noon, huh…" I mused. There wasn't anyone here.

I didn't know where I was going, and I didn't know how long it would take for me to get there, but I did know I had to get out.

This time, I would be the one going away.

I sniffed. Going away or being left behind… I briefly wondered which one was more painful.

I hoped nobody would miss me too much, because honestly, I wasn't worth missing. Everyone had shown me extreme kindness and taken me in as a friend, gave me gifts and food and discounts on groceries… It would be lonely without them.

One time when I was younger, I asked my mom what the meaning of life was. Falling in love? Having a family? Becoming what you want to be?

She smiled and shook her head to all that, and then she told me that the meaning of life was to give life meaning.

At that time, I thought she was the smartest person in the world for coming up with that answer, and I always tried to think of what good it would do me to make certain decisions. But now, I was a little skeptical.

If that was true, then how come so many people lost their lives before they were able to live for something? Why where there so many orphaned children and so many tragic accidents?

You have to give meaning to your own life, I understood that, but what if you couldn't do it alone? What if you needed someone there to be your meaning?

And then you had to give them up?

Raeger was mine. He was the reason I kept living in this town. He was the reason I already gave up what I'd thought was the meaning of my existence. He was the reason I cried and smiled and laughed and realized that it was okay to be selfish.

I hadn't acknowledged it myself then, but… I had already fallen in love with him.

And now I had to give him up.

"I thought I might find you here."

She surprised me, but I didn't want to turn around to face her. She was just another person I'd wronged and had to leave.

"Come on, let's sit."

I shook my head. "I don't want to."

She sighed. I heard the bench creak as she sat. "The least you can do after all the trouble you've caused is hear me out. I need someone to talk to, and you need someone to listen to."

She was right. I'd been terrible to her, even going so far to call her my friend, so I should've done the right thing now.

"Okay."

I sat beside her on the creaky bench. Our small frames left a lot of space between us, but that was fine by me.

"You know…" she started. I could tell she was hesitant. "Seeing you here is sort of nostalgic. Before Raeger and I started dating, I wanted to run away from home, too."

Not _too._ This wasn't my home.

"Anyway, Raeger stopped me."

And then they lived happily ever after until the big bad Annie showed up –

"Since then, I've always thought our relationship was just built on pity and kindness."

I turned my head towards her. "What?"

She smiled sadly. "Raeger's a good person. If he can do anything to help someone in trouble, he will."

I nodded. That was easy to see; I'd experienced that with him several times before.

She paused for a while, as if she was afraid to say what was next.

"Annie… you're not the only one wallowing in self-pity. When my mom died, I felt so sorry for myself that I developed a sort of… anxious, inferior persona."

Why would she feel that way, though? She had everything… everything I didn't.

She laughed a little. "Raeger's the one who helped me out of that phase. I had to tell my little sister why our mom wouldn't come home anymore when I didn't even really understand it myself."

She sighed. "But he lost his grandpa a little while later, and then I had to help him, too."

I remembered Raeger telling me that his grandfather died when he was younger, but I didn't understand the whole story until now.

He and Lillie shared way more of a past than I'd originally thought. Now I felt even worse for trying – and probably succeeding – to split them up.

Loss really did bring people together, didn't it? Just like with me and Johnny. But if it was like that for them, too, did that mean they were only together for the sake of comfort, too? I shouldn't feel bad?

…No, that couldn't be it. Raeger loved Lillie. He really did; I could see it in his eyes whenever he talked about her.

"Buuuut," she continued, interrupting my thoughts, "after I got the job as the weathergirl, I slowly started regaining my confidence – and attention from other people. Basically, I wasn't always this bubbly."

I managed a small smile. That was why he loved her.

She looked down at the snow on the ground, clicking and rubbing her boots together. Was something wrong?

"Lil – "

"After so much time has passed, though, I think I'm starting to realize something."

Oh no.

I suddenly got a very bad feeling. She wasn't… was she? Did she?

"I thought I needed Raeger to support me and keep me company, but… especially now, after this promotion, after you, I realized… he's been holding me back." She sniffed and wiped at her eyes. This was the first time I'd seen her cry.

I swallowed. If two people loved each other as much as they obviously did, then… why did it sound like she broke it off?

I didn't know where I got the idea that it was okay, but I wrapped my arms awkwardly around her shoulders and neck and hugged her tightly. My oversized puffy coat rubbed against her fashionable brown jacket but for once, it honestly didn't feel like we were on different levels. We were just two girls who'd experienced firsthand the effects of heartbreak.

She painfully sobbed for a few minutes and I couldn't really do anything but hold her, but I hoped it helped. Sometimes all you needed was a good cry.

She finally calmed down and pulled away, rubbing her eyes. Even with her makeup smeared everywhere, she still looked prettier than me.

She inhaled a shaky breath and then let it out. She turned towards me and smiled. "Anyway, I just ended things with him, so he's probably hurt and upset. He might want you to comfort him."

So they really did break up. Thinking about it surprised me.

I didn't really feel like it was my fault anymore, and I did still really like Raeger, but…

"I think it's better to leave him alone right now," I said.

In light of everything that happened and what all I'd heard and learned, we both had just lost someone very important to us. It would be a while before I could smile again, let alone think of being involved with someone romantically. I'd just take things one step at a time.

…

"Thanks so much for looking after them, Agate."

"No problem, Annie!" she exclaimed. I had to admit, she looked really happy as she messed with my two animals.

I was glad I didn't have a sheep or chicken, though – but then again, maybe I would've made more money. Maybe everything would be different, then.

I walked over to Hanako and patted her head. "Be a nice big sister for Chestnut, okay? I'm counting on you."

It was a little weird talking to her like that; she belonged to Eda at one time, after all. While I was away, I wanted to at least make sure one piece of her was taken care of.

A little while ago, she told me that if anything were to happen to her, she wanted me to have her farm and take care of her animals. Now, I was all too eager to house her animals, too, but she seemed to have sold them off anyway before she passed.

"So why are you leaving?" Agate asked me.

That was right. I didn't exactly give her a reason; I just asked at the last minute if she could keep Hanako and Chestnut at the safari for a while.

"I just… think it'd be good for me to get away for a bit."

I couldn't abandon my responsibilities. I couldn't push my animals or farm onto someone else, especially after all the trouble Veronica told me she went through interviewing people and finding someone suitable to run the land I lived on. I didn't _want_ someone else to have to do my work, let alone do it at all. I loved living in Oak Tree. I had to stay, no matter how selfish or mean or sad that decision was.

I needed to leave, though, at least for a few days, a week, maybe even a month. But I would come back.

And it really only took me a week to figure it out, which meant I hadn't even seen a glimpse of Raeger since he was at my house, sharing my bed with me. I'd left that note saying I was leaving but when I got back after talking with Lillie, he wasn't there anymore.

That was easier, though, for both of us. It gave us more opportunities to, uh… get over each other. I didn't know if Raeger really did like me, but at least he'd be able to forget about me.

"Helloooo?"

"Ah!" I forgot I was still with Agate. "S-sorry."

She laughed. "I asked if you needed anything else."

"Oh."

I needed a new life, preferably one that wouldn't make me choose between the things I loved. I shook my head. "Nope. I think I'm all set."

I had my bag and my wallet. That wasn't even close to everything I needed, but it'd be okay. I was leaving to forget about all those things, anyway.

She nodded. "Okay. Well… take care, Annie. Come back soon."

I nodded back and smiled. Hanako and Chestnut would be waiting for me, so I definitely couldn't just stay gone, as much as I wanted to.

"See you, Agate." I frowned when I looked at my animals. For about two and a half seasons, I'd been taking care of these guys – well, Hanako for longer, but Chestnut was so sweet it felt like a long time.

…Agate would keep an eye on them for me. They'd be fine.

All that was left to do, I guessed, was depart.

The way back from the safari was a little depressing, mainly because I walked back completely alone. On the way there I had the animals and Agate, but now it was just me. And it was starting to rain, too, and my umbrella was stuck back at my house because I was stupid and didn't think I'd need it with spring just a week away.

So it drizzled all over the place, including my hair and clothes. After my thirty-minute walk back to town, I walked through the trade depot's gate. It was downpouring now and all the vendors had already packed up and gone home, so I couldn't buy an umbrella even if I wanted to.

It looked like it'd been raining here for longer than what I'd been walking in, because the streets were soaked so much I could barely see the snow anymore, just slush. I could've really gone for some hot chocolate right now.

But my house was too far away, and not even that – if people saw me walking around town after I just told them I was leaving, they'd worry about me and invite me inside and all. It wasn't that I didn't want to see them, but it would be easier to leave if nobody was holding me back.

So what was I supposed to do? Haul it back home while braving the storm without an umbrella? The ground wasn't steady enough to keep me above it, with all the sleet and slush. The train wouldn't come for another hour, at least, and to top it off, the station wasn't very heavily sheltered at all.

Did I suck it up and go to someone's house? They probably wouldn't have minded my company, I guessed…

Or I could've just gone to Raeger's. He was the only person I didn't tell about me leaving yet, so it'd just be a normal visit.

Ha! That was a good one; not only was he the main reason I was leaving in the first place, but it was Wednesday. He wasn't even working today, so there was no way he'd do something like that for someone like me. I sniffled.

Still… I couldn't stop myself from standing outside the door to the restaurant.

Just how many times had I been in this same exact spot and felt nervous? I probably stopped counting after ten. I took in a breath, but my lungs didn't like that so I ended up hacking.

Jeez, so much for being a little stealthy.

But even as I kept coughing, Raeger didn't throw the door open like he usually would. Was something wrong? Was he even home?

I'd almost convinced myself to leave, but before that I tried the knob. It wasn't locked.

I steeled myself and pushed it open.

"H-hey, can we – "

Oh. There wasn't anyone else here. I kinda expected the lack of customers, but even on Wednesdays, usually Raeger would be down here at least making some food or washing dishes or just cleaning up. It was weird seeing this place so… empty, so lifeless.

It wasn't like him to leave the door open, though, really. He always made sure to lock up.

After looking around a bit more, I decided to just head upstairs. Maybe there was something I was missing. My footsteps made way more noise than normal, or so it seemed, at least.

The door to his room was shut but not locked, and I was actually starting to get a little worried. He wasn't this absent-minded before, was he?

"Raeger?" I called out, not really expecting a response, and I didn't get one. So he really wasn't here.

Did he somehow have the same idea as me…? Just leave for a while to clear his head? It would make sense, because it seemed like lately he'd been through a lot, too, but still, the restaurant was a family business. He wouldn't let it go just because he wasn't feeling well – in fact, there had been a few times when he was sick and still insisted on serving customers.

Raeger… where was he? Was he ever coming back? Did he miss me?

There was a clatter in the direction of the bathroom, and only then did I realize that door was shut, too. I gulped. That noise wasn't my imagination.

So the door to outside was unlocked and no other doors were locked.

I hoped and prayed so hard that by some miracle that was Raeger in there. I took in a breath, trying my hardest not to cough.

The doorknob started turning and my breath hitched in my throat.

"R-Rae…ger?" My voice sounded so soft and scared and quiet I almost didn't recognize it.

It looked like whoever was on the other side of the door was having a hard time opening it. If it wasn't possibly a burglar, I probably would've stood up to help.

…And no, I didn't know why I thought a burglar would want something in a bathroom. Maybe he was dirty and wanted to take a shower first?

The door finally opened and I squeezed my eyes shut, curled up into the fetal position on his bed. I couldn't move. It was just like that time Raeger caught me out of the bath.

"Ah! A-Annie?!"

I knew that voice. This wasn't a bathroom burglar, it was Raeger!

"W-what are you doing he – oof!"

I hugged him so tightly I heard him grunt, and he tried to pry me off of him but I wouldn't let go because I was so scared and I'd missed him so much and he smelled so nice –

"Annie…" Raeger croaked out. I loosened my grip just a bit so he could talk. He was really warm. "Can we, uh… can we talk maybe after I get dressed?"

My eyes shot open. "What?"

I squeezed his back again and finally realized. He was only wearing a towel.

He was very well-built.

And I had a hard time finding words. "I – um – I… I'm sorry!" I even bowed my head, though only to hide my face.

"J-just give me a minute, okay?"

"Sure," I quickly agreed. He could take as much time as he needed, because _I_ needed to calm down.

I was expecting him to just go back into the bathroom, but when he started walking towards me, still clad in that towel, I realized he must not have taken any clothes in with him.

After all, if he had, why would he have come out with just a towel? Did he ever… not use a towel? He probably didn't think anyone else would come here.

I curled up on the bed with my head in between my knees so I wouldn't look at him. I didn't expect this at all.

The door shut again and I brought my head up, sighing in relief. Sure, maybe someday I'd be ready to look at another guy in that way again, but as it stood, it'd still just barely been a week since I broke up with Johnny. I kinda missed him, and for the most part, what we had wasn't even real.

But what Raeger and Lillie had definitely was. As much as I liked to think they were in the same boat as me and Johnny, it just… wasn't like that. Lillie's words and expressions and tears told me that.

I felt some sort of vibe when I saw them together. It was only for a while, before Lillie got promoted, but it showed. They were childhood friends and lovers done right.

And I'd kind of singlehandedly screwed it up.

"So…"

I was too absorbed in my thoughts that I didn't see him come out – this time dressed head to toe. Well, pretty much. There was a little opening at the top of his shirt where the tie would usually go, allowing me a peek at the area below his neck.

Not that I hadn't seen it and more already, though.

"S-so…?" Stupid thoughts.

He hung up his towel and made his way towards the bed. I scooted over a bit to give him more room and he took full advantage. He sat back against the wall, as close as he could be to the other end of the bed.

I couldn't help but remember last week when we sat together and talked about my feelings. He almost confessed, too, if I could even call it that.

I totally didn't deserve that confession, though. He needed someone better than me. Maybe I could do the opposite of what I was doing before and try and get him and –

"You're getting my bed wet, y'know."

Oh, shoot! I was all wet, wasn't I? I completely forgot it was raining outside. "S-sorry. I can go if you want me to..." It was pretty rude of me to barge into his house, sit on his bed, and get his sheets and wall and everything all wet. Jeez, way to go, Annie.

Raeger just chuckled as I frantically tried to get off the bed. "I didn't mean I wanted you to leave. In fact, uh..." He cleared his throat and looked away after I faced him. "I'd kind of like it if you stayed longer."

Once I realized the rain was clinging to me I felt cold, but after hearing him say that my entire body felt rather hot. I looked away, too, and then the whole atmosphere just got that much more awkward. I still liked him. A lot. And no matter whether or not I went away, I was pretty sure I always would. People like Raeger don't show up all the time.

I didn't hear his footsteps but when I looked back at him he had a clean towel in his hand. He gave it to me and I thanked him, using it to dry myself off as best as I could.

"Lillie told you, didn't she?"

I hung the towel around the back of my neck so I could see him.

His voice was really soft and quiet. He was still in pain, wasn't he? Girls fell faster but guys fell deeper.

I nodded, doing my best to push away all those negative thoughts. Even if it was just for these few minutes, I was here with Raeger. I couldn't let that just go to waste.

He sighed loudly and ran a hand through his hair. "Don't worry about it. I know right now you're probably thinking all these stupid things like it was your fault. Well, it wasn't; it's just something that happened."

…He didn't blame me? That was just something people said, though. It didn't mean he didn't blame or hate me for what happened. How could he not?

"Raeger, I kind of had a hand in that, though, didn't I?"

"You did, but… it was bound to happen, anyway."

He got kind of cheesy at serious moments, didn't he?

"I mean it."

"So do I."

We were both very stubborn, it seemed, which wasn't going to help us any if we wanted to get anywhere with this conversation. So I just dropped it; after all, I did really like that he didn't blame me for cutting the threads of his relationship.

But what did I do now? Since we were more or less talking again, and it didn't feel nearly as awkward as I'd imagined it would be, what did I do? Did I stay or did I go? It would've benefited me to take a little journey, but if Raeger was in pain and I could do even the tiniest thing to make him feel better, then I should stay, right?

I was asking myself all these questions but I wasn't getting any answers. I really only had one choice, then: ask Raeger.

"Raeger... where does this leave us?" It took pretty much all my courage to ask, but it had to be done. He was probably thinking the same thing, too.

He leaned back against the wall again, trying to relax. What would he say? Did he want me to leave, too? He wanted to make up with Lillie and get back together with her, and I was just in the way like I always was.

"I never told Lillie to stay."

...So he knew what else she told me? That he prevented her from running away all those years ago? But there was no way he just didn't say anything. Raeger was so kind and gentle and caring, he probably told Lillie to stay in town a hundred times before she actually listened to him.

"If I told her not to go, not to take that job promotion - "

Oh. So that was what he meant. Of course he'd told her to stay when she was sad, because that was just what he did. And he loved her, too, so of course it made sense he would do that.

" - then, I wonder if things would be different now."

Did Raeger really want her back? I could be so much better for him if he could just see past my selfishness and... well, all my other bad points. But I could make him so happy and we'd have so much fun together.

Still, I knew how hard it was to try and move on from the person you'd more or less spent your entire life with - though I still wasn't entirely sure if that was how it was for them as well. I was still trying to move on, but for all the right reasons.

Raeger wouldn't hold me back like he supposedly did to Lillie, and in fact, he pushed me forward with pretty much every conversation we had. He encouraged me and cheered me up and held me when I cried, and everything just felt right when I was around him.

I closed my eyes. "You should tell that to her, then. I'm sure she'd be happy to hear it." Even though Lillie already confided in me that she'd more or less just gotten tired of Raeger, I was positive she would rethink her decision if he rebutted against it. Those two were still stupidly in love with each other, and no matter how much I wanted Raeger to myself, I had absolutely no right to interfere with whatever relationship they still had.

He let loose a deep sigh. "I already have."

Our eyes met and I must have been making a weird face because he laughed a little. "Annie... whether I want to truly believe it or not, I got dumped. But, y'know, I'm... I'm all right. It still feels like a huge part of me is missing, but I don't feel like I'm going to die."

It almost sounded like how I felt after breaking up with Johnny, but I shouldn't have compared it with that. Raeger loved Lillie way more than Johnny and I ever loved each other; if anything, our relationship was more platonic. In eighteen years, we'd only slept together that one time and I was only flustered when he brought it up because I was lost in the moment. Raeger really did hit the nail right on the head when he said we were only together for the sake of comfort.

And boy, was I feeling it now. I was uncomfortable as could be, with my thoughts and emotions consuming every rational, sane part of me, but for some reason I didn't want to stop trying until I got a legitimate rejection. As soon as Raeger told me he didn't want to be with me, or that he still loved Lillie and wanted to patch things up with her, I would leave him alone.

"But you asked where this leaves us, right?"

I nodded. I was ready for his answer. I wanted to hear it, no matter what it was. I wanted him to be happy, because you always want the one... the one you love to be happy, right?

I gulped, waiting for him to talk.

"I think a part of me will always love Lillie."

And there it was. All right. From now on, he wouldn't see me any -

"But... my feelings for you are already rivaling those for her."

"Wh-what?"

I totally was not expecting that at all. Was he playing a prank on me? This was a really, really mean prank if so. It wasn't like I didn't want him to say stuff like that, but if he kept it up, he would get my hopes up...

He looked over at me with those big blue eyes and smiled. I looked down at my hand when he grabbed it, rubbing little circles over my knuckles, then back up at him. What was going on? Why was he holding my hand?

"Annie?"

I flinched. I'd never heard his voice like this before. It was so soft and gentle and... nervous? What the heck? "Y-yeah?"

He let go of my hand. "I like you. I really do."

I whimpered and nodded. This was really happening. Raeger was really... he really liked me. I couldn't believe it. But... why did it feel like he wanted to say more?

"But I want to make sure these aren't rebound feelings," he said after a few more moments passed by.

I guessed that made sense. Neither one of us wanted to rush into another relationship, anyway, so it was fine. It felt like a huge weight had been lifted just from him telling me his feelings. It made me feel so important, like I finally mattered to someone.

"I understand. I kinda need to make sure of that myself, I guess." I smiled sheepishly.

He smiled back, but then he frowned a bit. "It's rather selfish of me to request this, but... I hope you can wait for me. I don't know how long it'll take, and you might even find another guy better than me before then - "

"That won't happen!" I interrupted. Whoops, that was supposed to stay in my thoughts. "I - I mean, there's not really anyone better than you around here, so..."

He laughed. "You're sweet, Annie. I really do hope we can be together."

Jeez... What was with him being so suave all of a sudden? This wasn't like Raeger at all. Not that I minded it or anything, but still, it was different. Would I have to get used to this sort of attitude if we ever started dating?

And then what was with me being calm about this situation? Normally I would be freaking out or stuttering like an idiot or something of the like. Was I... maturing? Ha! Raeger was a miracle worker.

Just one of his miracles was that I didn't want to leave town anymore.

"I'll be waiting."

* * *

 _~CGA_


	10. Chapter 10

**A/N:** It's been aaaaaages, okay not really but it's been a while since I updated. I am semi-proud to say WTSHW is complete! (I just need to type up the last chapter and probably post it next week.) Is anyone still even reading? Lol. Thanks, anon readers!

But yes. This is the second-to-last chapter of What the Selfish Heart Wants. I'll be sad to see it go, but it's time. Plus, I kinda wanna start working on other things already. Check out the "upcoming stories" or whatever I named it on my profile for more info!

So... thanks for sticking with me thus far, and I hope I don't disappoint with these last two chapters :) Sadly I suck at proofreading though (and getting motivated to even do it) so if there are any errors, just laugh at them! I probably won't fix them until a year from now, anyway.

* * *

It took a few weeks for things to pick back up again. And those weeks passed by _very_ slowly.

I'd managed to get my animals back from the safari, and Agate, without too much trouble, which I was really happy about. People always say that animals are the best listeners, and I understood that now. Hanako was my rock again while Chestnut provided stress relief.

After the first two weeks went by, everyone in town welcomed in a new resident. He wasn't a farmer or anything, but that was good because I didn't want to have a new rival just yet. I was still kind of getting over my love rivalry.

The new person was a florist named Kamil. I hadn't talked to him yet but from what I heard, he'd just moved here from pretty far away and was looking for a new life. I smiled when I overheard that because he reminded me of myself – even though he was probably older than me.

A lot about him reminded me of myself, actually.

So anyway, I only set foot in the restaurant when I felt like I would collapse from hunger, otherwise it'd add more unnecessary awkwardness to my and Raeger's relationship. It was hard, though.

I knew Raeger told me to give him some time and space and everything so he could sort his feelings out, but... I was honestly starting to get pretty impatient. If neither of us acted soon, it would probably become another Johnny situation.

I sighed and got up from bed. Guess that meant I had to initiate something, huh?

For some reason, there was a fancy dress in my closet, just begging for me to wear it. I'm pretty sure Iris bought it for me when I "modeled" for her novel. Remembering it gave me chills...

it wasn't too gaudy, the dress – just kinda showy. It barely came down to my knees, and there was a pretty big gap in the chest area. Not that I didn't fill it out, just... y'know. Still, it was a white spring dress covered with pink flowers and overall matched my person rather well. I could move freely and easily in it, too.

Once I made myself all pretty, mainly out of anxiety and anticipation, I looked myself over in the mirror. I looked... great, right? Would Raeger come to his senses?

…

I was ready for this. Honestly, I really was.

It was weird that the nervousness hadn't caught up to me until now, and boy, did it ever.

I took a few deep breaths in and out. All I needed to do now was -

"Excuse me."

I turned around immediately, startled a bit. That was an unfamiliar voice.

He had light brown hair and a purple hue to his eyes. Was this... Kamil? I didn't see him up close until now.

"Sorry to startle you," he said, an awkward smile on his face.

"Oh, no, it's fine." I laughed just as awkwardly.

He put his fist to his mouth and cleared his throat. "Er, I was hoping you could help me find the antique shop. I'm not quite used to the town's layout just yet."

Right. It'd only been a week since he moved in. Surely he wouldn't know (or remember) to check the far side of town just yet. But...

I hesitated, glancing between him and the restaurant. I did my hair up all pretty and got dressed up so I could see Raeger and hopefully get a reaction – and we were just steps from the restaurant door...

I closed my eyes and mulled it over.

"Oh. If you're busy, I can ask someone else," he said to try and reassure me. I didn't need that, though. I would gladly do it. Maybe it'd help me get over my nerves.

I couldn't exactly turn down a new person in need of directions. I knew from experience that Veronica's tours were a bit... overwhelming. Trying to piece everything together in a week or less was difficult. The town didn't have much to offer, but it did have a tricky layout.

And if I _did_ turn him down and leave him alone, sure, he could ask someone else, but maybe he was shy and awkward and would turn out just like I was in the beginning: angsty, kind of unsociable, and apathetic.

This town definitely didn't need another me.

I shook my head. "No, that's okay. Let's go."

If Raeger and I had already waited three weeks, what was another half hour or so on top of that?

Besides... Kamil's appearance kinda reminded me of Raeger.

His hair was short, unruly, and fluffy-looking, just like Raeger's, and I just wanted to touch it and mess it up even more. That would've been awkward, though.

I cleared my throat. "Do you know how to get to the west side of town?"

He nodded once. Again, just like Raeger. His whole demeanor, really – the softness of his eyes, his tall, straight posture, the neatness of his clothes (coupled with his messy hair, of course).

Ugh. I'd been away from Raeger for too long. I was starting to see him everything. Was that such a bad thing, though?"

"Hello?"

"Ack!" Okay, Annie, time to stop spacing out. Kamil was still here.

He took a few steps back after my outburst. I would have, too.

"Sorry," I said lamely. "I'm just... all out of sorts today."

He nodded, seeming a little more at ease already. "I should apologize again, too. If you're dressed so nicely, I must have interrupted something."

"Ah, n-not at all." Oh, how wrong he was. I cleared my throat. "Anyway, um... I'll show you the way, c'mon."

Kamil nodded again and smiled. He walked beside me as I led us both towards the west end of town. It was weird coming here when I didn't have any business myself.

"What day is it?" I didn't think I asked that aloud, but when he answered I realized I needed to start being more aware of my actions. Maybe a big reason for why I didn't have too many friends here was because everyone thought I was weird? Well, I _was_ weird, but I didn't always talk to myself – I hoped not, anyway!

"It's Monday."

So it was already the start of a new week? Jeez, how did I always lose track of the days? I guessed it didn't really matter, as long as there was at least one trader at the depot when I brought my cart of shipments.

Monday... that meant the antique shop was open, if I remembered right. We would probably see Mistel, then, since Iris hardly ever ran the store. That woman was something else. Come to think of it, everyone in this godforsaken town was quirky – myself included.

I sneaked a peek over at Kamil as we walked. Was this really where he wanted to live, even after seeing how everything operated? Maybe he was just as much of an oddball as all of us.

We made it to the shop in just a few minutes. As I expected, the open sign was hung up in the window, enticing potential customers to come inside. I didn't really want to go inside with Kamil because that'd waste even more time, but on the other hand I was already "wasting" time debating about it. Plus, I'd already made up my mind to help him. So I just followed him, frilly dress and all, inside. At least it would be fitting to be in an antique shop.

Mistel greeted us normally and complimented me on my attire, which made me a little embarrassed. It was nice to be noticed, though; if nothing else, if things went south with Raeger, this was a good going-out dress.

I sighed inwardly. Deep down, I really didn't feel confident of how Raeger would respond to me, huh? After three weeks of basically no contact, though, I guessed anything would be awkward. But then again, three weeks shouldn't have even been able to pass by with us not talking. That was pretty much a whole season; I hadn't really talked to him since before we both fell asleep in my bed, before Eda's funeral.

I put my hands on either side of my head, telling myself to calm down. This was a whole new, fresh start in my life – for real this time – and on top of that, it was Raeger. I really had no idea what to expect.

"Hey... Annie."

A soft voice called out and a warm hand touched my arm. I probably would've flipped out if he wasn't so gentle – yet another thing that connected him to Raeger.

I shook my head and smiled at Kamil. "I'm fine, really. I just think too much." Man, was that the truth. All of my problems probably wouldn't even exist if my mind would just shut up every once in a while.

He hesitated but finally let it slide. He walked over to the counter to pay for the vase he'd picked out. A part of me was really itching to see how it would look with flowers nicely arranged in it.

It wasn't until we got back outside that I noticed something was a little... off.

"How did you know my name?" I asked him.

I guessed maybe it would make sense if he'd already met everyone else in town and just attached my name to the only person he hadn't yet, or he had a superpowered memory or something.

He almost looked confused, as if I'd asked some absurd question. I thought it was completely valid.

"You're Annie," he said matter-of-factly. "You're the farmer who moved in last year and changed the entire town for the better."

I rubbed the back of my neck bashfully. Well, jeez, I wouldn't go _that_ far... It wasn't like I was famous or anything...

He just kept going, though. "You own the biggest plot of land for miles, your animals are the most tame even the safari has seen, and rumor has it most of the men who know you want to be with you."

Well, the only reason for the land and the animals was Eda. It was her influence and just her in general, really. Hanako was hers until she gave her to me, and I made sure I raised Chestnut in the same way – I gave them both my inherited land to roam around.

I stopped in my tracks when his other words sunk in, though. "H-hold on a second. What was that last part?"

His face went white. "Ah... I spoke out of line. I'm sorry."

I laughed a little. He probably thought he sounded like a stalker. "No, I mean, it's fine, just..." _It doesn't sound right at all_ , was what I wanted to say.

We had already made it back to the other side of town, so I thought taking a seat on the bench in front of the inn would be a good idea. If he thought all that stuff about me was true, then apparently we had a lot to talk about. Just who the heck did he hear that from?

He slumped over and sighed, placing the paper bag with his vase down beneath the bench. "I'm really sorry. It's... rather pathetic, but I recently got out of a long-term relationship. You see, ah, you remind me a lot of her, actually."

I bit my lip. Well, now I felt kinda bad. But hey, at least we both reminded each other of the one we loved.

"What was her name?" I asked tentatively. Maybe I was approaching a touchy subject and maybe he didn't want to talk about it, but he was the one who brought it up. It must have been bothering him. Sometimes all you need is someone to vent to.

He glanced over at me. "Are you sure you don't have somewhere to be? I did call you out rather suddenly."

"No!" I said a little too quickly. I cleared my throat. "I mean, no, it's totally fine. I can wait." He wasn't going to get rid of me so easily just so he could mope around! There'd been enough of that around here with just me doing it.

His expression curved upwards into a smile. "You're too nice."

"Eh..." Not at all, Kamil. In fact, I wasn't very nice at all. Whatever was done to me in the past, I just did it right back to everyone, didn't I?

A few more awkward moments passed with me wallowing in self-pity and Kamil choosing his words. Finally he started up again.

"Her name's Lillian."

I nodded. At least he didn't speak in past tense, like she'd suddenly died or something. That was good. But wait...

Lillian... sounded an awful lot like Lillie. This rinky-dink town was just full of coincidences, wasn't it? Now it housed four people who'd all recently gotten out of relationships. How how much more did he and I have in common?

"She was the new farmer who just moved into my town," he continued. "I didn't care much for her in the beginning. She was cheerful, obnoxious, and optimistic, and she would always bring me petty things."

Jeez. Kamil must have been the life of the party.

He sighed. "But... she taught me that life's too short to be a grump with regrets. You have to treasure the people you care about before they're gone. Slowly, my discontentment turned into respect, and then love. We dated for two years and just when I'd finally worked up the courage to ask her to be my wife... she told me she loved someone else."

I wanted to react. I wanted to gasp and shake my head in disbelief at his last statement, but my mind was too preoccupied with his earlier one.

 _You have to treasure the people you care about before they're gone._

I was little, so I didn't realize at the time just how lucky I was to have both my parents still. Even my grandmother would step in and give me attention when I needed it.

Johnny, Lillie, Eda, and now maybe even Raeger, too... If I didn't hurry up and talk things out with him, would I lose him, too? Our friendship meant everything to me... I'd already lost everything else. I didn't want the one thing I could still cling too gone, too.

I swallowed a huge lump in my throat. Why was it that I only figured this stuff out when other people spelled it out for me? When would I finally be able to rely on my own strength rather than other people's?

I inhaled a shaky breath only to let it out with a sigh.

"Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to rant."

"It's not that," I told him. He didn't need to apologize – he wasn't even talking that much. If anything, I should've apologized for not paying closer attention. I didn't even know if he'd said anything after I got lost in my thoughts.

He nodded, but it looked like he was having some trouble keeping up with me and my many trains of thought. I felt bad. He was a really nice guy who just needed someone to talk to, and I was probably confusing the heck out of him.

I could be selfish, sure, and sometimes I really did need to think of myself, but now was a perfect time to do something for someone else.

Raeger would still be there in an hour; if he'd been living here since he was pretty young I doubted that he'd leave over something as small as our situation.

So I smiled and shook my head, dismissing almost all my other thoughts. "Sorry I keep spacing out. If you need to talk, i'm here to listen, though." Maybe I could still make it up.

He nodded again, hesitantly. I didn't blame him. I probably seemed crazy to him. I wouldn't have been offended if he got up and walked away and never spoke to me again. But, y'know, that was just the way I was.

"Well..." He sighed. "We tried to keep it going for a while, anyway, because I believed It might have just been a phase she was going through. After being with somebody for so long, you start to think about the possibility of spending your life with somebody else. I pretended like she never said anything. I didn't want to lose her because she was the best thing that ever happened to me. After some time, though... we both knew we couldn't live a lie. She stopped talking to me as much, and every time I would see her in town, she would be with my best friend instead. I knew then that nothing could repair our relationship, especially if I kept living in denial of the situation."

it sounded a lot like me when I first heard that my parents died. My grandmother took me in but I ran away constantly, going back to their house. I'd live my life like normal then: pretend both of them were just asleep or at work or out to the store and would be back soon. It didn't take very long for me to remember the truth, though.

I sighed. It might not have been the same situation, but I know how he felt. "So you came here to get away from it all."

it wasn't a question because I already knew the answer. I did the same thing. Did that mean he cut off all ties to the outside world, too? Even his best friend?

He sounded pretty lonely. I wondered if that was how I came off as, too.

"Yeah," he said in reply.

We stayed in heavy silence for a little while as the spring breeze passed by. I shivered involuntarily, still only clothed in my skimpy dress.

"Okay, I have to ask," Kamil started, cracking up a little, "why are you dressed so nicely?"

Right. I told him he wasn't interrupting anything. "Why are you laughing? Does it look bad?"

He chuckled and shook his head. "No, not at all. It's just, every other time I've seen you in town, you've been wearing normal clothes."

My face heated up. So it _did_ look weird, otherwise he wouldn't have said "normal clothes." Maybe I should've worn something different, after all. But he said it didn't look bad, so...

"Do I... do I look okay?"

He nodded. "You look great. Usually when people who wear casual clothes dress up for the first time, it's like they're completely different people."

Well, this wasn't my first time dressing up, but I got what he meant. I smiled. "Thanks."

Maybe... if things had gone down a different route, I would be attracted to Kamil instead of Raeger. Of course, that was if and only if I didn't already know Raeger, because I would've kept comparing the two.

They were both kind and straightforward, yet awkward with their words, not to mention their similar appearances. That Lillian girl was insane to let Kamil go.

Huh. Kind of like Lillie was insane to let Raeger go. Again with the coincidences.

"Are you trying to impress someone?"

And again with the awkward! Neither of them knew when to stop. Oh, well. I didn't have anything to lose.

"Y-yeah. It's... the chef, Raeger.," I said nervously. I closed my eyes, peeking through the corner of one to see his expression.

"Is that why you hesitated when I started walking towards the restaurant?"

I nodded slowly. Before we decided on the inn's outside benches, Kamil briefly suggested grabbing a bite at Raeger's. I guessed I was pretty easy to read, then.

I made it even easier when I went on and on about him, all to a stranger I hadn't known for an hour yet. I told him how I felt about him, how he made me so upset sometimes but then with just one sentence I fell for him again. He would scold me and make me feel like an idiot but then praise me for doing the right thing and following my heart. He told me he liked me back but then proceeded to ignore me for almost the whole season.

And after my five minute rant, Kamil asked me something I didn't quite know how to answer right away.

"Do you still have feelings for him?"

My first instinct was to burst out screaming yes, but there was a tiny part of me that said to think about it. So I did.

I really liked Raeger. I knew I did. My breath hitched in my throat whenever I saw him, I got all happy just talking to him, I'd made it a habit to come by the restaurant daily just to see him, and I even freakin' had a hand in his breakup. There wasn't a doubt in my mind that I still had feelings for him.

But... just like before, with Johnny, were these also just feelings of comfort? Would the same thing happen again? I didn't want to be some forty-year-old lady who was unsure about the relationship she was stuck in.

I was scared, so scared, of being rejected and having to live all alone again, that I kept pinning the blame on Raeger for why we hadn't met up for so long. But in reality, it was just me being a big, fat coward.

I sniffled, feeling hot tears escape from my eyes. My makeup would ruin itself, but I didn't care. "I love him. I really, really do."

Jeez, I was such a crybaby. That was what love brought, though: lots of tears, pain, and angst. There were good things too, though – happiness, comfort, laughter, fun – and that was why I selfishly kept loving him.

While I was wiping my eyes, I saw Kamil hesitate, trying to decide if he should comfort me or not. I laughed, feeling better already.

"I'm not sad, it's okay," I told him.

He seemed to have calmed down and smiled. "You know, if you get that emotional over someone, there's no doubt you love them."

He looked like he was lost in thought for a moment. "After what Lillian did to me, I think it's too late to fix things, but you've still got a good chance. For both of us... even though we're complete strangers, I would feel better if you went to him. I don't know the details, but go patch things up. If he's not seeking you out, it's because his feelings are confusing him – he needs you to confirm them for him."

What he was saying didn't make a lot of sense. For one...

"There's no way he likes me back." Especially after everything that's happened; it was already crazy enough that I still liked him.

"Maybe, but that's why you have to talk to him."

I sighed. He was right. Even if I didn't think he had feelings for me anymore, if he ever did, how would I know if I didn't ask for myself?

As much as I didn't want to admit it right now, at one time I believed myself to be the best candidate for Raeger, or at least better than Lillie. If I wanted to be with him, I'd have to show him that was still true.

I turned towards Kamil and smiled. "Thanks. I think I really needed a talk like that to calm down and kick myself a little. I get really stupid sometimes and have to rely on other people to get me out of my funk, so thanks for that."

He didn't respond – in fact he cleared his throat rather awkwardly – so I kept going.

"This town... has done a lot for me. I think if you stay here a while you'll find something you really want, too. And maybe... you'll find someone to help you forget about Lillian."

I gave him another bright smile but when he didn't return it or even really acknowledge it I started to feel uncomfortable. Did I say something I wasn't supposed to? Did I make things awkward somehow? I was a pretty oblivious and maybe even ignorant person, so if I did, he'd have to spell it out. "What's - "

"Annie."

As soon as that voice interrupted me I felt my heart stop. So... Kamil was probably trying to let me know there was someone behind me all that time. Way to go, Annie.

I prayed to the goddess that voice didn't belong to who I thought it did, but as I whirled my head around I realized there was no way I could be that lucky. Raeger looked mad.

And because of my mini-rant just now, it looked like I was rebounding to another guy.

* * *

 _~CGA_


	11. Chapter 11

**A/N:** And here you have it! The final chapter :) I'd like to think it's the best, for obvious reasons.

Man... it's been a tough ride, and over six months to complete this story. But hopefully it's good enough to make up for all the stupid little mistakes I keep catching - yes, whatever you catch, I probably know it's there, too... but meh.

Thank you to everyone who ever read, favorited, followed, and/or reviewed, as that's always a gargantuan motivating factor to keep me continuing :P Please keep reading my other stories, too! I promise they'll be worth your time~

And now, the ending to Annie and Raeger's love story. Yessss, sadly, I won't be writing for these two anymore, or at least not for a long time. You'll still be seeing plenty of Annie, and to a lesser extent, Raeger, but they won't be together. I'm so evil.

* * *

Raeger's angry voice resounded in my ears. I wanted so badly to explain myself, to explain my and Kamil's position, but no words were coming out of my mouth. I was frozen in fear and didn't know what to do. It was like the time he caught me right out of the bath.

I didn't even know if Kamil had tried talking to him because I couldn't hear anything.

Not three seconds later, Raeger grabbed my hand and led me away. The only coherent thing running through my mind was that he didn't grab my arm instead – that meant that even though he was upset, he still treated me like a person.

His grip was firm and warm, and if we weren't in such an uncomfortable situation, I would've been more embarrassed.

Before I knew it, we were upstairs above the restaurant. He let go of my hand and started running his through his hair, sighing.

Surprisingly, though, he didn't look mad anymore. Instead, he looked almost... depressed.

But even if he was sad, I was starting to regain my senses, and it didn't change the fact that he blew everything way out of proportion when he dragged me away from Kamil.

I scowled. "What's up with you? Can I not even talk to other guys anymore?"

He shook his head rather calmly. "I was just - "

"That was totally uncalled for!" I, on the other hand, was anything but calm. "How do you think Kamil's gonna react after you pull a stunt like this? We were having a really good conversation and were actually helping each other out until you just so rudely came and yanked me away."

I was trying to get a rise out of him, to start a fight so we could make up and maybe start talking like we used to. Based on his expressions, though, I was only making this situation worse. But I couldn't stop. It was like another case of word vomit.

"It's so... _you're_ so stupid, Raeger! You didn't even stop by my house to say hi or make me breakfast or even look for me in town, and all that time I couldn't bring myself to step into the restaurant because I was afraid you'd tell me to leave... you'd tell me to leave you alone and find someone else because you hated me, and, and then they only one I could talk to would be Hanako and... it was so hard being away from - "

My eyes were closed while I was ranting so I couldn't see, but they shot right back open when I felt Raeger kissing me. He'd closed his eyes and I didn't think I'd ever seen him look so gentle and content before.

Our lips didn't part for several seconds. We both inhaled deep breaths and ran our hands along the other's back.

When we finally pulled away I opened my eyes to look at him, but that was a choice I instantly regretted. His blue irises peered into mine with such intensity that I had to look away, my cheeks burning up with heat and embarrassment. Now _that_ was a kiss.

He laughed and wrapped me up in his arms, rubbing his hands along my upper back. "Don't give up on me yet," he whispered.

And there he went again, making me mad one minute and then with just one sentence completely demolishing it. I hugged him tighter, still in disbelief that we were so close and right here together.

"It wasn't like that," I told him. "I seriously only met Kamil like an hour ago."

"So? Didn't you fall for me the first time you saw me?"

I crinkled my nose and tried to wriggle out of his grip, but he was too strong. "You were too weird for my tastes." And I couldn't understand for the life of me why Lillie was with him.

"Aww, come on," he said, feigning disappointment. "You like weird."

 _No, but I do like you._ I laughed. "You wish."

A few quiet moments passed with us like that, and then he let me go.

"So... where do we stand?" he asked.

I shook my head. "That's up to you, 'cause you already know how I feel." And even though he initiated the kiss, it was probably just to get me to shut up.

He rubbed the back of his neck and sighed. Here it was. The rejection. I knew I shouldn't have dressed up. Kamil was wrong. I gulped and braced myself.

"I know... I have feelings for you."

Huh? Still?

Wait... What else did he have to say? There had to have been a catch.

"I just want to make sure they're not rebound feelings."

Right. I knew that already. That was the main reason we'd stayed away from each other. Three weeks probably wasn't enough time to make sure, huh? But, in that case, then... he probably shouldn't have been saying he liked me in the first place.

"I still have feelings for Lillie, and I'm pretty sure a part of her will always be there, but... what I feel for you is already rivaling them."

"N-no, you can't be serious." I closed my eyes and shook my head. He was lying, he had to be. "How – why me? All I do is cause trouble and drama everywhere I go, and I'm a crybaby who doesn't know when to stop, and - "

"Do I need to kiss you again?" he asked with a laugh. I had to admit, it didn't sound like a threat.

Not that I particularly wanted him to do it again or anything.

Either way, I stayed put and quiet to listen to him.

"Annie, I'm an idiot," he started. I stifled a laugh, earning a nasty look. "I need people to be frank with me before I understand things." He sighed. "Especially if it's something related to me."

I nodded. Like my confession. It took him a little while to figure that one out.

"So... it probably would've been better for us both if you'd come to see me first – hold on, let me finish. I understand that I'm at fault, too."

He said exactly what I wanted to interrupt him to say. We were still in pretty good sync, huh? It was too bad I denied it for so long, primarily because of my own uncertainty and stupidity.

I shook those thoughts away. At least we were together now – wait, were we? I couldn't be sure either way.

He kept talking, though, cutting off anything I wanted to say.

"I like you because you're incredibly unique."

I scoffed. That was such a weird thing to say, even for Raeger. Plus, it made it seem like he called me a freak or something.

"Please listen, Annie," he said. I nodded slowly. No more jokes. "I've never met anyone like you before. You're headstrong and downright relentless at times. You rely on others for advice, but whether or not you listen to it you decide yourself. Sure, you might have spent the majority of your life with a good-for-nothing guy... but at least you learned from the experience, right?"

I grimaced at the mention of Johnny, but he was right. As soon as I realized Johnny wasn't quite right for me, I took the necessary steps to, well, more or less get rid of him. I didn't need that kind of negativity – I had enough of it myself.

"You're smart and nice and beautiful – I mean, come on, did you think I didn't notice how fancy you look?"

"R-Raeger, stop..." He didn't need to say things just to cheer me up, especially if he didn't mean them.

"No, I won't stop, because you need to hear this."

I was amazed at how little embarrassment he showed. I knew he was using his serious voice and all, but... if all this was true, he should've been lit up like a tomato, like me.

"Jeez, Annie, you have such little self-confidence it breaks my heart." He sighed. "When you dismiss my compliments like that, it feels like you're just trying to get rid of me and brush me aside like what I say doesn't matter."

 _Raeger_ felt like that? I shook my head quickly. "I'm not - "

"And you always try and brush it off. Goddess, this is embarrassing..." He rubbed at his neck again and then turned to me. "Annie, you're absolutely gorgeous. Inside and out, you're just a beautiful person. You don't understand it because you're always beating yourself up for things that happened in the past."

He came over to me and hugged me again. I buried my face in his neck, clinging to him like my life depended on it.

"Nothing that happened is your fault. Your parents, grandmother, Eda, Johnny leaving, Lillie and me breaking up... I know you're carrying the blame for all of that, but none of it is your fault." He kissed the top of my head. "Loss is a part of life. No matter how small the loss, it doesn't change the significance of it."

I felt more tears fall. After crying so much earlier in the day already, I shouldn't have been able to cry anymore, but there I was. I felt bad for getting his collar all wet.

How did Raeger know me so well? More importantly, how did he know me better than I knew myself? I didn't even realize I was blaming myself for everything, but after hearing it, everything just made so much sense and all my emotions spilled out through my eyes. How could his explanations be so spot on that all of my doubts and fears just dissipated?

He sighed. "Lillie told me all this when we were little, after I'd lost my grandfather. She said that's what her father told her when her mother died."

I nodded and sniffled. I knew Lillie came from a smart family. It probably started with Maurice, then.

I hugged Raeger tighter, finally feeling my tears stop and then rest of myself calming down. "Thank you," I said groggily. "I love you."

We stayed like that for a few more moments until my eyes shot open and I stepped back. Did I just...?

I looked up at him fearfully, only now realizing what I'd just said. I messed up, didn't I?

His face looked... not exactly mortified, but at least taken aback. He did his neck rubbing thing again and turned away. Well, at least he was embarrassed. That was a good thing, right?

"Um... I – I really appreciate that, and I don't doubt your feelings or disagree with them, but..."

Whoa, whoa, hold up. Was I getting rejected _now?_ After he told me all that stuff and we kept hugging each other? What the -

"But I just don't think I'm ready to reciprocate them yet." He sighed and looked totally distraught. I guessed... I could live with that, if he obviously put that much thought into it.

I nodded. "Maybe... someday?"

He smiled. "Someday soon. I get seriously into relationships, and I need a bit more time to recover from the last one."

Right. Lillie really cut him deep – not that she got out unscathed, though.

I sighed but smiled. "That's okay. Take your time now, because I want all your time to be focused on me when 'someday soon' comes."

He grinned back, a glint of mischief in his eyes. "Don't worry. If you thought we were close just now, just wait to see what I've got planned."

My eyes widened and my cheeks heated up. What did I get myself into?

Well, regardless, a relationship – a real one – with Raeger sounded absolutely wonderful, but what we had right now was just fine.

…

it was already Raeger's birthday – well, actually, it was the twelfth day of summer instead of the ninth because everyone needed a day they could easily take off from work. It just happened to be a Saturday. Of course, Raeger was the only person who didn't know as I was the one who planned the party.

I made sure to post signs near the train station telling customers the restaurant would be closed today. In order to keep Raeger's suspicions down, though, I had some of the townsfolk come in for breakfast and lunch.

Once dinnertime hit, I made sure everything was all prepared, and then I made one unlucky individual (Klaus, chosen by rock-paper-scissors) think of an issue he might need Raeger's assistance with. I didn't know or care what it was – all I needed was for Raeger to be distracted for ten minutes.

And when Klaus went inside, the others and I waited the appropriate amount of time, then I entered first to see if the coast was clear. I heard them talking about something or other upstairs, so I signaled the others to come inside.

Agate and Kamil came with me. I briefly tested the other townspeople and, despite Agate's tendency to trip and break stuff, she and Kamil were the quietest. Mistel was a contender, too, but I had a special reason for bringing these two. Okay, it was the only reason for bringing Agate instead of anyone else.

She had a _huge_ crush on Kamil. As much as she denied it, I knew her well enough to spot it and call her out. I'd originally thought she liked Mistel because she was always in the antique shop, but that turned out to be more of a friendly thing. They'd known each other for a while.

I was glad that we'd become such fast friends, and I wanted to do something for her to show my appreciation for tolerating me. Hopefully setting them up would suffice.

I hadn't talked to Kamil as much since the day we met, but I could tell he was at least interested in her, too. She was bright and cheerful and loved cats just like he did. They deserved each other.

So we set all the part-themed plates and silverware inside one of the cabinets as quietly as we could, and not a second later, I heard Klaus loudly protesting to Raeger to stay upstairs. Poor guy. He was a real trooper.

I hurriedly jammed my homemade cake in the fridge, and before the footsteps could start, I motioned for my friends (still felt strange to call them that) to follow me into the kitchen. I opened the cabinet door below the sink and told them both to climb in. it was the same spot I hid from Lillie before, when Raeger was teaching me to cook.

"It's... rather small," Kamil pointed out. He started to walk away but I grabbed the collar of his shirt, yanking him back.

"There's no time!" I whisper-shouted. "He'll hear the door!"

A week or so prior I'd convinced Raeger to clean out his supply cabinet, so luckily there were only a few bottles to kick around down there now. It was still a lousy excuse, using the door, but at least it made sense like that, and I didn't want my effort to go to waste.

Kamil sighed and didn't try to argue with me, knowing it'd be futile, anyway. He knew me well enough already.

He stuck his head in first to scope it out, and then he squeezed the rest of his body through the opening. Once he was all settled in, he gave me a weak thumbs-up, looking absolutely miserable. I stifled a laugh.

Out of his sight, Agate gave me a nasty glare. I just grinned in response and nudged her towards the cabinet, shushing her protests. She knew I'd been lying through my teeth when I made up my earlier excuse, and maybe she wasn't too happy that I was interfering, but oh, well. When she got into that tight, cramped space with the guy she liked, she'd change her mind and thank me instead.

She shoved herself inside awkwardly, trying not to bump into Kamil, and then she nodded to tell me I could close the doors. I did, and then I hear the door upstairs open, so I rushed around the counter to take my seat at the bar.

I was a really bad liar, but I was glad they went along with me, anyway. They very easily could've escaped through the door and Raeger wouldn't have thought anything of it once he saw me sitting here.

When Klaus saw me he gave me a look of annoyance and, even though it was funny seeing him make that face, I smiled sympathetically. Sorry, Klaus.

Then when Raeger came down and saw me he smiled. "What are you doing here?"

I grinned. If only he knew. "Oh, y'know. Just thought you could use some company."

He nodded. "Well, I could use it right now. Klaus is the only person who's come here since lunchtime."

I laughed when he furrowed his brow. "Don't you like slow days, though? You're an old man now, after all."

He sighed. "You're not allowed to make that joke anymore. It's getting - "

"Old!" I laughed, being annoying.

Klaus sighed behind us, too. Honestly, I'd forgotten he was there.

"If this is just a love-fest, I'll be on my way."

Raeger cleared his throat and I turned my head the other way.

"Right," Raeger said. "Sorry. Ah, what can I pour for you tonight?"

Klaus brushed it off, though. "I'm fine. I believe Iris said she's making bouillabaisse tonight, so I may have to pay her a visit."

I turned back towards him and we exchanged knowing glances. He would bring the rest of the townsfolk with him.

"Well, see you later," I said, smiling as he waved us goodbye.

After he shut the door, Raeger turned to me.

"What's with that look?" he asked.

"Hm? What look?"

He sighed. "Never mind. You're just... being weird."

I laughed. "Raeger, you've known for over a year now that I'm weird."

"I guess you're right." He shrugged.

All I had to do was kill time until everybody showed up, but I also had to remember Agate and Kamil were here, too. So we couldn't do anything... racy.

Raeger cleared his throat. "So, uh, there's no one else here... if you want to come upstairs - "

"R-Raeger!" That was _exactly_ the sort of thing I wanted to avoid! Jeez.

"What? If you didn't want to, all you had to do was say no. There's no need to yell like I'm a child..." His voice got quieter with each word, like he was pouting.

I stifled a laugh. "It's... not that I don't want to, just not now."

 _Especially_ when there were people around. I hoped they didn't think I was some sort of weird sex addict or something, because Raeger wasn't even talking about that. All we ever really did was lie in bed and kinda... cuddle up to each other. I blushed thinking about it. Our relationship was way too slow for anything close to that.

But... was it even a relationship? Was Raeger my boyfriend? Calling him that sounded so weird. Ugh.

"Annie?"

"Hm?" Thank the goddess for him snapping me out of my thoughts.

He pressed his lips to mine shortly and swiftly, but that didn't mean I didn't enjoy it. Our kisses were few and far between, which just made every one of them so nice. In fact, after he pulled away, I kinda wanted more. He was a good kisser. Lillie taught him well.

I cleared my throat. It was weird to think about that. "You're still not off the hook yet."

He smiled. "I didn't think I'd be."

I rolled my eyes playfully. What a weirdo.

…

It didn't take long for the others to arrive, and by the time everyone stepped inside and yelled "surprise," Agate and Kamil were able to blend in unnoticed. That was best for all of us.

After I got done explaining the setup to Raeger, he left to go mingle with other people. I glanced around the restaurant, happy that everybody in town had shown up. From Nadi to Corona to Veronica, everyone was here. Even Lillie came, though she mainly stayed to the side with Angela and her family.

But, I noticed, when Raeger made his way to her, they seemed to be having a civil discussion, with polite expressions and everything. It struck a jealous nerve in me, but it was nothing like they used to be. It was nice seeing them like that. It wasn't as if they were pretending nothing ever happened, they were just catching up.

Someone cleared their throat beside me. Startled, I turned to see Agate.

"Hey," I greeted.

"Don't 'hey' me!"

I blinked in confusion. "What?" What was she so mad about? I bit my lip. Well...

"Do you have any idea how _cramped_ it is in that cabinet?" she whispered.

I laughed. "Actually, yeah."

She gave me a confused look.

"Long story," I said. "Anyway... so, what happened? Anything exciting?"

Her face grew redder and she started stuttering like crazy. "Our l-legs kept touching and he kept apologizing... b-but I didn't mind at all. Stupid Annie! You made me all uncontrollably nervous!"

I laughed again. She was so cute, like a middle school girl obsessed with her crush. It made me wonder if she'd ever had someone else she liked before.

"Are you still mad at me?" I asked.

"Mm..." She shook her head. "No. instead, there's something I want to ask you."

Crap. She was going to ask all those awkward questions now, wasn't she? "Wh-what's up?"

She smiled evilly. "What's your real relationship with Raeger? You already know I heard everything."

I sighed. I couldn't escape it forever. "Well... y'know. We're kinda... just friends... with some kind of benefit."

She laughed out loud. "Don't hide it. You two do everything that being a couple implies. Why don't you just date already?"

I bit my lip. She was right – all we really needed to make it official were the titles boyfriend and girlfriend. I just wished it was that easy.

I wasn't in denial or anything, I was just waiting for Raeger. This one was all on him.

"I want to," I told her. "Believe me, I really do. But it's complicated."

Agate huffed. "Well, I don't get it, but... as long as you're happy, I guess it's fine."

I smiled and thanked her. We hadn't been friends very long at all, but I could tell she really did care about me. I needed that.

Admittedly, I was still scared out of my mind that I would lose more of the people close to me, and maybe that was why I didn't try too hard to make new friends. Sure, I tried my hardest to make Lillie like me, but she ended up not needing me in her life. That was fine. It was nearly impossible to maintain a friendship, or any kind of relationship, really, if one person had no use for the other. And... I knew that firsthand now.

After some more idle chatter, Agate left to go talk with someone else, and then I was all alone. I glanced around at all the people in the restaurant, crowding up the small space. I could've walked up to anyone and started a conversation, because that was just how everyone worked here, but they were pretty much all wrapped up in their own conversations. I didn't want to bother them, especially when I saw groups of people I thought unlikely to be around one another.

Fritz and Elise were chatting about something, Angela and Klaus seemed to be sharing samples of homemade perfumes, Mistel and Agate were talking, probably about the vase she broke the other day... Everyone looked like they were just having such a great time, and even though it sounded conceited, it was because of me.

I'd personally gone around town, knocking on everyone's door and asking them to come to the party. I didn't know how long it'd been since something like this happened, if it ever had, so it was nice to know I could contribute something, at least.

And I thought Raeger would appreciate it, too.

...Speaking of him, I hadn't picked him out of the crowd yet. Where -

"Hey."

I jumped about a foot above my stool, clutching my heart as I spun around to face him. "Jeez, Raeger." What was with people and scaring me? Was it fun?

He laughed. "Sorry. I didn't know you were zoned out."

Really? And how long had we known each other? Well, whatever. "What's up?" I asked. He had plenty of other people to talk to besides me.

"Well..." He cleared his throat and rested his elbow on the countertop, looking at me. Oh, boy. That gaze made me kinda nervous. "I just had an announcement to make, and I wanted to ask you something before then."

"U-um, okay, I guess." What was going on? He was being awfully suspicious.

"All right. So, how do you feel about PDA?"

My eyes widened. "What?" He wasn't going to do anything here, was he?

"Does that mean you're against it?"

"No! Wait, what – no. Ugh." He was confusing me. "I mean... it's one thing to be sweet and whatever, but... um, I guess as long as it's with you, I'm okay with anything."

My cheeks burned and I turned my head away, too embarrassed to want to see if he was, too. I could very faintly hear the noise of his hand running through his hair, though, and that was my answer. So he really did like me? This whole thing with us wasn't just out of pity?

"A-All right," he said quietly. "Get ready, then."

I whimpered a little and closed my eyes, turning back around as I anticipated the kiss. When a few seconds passed and I didn't even feel his breath, I opened my eyes just in time to see him clink his glass with a fork.

"Excuse me, everyone!" he shouted above the noise. Everybody quieted down almost instantly. Was he making a toast? What the heck was all that about PDA, then?

Raeger smiled once the restaurant was quiet and then kept talking.

"I want to thank you all for coming tonight. I was truly surprised. And I guess now I know why the only faces I saw inside today were familiar."

There was some light chuckling from the crowd.

"Anyway... I have a kind of selfish reason for making this toast, and an even more selfish request. You were all invited today by someone very special to me – someone I hold very dear to my heart."

Oh cripes, Raeger. I palmed my face. I hated when he got all cheesy like this. It was so embarrassing! And in front of everybody, too?!

"To Annie, my best friend and the girl I love... thank you."

I think my heart stopped then.

Not only did he refer to me as his best friend, which was already huge in and of itself, but... love? The girl he loved?

Raeger loved me?

"Raeger, I - "

"You've made this birthday the best I could ever ask for. Honestly, I don't even remember the last time everyone was together like this."

There was a time not too long ago, just back in winter, except it was as far from a celebration as you could get.

I should've been sad or angry thinking back on that not-so-distant memory, but... goodness, Eda, I was just so happy right now I was probably crying again.

Raeger smiled down at me from a few feet away. His voice got a little quieter now, like he didn't want everyone to hear him anymore.

"Annie... I'm sorry it took so long for our relationship to finally kick off... but I think now I'm ready to give it a try. So..." He took in a deep breath and clasped one of my hands with his. "Would you be my girlfriend?"

Several gasps came from the people standing close enough to hear, and there were exclaims of "Aren't they already going out?" and "Way to go, Raeger!" but none of them were quite as loud as my laughter.

"You're so corny! Ahaha!" I had to catch my breath after leaving Raeger in the dark. "It scared me for a second... I actually thought you were... uh, proposing."

He laughed awkwardly and cleared his throat. "That's... Not yet." He looked me in the eyes. "So?"

I calmed myself and smiled. "Of course I will."

I jumped off the stool and into his arms, giggling as he spun me around and kissed my neck. It was kinda embarrassing to hear all the noise from the crowd behind us. And the most embarrassing...

"Kiss her!"

Every head, mine and Raeger's included, turned towards Lillie. She stood with a smug expression on her face that no one expected. I glanced back to Raeger, whose red face mimicked mine.

"W-Well, if she says it's okay - "

And then he kissed me to shut me up again. If this was punishment for talking too much, I was probably going to end up an even bigger chatterbox.

Our lips parted and met several times over, and I finally learned to just ignore everyone else. They could stare as much as they wanted to – that way maybe I could prove that Raeger was actually mine.

So... it took about twenty-four and a half years, but I finally got my much, _much_ deserved happy ending.

With the man I loved and the friends I cared about.

And I know that somewhere, somehow, my parents, my grandmother, and Eda had been watching me all along.

* * *

 _~CGA_


End file.
